I tried to be open-minded once. It interfered with my sense of humor.
Ahhh – Bucky Katt – how I love you! Sometimes, to have an excellent sense of humor, you have to be a bit judgmental. You have to be willing to step over that line into something not quite politically correct. I understand that and I love it.
So it has been another day, mostly spent alone – after yesterday, which I did spend alone. In fact, I went out to get a Slurpee just to really see someone. Teehee. I had several opportunities to spend more time at Kaleido with A&J, but yesterday I got wrapped up in filing – two hours to sort almost a year’s worth of filing, followed by almost two hours putting it all away. Oy! Then today, I was in the middle of decorating the office – putting up pics and organizing the knick knacks – so it was a job where you see actual progress and it is fun – who wants to interrupt those creative juices. Of course, once I finished the decorating, it was downstairs to start packing things up and tearing things apart. Which did not go as well as planned. Obviously, the people who installed these things did a really good job, because it just doesn’t want to come off easily. Oh wait, one of those people was me. Teehee.
It sucks tearing apart your own work, especially when you did such a good job setting it all up. It was nice to think the basement was done. But unfortunately, we had water seepage and now we need to tear down wall board (but first remove the book shelves to tear off the wall board), tear up carpet and I am leaning towards tearing out the fireplace. We finally got ahold of a contractor. He told us to find the weeping tile back flow valve and see if it is stuck. That could be what caused the seepage. Yep – that easy little thing. Of course, finding that sucker in a finished basement has proven to be a bit more of a challenge. Sighhhh. Still haven’t found it. Hoping it will be beneath the lower carpet, because if not, then we have to tear up carpet in the upper area. I am terrified to be tearing these things out. What if we find more things? What if our fears are true? I really want to go to Scotland next year. And I want to do without drowning in debt. What if we can’t? Do we put it off another year? Or more?
I failed at tonight’s guess the calorie game. The Hat and I went out for dinner to catch up and he took me to the Keg. It was really nice. I was debating between the Teriyaki chicken or the sweet Thai chicken. The sweet Thai chicken had more veggies in its description, but alas, it was also more calories. I ate a day’s worth of calories in one meal – because you know I didn’t bypass the bread and we shared an appetizer. Thankfully, I only ate about half the rice pilaf, but just so y’all know, the rice pilaf is actually the worst side you could pick. I should have gone with the mashed potatoes. Who knew? Obviously, not me! The bonus is I didn’t eat anything during the day after breakfast and I worked my butt off carrying boxes from the lower basement to the upper floor. Well, except for one box – it’s a little heavy and so still sitting in the basement. Oops! Teehee.
But I am not worrying about it. Overall, I am doing great with my numbers. Perhaps I should have realized that sweet and spicy would equal more calories. I have that inkling now. I know now that rice pilaf is more calories that potatoes at the Keg and really, perhaps I should have asked for more veggies – I didn’t even think about it until the Hat asked for it, but by then I was set on the rice to mix in with the sauce. I did leave half of the rice on my platter. I did leave half of the extra sauce on my platter. More importantly, I had a really good time.
We did have some interesting conversations. Aside from the usual TV and gaming talk, we were discussing relationships and how interesting they can be. Like how a boy and a girl can be friends and even though one is clearly attracted to the other, sometimes they are just friends. SIL says this all the time, but I think it is just because she is a bit asexual. But I do understand it. I have people who are such good friends, I just don’t think of them in any other way. Or even if I do consider taking it to the next level, something stops me from acting on that idea. I am not saying this is a good thing. Goodness knows it would get my harem going. But something stops me from taking it that step further. Maybe if I were more outgoing and had more friends, then I could be more of the slut my reputation says I am.
I know I need to spend less time cooped up in this house. I need a break from these gosh darn renos. Honestly, we were going to finish the office and do the roof this year. That was it. Those would have been finite activities and then we could have enjoyed the winter off. The Hat says I live in a money pit. I know all houses are to a point, but it really feels like it is getting worse. I need to get together with friends and start up my girls’ nite again. I know I will feel better once yoga starts, but winter is coming and if I already feel cooped up now, imagine what it is going to be like when there is only a four hour window in which I can drive (and most of the time, that will occur during work). I need to find some people for my harem who are not geeks, who will actually make a move or indicate their interest. I need to expand my group of acquaintances so I can find these people. I love my geeky friends, don’t get me wrong. I just want…I don’t know. I have actually been thinking of calling up an old friend who I chose to distance myself from. Why? Because I feel lonely and my ego is taking a beating and old crushes should not be allowed to pop back into your life and people should give compliments to each other more and gosh darn it, my breasts deserve worship!
And before it sounds like I think all my friends suck, please don’t take it that way. I have great friends. J contacted me every day and I could have hung out with her. I appreciate her friendship so much. It was my choice the last two days to be a bit of a chore doer – though Saturday I wanted to go the Health and Wellness trade show and ended up not going because me shy and hate going alone. It wasn’t her fault the times available to her didn’t match up with what worked for me. Part of me enjoys the time alone and being productive. Part of me wants to hang out with people and talk. My friends have lives. D has a life. Really, I am the only one who is really not involved in anything. I am the one who fixates on the past and wants things with a passion, but has no clue how to get what I want. Or even sometimes how to ask what I want. I think my skills at flirting have reached an all-time subtleness that doesn’t work anymore. I need to hit people over the head and say – me want sex now – you give sex. Or me foot hurt – rub and make better. Or me sad – you hug.
I remember when touching was a big thing in my group of friends – not cuddle piles, that would have been too cool – but just hugging and touching of the arm or the back. It used to be rare for you to be near someone and not touch them in some way. We don’t do that anymore. We scuttle our feet and look for permission and keep our hands behind our backs or in our pockets. Is it because people have taken advantage in the past or because we are all afraid of being accused of assault or sexual misconduct?
I remember the thrill there used to be to ride past a crush’s house or hang out place. Now we call that stalking. I remember when a hug was just affection and not a groping tactic. I remember when I didn’t feel like I needed permission to touch someone’s arm or take their hand. I remember when I used to feel free to be me. And despite my rebellion against society’s mores, I feel more smothered under the weight of society’s rules and regulations than ever before. When did I become this person? When did I start craving for attention rather than just accepting it? When did I become not enough?
Well, on that note, the dry cleaning is done in the dryer and I think it is bedtime. To sleep perchance to dream.
So it has been another day, mostly spent alone – after yesterday, which I did spend alone. In fact, I went out to get a Slurpee just to really see someone. Teehee. I had several opportunities to spend more time at Kaleido with A&J, but yesterday I got wrapped up in filing – two hours to sort almost a year’s worth of filing, followed by almost two hours putting it all away. Oy! Then today, I was in the middle of decorating the office – putting up pics and organizing the knick knacks – so it was a job where you see actual progress and it is fun – who wants to interrupt those creative juices. Of course, once I finished the decorating, it was downstairs to start packing things up and tearing things apart. Which did not go as well as planned. Obviously, the people who installed these things did a really good job, because it just doesn’t want to come off easily. Oh wait, one of those people was me. Teehee.
It sucks tearing apart your own work, especially when you did such a good job setting it all up. It was nice to think the basement was done. But unfortunately, we had water seepage and now we need to tear down wall board (but first remove the book shelves to tear off the wall board), tear up carpet and I am leaning towards tearing out the fireplace. We finally got ahold of a contractor. He told us to find the weeping tile back flow valve and see if it is stuck. That could be what caused the seepage. Yep – that easy little thing. Of course, finding that sucker in a finished basement has proven to be a bit more of a challenge. Sighhhh. Still haven’t found it. Hoping it will be beneath the lower carpet, because if not, then we have to tear up carpet in the upper area. I am terrified to be tearing these things out. What if we find more things? What if our fears are true? I really want to go to Scotland next year. And I want to do without drowning in debt. What if we can’t? Do we put it off another year? Or more?
I failed at tonight’s guess the calorie game. The Hat and I went out for dinner to catch up and he took me to the Keg. It was really nice. I was debating between the Teriyaki chicken or the sweet Thai chicken. The sweet Thai chicken had more veggies in its description, but alas, it was also more calories. I ate a day’s worth of calories in one meal – because you know I didn’t bypass the bread and we shared an appetizer. Thankfully, I only ate about half the rice pilaf, but just so y’all know, the rice pilaf is actually the worst side you could pick. I should have gone with the mashed potatoes. Who knew? Obviously, not me! The bonus is I didn’t eat anything during the day after breakfast and I worked my butt off carrying boxes from the lower basement to the upper floor. Well, except for one box – it’s a little heavy and so still sitting in the basement. Oops! Teehee.
But I am not worrying about it. Overall, I am doing great with my numbers. Perhaps I should have realized that sweet and spicy would equal more calories. I have that inkling now. I know now that rice pilaf is more calories that potatoes at the Keg and really, perhaps I should have asked for more veggies – I didn’t even think about it until the Hat asked for it, but by then I was set on the rice to mix in with the sauce. I did leave half of the rice on my platter. I did leave half of the extra sauce on my platter. More importantly, I had a really good time.
We did have some interesting conversations. Aside from the usual TV and gaming talk, we were discussing relationships and how interesting they can be. Like how a boy and a girl can be friends and even though one is clearly attracted to the other, sometimes they are just friends. SIL says this all the time, but I think it is just because she is a bit asexual. But I do understand it. I have people who are such good friends, I just don’t think of them in any other way. Or even if I do consider taking it to the next level, something stops me from acting on that idea. I am not saying this is a good thing. Goodness knows it would get my harem going. But something stops me from taking it that step further. Maybe if I were more outgoing and had more friends, then I could be more of the slut my reputation says I am.
I know I need to spend less time cooped up in this house. I need a break from these gosh darn renos. Honestly, we were going to finish the office and do the roof this year. That was it. Those would have been finite activities and then we could have enjoyed the winter off. The Hat says I live in a money pit. I know all houses are to a point, but it really feels like it is getting worse. I need to get together with friends and start up my girls’ nite again. I know I will feel better once yoga starts, but winter is coming and if I already feel cooped up now, imagine what it is going to be like when there is only a four hour window in which I can drive (and most of the time, that will occur during work). I need to find some people for my harem who are not geeks, who will actually make a move or indicate their interest. I need to expand my group of acquaintances so I can find these people. I love my geeky friends, don’t get me wrong. I just want…I don’t know. I have actually been thinking of calling up an old friend who I chose to distance myself from. Why? Because I feel lonely and my ego is taking a beating and old crushes should not be allowed to pop back into your life and people should give compliments to each other more and gosh darn it, my breasts deserve worship!
And before it sounds like I think all my friends suck, please don’t take it that way. I have great friends. J contacted me every day and I could have hung out with her. I appreciate her friendship so much. It was my choice the last two days to be a bit of a chore doer – though Saturday I wanted to go the Health and Wellness trade show and ended up not going because me shy and hate going alone. It wasn’t her fault the times available to her didn’t match up with what worked for me. Part of me enjoys the time alone and being productive. Part of me wants to hang out with people and talk. My friends have lives. D has a life. Really, I am the only one who is really not involved in anything. I am the one who fixates on the past and wants things with a passion, but has no clue how to get what I want. Or even sometimes how to ask what I want. I think my skills at flirting have reached an all-time subtleness that doesn’t work anymore. I need to hit people over the head and say – me want sex now – you give sex. Or me foot hurt – rub and make better. Or me sad – you hug.
I remember when touching was a big thing in my group of friends – not cuddle piles, that would have been too cool – but just hugging and touching of the arm or the back. It used to be rare for you to be near someone and not touch them in some way. We don’t do that anymore. We scuttle our feet and look for permission and keep our hands behind our backs or in our pockets. Is it because people have taken advantage in the past or because we are all afraid of being accused of assault or sexual misconduct?
I remember the thrill there used to be to ride past a crush’s house or hang out place. Now we call that stalking. I remember when a hug was just affection and not a groping tactic. I remember when I didn’t feel like I needed permission to touch someone’s arm or take their hand. I remember when I used to feel free to be me. And despite my rebellion against society’s mores, I feel more smothered under the weight of society’s rules and regulations than ever before. When did I become this person? When did I start craving for attention rather than just accepting it? When did I become not enough?
Well, on that note, the dry cleaning is done in the dryer and I think it is bedtime. To sleep perchance to dream.
Labels: life
posted by Taryn at 12:08 am
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