Eggnog... how us classy people get loaded...
Goodness there are days I really wish I drank...
I lost my vat of patience recently. Has anyone seen it? I’d really like it back. I don’t know if anyone has really noticed, but I have. Things that wouldn’t bother are *really* bothering me now. Like almost driving me to want Scorpio revenge. It’s not a pretty site in my head right now.
For example, a certain person in my life suddenly has stated that they are not giving presents this year. This is after sending me their Christmas list. This is after making a large purchase that while strategic, was not necessary. This after posting weekend post after weekend post, pictures of drunken debauchery and stories of movies they have seen in the theatre. Seriously?!? You can spend the money on alcohol and movies, but can’t take $10 and buy a present? Or I don’t know – take 5 minutes to research cheap and free presents on the internet? How about a coupon for a future present? Or a coupon for a visit? You have time to post videos and inspiration sayings on Facebook several times a day, but you can’t invest time into the friends and family who love you. And part of me is like just let it go; Christmas is about giving and loving. But the other part of me is swearing like a sailor and saying I’m tired of this shit; they are immediately removed from the gift list, there will never be another present sent, and screw it.
So the question is: why is this bothering me so much? I think part of it is that I have always used Christmas time as a time to show my appreciation for someone being in my life; being a friend, being supportive, sharing laughs, etc. So when I don’t even get a card or a nice email of wishes or a thank you, it really feels like that person is not showing any appreciation for what I have done all year and perhaps that person is not someone then that I need to make time or effort for. And that’s all good to say and understand, but my heart still hurts and I am still pissed every time I see a post for some new item purchased, some night spent drinking, and some movie ticket paid for.
I also keep misplacing my Christmas spirit. One minute I will be singing Christmas songs in my head and sharing good laughs; the next moment I am feeling lonely and wishing the season was over and needing a holiday and wishing work was easier and suffering headaches and shoulder pain and alternating between wanting to stick my head into a cream pie in desperate hunger and thinking food is the grossest thing in the world. I have all my presents bought and wrapped. My house is decorated. I need to do more baking, but I had enough for presents and the work feast. I’m desperately reaching for my routines, but finding that more and more they aren’t working for me. I think my stress is hitting an all-time high again and I can’t find the energy today to do the cleaning I need to.
Okay – I kicked me arse, but I got my office area cleaner. I feel slightly better already. Amazing how much of an effect having a messy office has on me. I also cleaned my emails a bit. Always a nice feeling. I am so hoping that work slows down over the next two weeks so I can clean my work emails. Goodness – so many emails. Every time I clean them, I think I will be better and things get chaotic and it just doesn’t get better.
There are positive things in my life too. I am doing some good work at work. People loved my cards and treats. Actually, it has been quite blush inducing some of the kind words I have received from people about what I wrote in their cards. I truly believed what I wrote and I am glad that the sentiment meant a lot to them.
So I am going to focus on that and my cleaner office and go finish my laundry and perhaps even have supper. Or at least a snack. It was feast day and it was quite filling. Oy!
I lost my vat of patience recently. Has anyone seen it? I’d really like it back. I don’t know if anyone has really noticed, but I have. Things that wouldn’t bother are *really* bothering me now. Like almost driving me to want Scorpio revenge. It’s not a pretty site in my head right now.
For example, a certain person in my life suddenly has stated that they are not giving presents this year. This is after sending me their Christmas list. This is after making a large purchase that while strategic, was not necessary. This after posting weekend post after weekend post, pictures of drunken debauchery and stories of movies they have seen in the theatre. Seriously?!? You can spend the money on alcohol and movies, but can’t take $10 and buy a present? Or I don’t know – take 5 minutes to research cheap and free presents on the internet? How about a coupon for a future present? Or a coupon for a visit? You have time to post videos and inspiration sayings on Facebook several times a day, but you can’t invest time into the friends and family who love you. And part of me is like just let it go; Christmas is about giving and loving. But the other part of me is swearing like a sailor and saying I’m tired of this shit; they are immediately removed from the gift list, there will never be another present sent, and screw it.
So the question is: why is this bothering me so much? I think part of it is that I have always used Christmas time as a time to show my appreciation for someone being in my life; being a friend, being supportive, sharing laughs, etc. So when I don’t even get a card or a nice email of wishes or a thank you, it really feels like that person is not showing any appreciation for what I have done all year and perhaps that person is not someone then that I need to make time or effort for. And that’s all good to say and understand, but my heart still hurts and I am still pissed every time I see a post for some new item purchased, some night spent drinking, and some movie ticket paid for.
I also keep misplacing my Christmas spirit. One minute I will be singing Christmas songs in my head and sharing good laughs; the next moment I am feeling lonely and wishing the season was over and needing a holiday and wishing work was easier and suffering headaches and shoulder pain and alternating between wanting to stick my head into a cream pie in desperate hunger and thinking food is the grossest thing in the world. I have all my presents bought and wrapped. My house is decorated. I need to do more baking, but I had enough for presents and the work feast. I’m desperately reaching for my routines, but finding that more and more they aren’t working for me. I think my stress is hitting an all-time high again and I can’t find the energy today to do the cleaning I need to.
Okay – I kicked me arse, but I got my office area cleaner. I feel slightly better already. Amazing how much of an effect having a messy office has on me. I also cleaned my emails a bit. Always a nice feeling. I am so hoping that work slows down over the next two weeks so I can clean my work emails. Goodness – so many emails. Every time I clean them, I think I will be better and things get chaotic and it just doesn’t get better.
There are positive things in my life too. I am doing some good work at work. People loved my cards and treats. Actually, it has been quite blush inducing some of the kind words I have received from people about what I wrote in their cards. I truly believed what I wrote and I am glad that the sentiment meant a lot to them.
So I am going to focus on that and my cleaner office and go finish my laundry and perhaps even have supper. Or at least a snack. It was feast day and it was quite filling. Oy!
Labels: life
posted by Taryn at 8:43 pm
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