Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away…

And then I woke and it was today and now I wish it was yesterday… let me start with… WTF Universe? I thought we had a good talk on Saturday. I aired my concerns; I said I would learn from the past. What’s up with cascade effect? You weren’t supposed to increase my worries and fears. You weren’t supposed to make me feel like I am losing more friends.

So we are at an impasse, Universe. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what I am supposed to learn now. I’ve reached out to the ones I care about. I’ve cried a thousand tears and more. I’ve tormented myself with unspoken words. I am not good at giving up friends, especially ones I like and respect.

What a way to make the start of my birthday week suck royal.

Oh – yeah – it’s my birthday coming up. Yay. It’s my birthday and I’ll cry if I want to. Why is it that we celebrate D’s b-day and it’s fun and eventful? Then my b-day comes and it seems to want to suck. I know it’s the start of winter and the weather is usually shitty and it’s dark and moody. I just want to enjoy my birthday. I want to bask in the fact that I am a good person who gets to eat cake – calorie free during this time. I want to drown my sorrows in a vat of KFC gravy… okay – ewwww – that just made me feel queasy. Sighhhh… I miss KFC gravy. WHY!!!! Why did my taste buds have to learn the taste of quality foods not full of grease, preservatives, and calories? Why?!??! I miss KFC gravy and Coke Classic slushes and Taco Bell and mmm… Chinese food. Thank goodness fave co-worker gets me sea salt caramels for my b-day each year. Love them!!! I can eat those slowly. I like to savour them, to let them roll around on my taste buds as you tantalize with salt and sweet and creamy. Guess what I got today! More caramels!!!! I have already savoured two of them.

My kitty is curled up so cute in my office blanket. Her ears twitch every time she hears me move. I bet she is warm – I love that blanket. Got it from a friend as a present. Usually it keeps me warm, but she keeps stealing it.

Yep – I know - I am all over the place today. It’s because I am tired and lonely. I need to stop focusing on that. My colleague who is leaving my unit soon was ever so nice today as were the other two in my unit. I should focus on that. Even though I was tired and mopey today, there are good people who I interact with. The bus driver was wonderfully nice and wished me a good night as I left the bus. Two gentlemen who I was walking behind moved to the side so I could pass. The lady at the Bay who sold me my (gorgeous) new wreath took extra time to ensure it would travel nicely in a bag. A colleague who I helped solve a computer problem today was ever so grateful. That is what I should focus on. I can’t control what others do, but I can appreciate the ones who were nice to me today. That I can do.