Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone! Hope your holidays are going well. I wish you all safe and timely travel, however close or far it may be. I wish a heart full of warmth and love that overflows. I wish you moments of silence to deal with any sorrows and much noise to celebrate the happiness. I wish you much in the way of gifts, whether you are giving of receiving, whether it’s small or huge, whether it is material or not. The best gifts are always from the heart and it really is the thought that matters – because for a moment, you were most important in that person’s life. Happy Holidays!

Now if you are still in a good mood and not wanting any introspective carp – stop reading, go back to celebrating and ignore my need to purge so I too can enjoy the day.


I know I haven’t written very much the last few months. So much has been going on, but most of it is internal and it just hasn’t quite reached the point of expression. Add to that the stress of work and the stress building as the holiday season fast approached, and I have been rather irritable and moody, trying hard to act that all was well when sometimes, inside all felt like it was falling apart.

So my thoughts this morning are still chaotic and I am warring between trying to stay in a good Christmas-y mood and wanting to download all the thoughts in my head. I try so hard to follow what Darcy Lang taught us about focusing on the 90% positive, but sometimes it feels like the universe is working against me. Yesterday, I got a doozy of a smack from the universe and unfortunately, I was still reeling at the party last night when the universe smacked me again. So forgive me if I seemed off, but sometimes, I just don’t get the point from what the universe keeps throwing in my face. Let’s start with the day’s doozy – I have spoken about this former friend before. We were best of friends and then it became a toxic friendship for me. And it wasn’t the only toxic friendship at the time. I was at a bookstore and inspiration hit that I didn’t need to live with the negativity. I could choose to let things go and so I did. And life got better. But see, the universe keeps throwing this person back into my life. I have given her chances, opened myself to see if she had changed and for a brief moment, hope enters and then she smashes it and I feel like I am dragged back into that bog of misery. I don’t want to deal with that anymore and I shouldn’t need to. So why does this person keep coming back into my life? What is the universe asking of me, because I am tired of trying to figure it out and I am tired of the mental drain that comes from dealing with this person and all the memories associated with her. I try to not say horrible things about her – “she’s a nice person but she is annoying to me.” I try to keep it all about myself and not drag her through the mud. So I ask again – why does she keep coming back into my life? I don’t want to ever trust her again and therefore she could be nothing more than an acquaintance. I don’t want to let her into the sanctity of my life. And I am afraid that with the news I found out, there is a good chance she is entering my life again. So what do I do?

These are some of the thoughts that plague me this morning and I am far too mentally tired to deal with them right now. What I want to do right now is wake D up and start celebrating this holiday. So I am shutting the door on the topic and leaving you for a wonderful breakfast and some holiday fun. Take care.