2009: Memory Lane

Following my habits, it is that time of year to review the last year and ponder all that has occurred – good, bad, exciting, and the rest.

Let’s start with work, since that has been one of the biggest factors this year. After the first 4 months being frustrating with not knowing what was going to happen with my position, it was finally decided. May 1 to November 1 was the most stressful period this year. Doing two jobs in the time frame of one was hard and challenging and not something I would want to repeat. I believe I came close to burning out and it was rare I felt productive in either job. I am glad I had the opportunity for the second project – it was a learning experience and I met some really great people and it will help me in the future. It was tough though. I gave up a lot at home and in my life to perform at work and I am still recovering. November brought me back to just the one job, though with added responsibilities. These last two weeks are normally the time when I get to catch up, relax, clean, file, etc. It never really happened. The only good thing was getting to leave early twice. Otherwise it was constant working. I forced myself to work through my 719 emails in my inbox, so at least that is below 100 now. I brought the sent box from 801 to 523, so there is still work to be done there. My filing is not down. My desk is still a mess inside the drawers. I just feel like I am not being effective and it drives me bonkers. I know I have to be patient; it will happen and I will be happier when that time comes.

House – we got ourselves a landscaping plan, which both D and I liked. After shoveling this winter, I am rethinking some parts, but I think when it eventually all gets done, it will be fabulous. The deck is built and despite some issues, I am happy it is mostly done. It will be very nice to use it next year. And hey, if it gets us some money back at tax time – bonus!!! And the shelves are done – the bane of our existence, it seemed, for so long. I am very happy they are completed and they look fabulous. It has been very nice moving things down to fill them and cleaning out other sections of the house.

Family – I am happy to introduce the new addition to my family, the new SIL. I suppose I will have to come up with a new descriptor, since I have two now. My brother is a wonderful person and although it never surprises me, it still amazes me to have such an excellent brother. I wish him well to the utmost. Dad was retired in January and it was fabulous that he no longer worked for a company, which took him for granted so often. Though he is bored out of his gourd now and itching to find a new job, it was a good opportunity for him and for mom, I think the reversal in roles has changed their relationship a lot, hopefully for the better. Mom being diagnosed and getting appropriate medication was excellent this year as well. She is doing mostly better and is seeing a specialist soon. I still wish she would focus more on the positive, but she is getting there.

Friends – I still have excellent friends, though for the most part, all of us have been too busy to try to connect. I know I have been a horrible friend this year with the stresses of work and taking care of the house and all it entails. I am really hoping to reconnect with some of my friends this year. I need to work on my friendships and I am hoping my friends will be there with me in the effort. As usual, fave co-worker has been a godsend. Between him and two other co-workers, they have been lifelines for me. I am very appreciative of all their assistance. And fave co-worker is engaged. I am very happy for him. His partner is a wonderful man who is getting a fantastic and special spouse. As well, N got married this year. Due to my horrible email habits, I missed attending as I didn’t get the message until the day after. I am very happy she found someone who makes her happy and I hope her spouse knows how wonderful the person she married is. I have great friends; I just wish I was a better friend sometimes.

Me – the good news this year was I broke my plateau after a year and a half or so. The bad news is I have a new plateau because of the stress (I have never denied being a stress eater), the overtime, the depression (brought on by stress), and my desire to do it all perfectly while failing miserably. But I lost 11 pounds this year and more inches. I have kept my hourglass figure and I have more confidence in what I can do, exercise wise. Since I ended the year on the cusp of this plateau, I foresee me breaking this and losing even more this year. I don’t need to do it fast. I don’t want to follow a regimen. I just want to change my life in the time frame I can. I could have pushed myself harder. I could have exercised more. I chose not too. I still did well and I will continue to do well. Part of this journey for me is the change inside and it is happening. I still don’t want to share everything with other people, though it would be nice to have a partner in this journey. But that is the joy of being me. I want the details about everyone else, but my cards are kept really close to the chest.

So the year is ending on a better note. I am feeling more positive and less depressed than I have been lately. I am hopeful for the future.

Quote for 2009:

Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known. – Carl Sagan

I wish you all a fabulous New Year’s and a great new year/decade. Here’s to more friends, good times, cuddle piles, in depth conversations, opportunities, learning, love, family, friends, and adventures.