Taking deep breaths...
It’s hard – trying to catch up on shows that you have recorded long after the date. If anything goes wrong, you’re screwed. On Demand has pulled all the shows already – really – that’s what the summer is for people. So I am still tracking down the final CSI: Cyber and the fifth last episode of Supernatural. I finally tracked down the final Fresh off the Boat. I almost caught up on iZombie – loving that show. It’s witty, engrossing, fascinating, and so much fun. I just got caught up with Lip Sync Battle (ignoring today’s). That show is so awesome… and I got reintroduced to Lonely Island who does so many songs I know, but never knew who sang them. I’m totally in love with “I just had sex” – just of thinking of the video and the words makes me smile. Teehee.
I have tracked down all by one Pentatonix albums as well. And while doing that, we picked up 2 Cellos. What an eclectic range of music I have. On my recently added list I have the following:
I took today off – woke up exhausted and just not feeling well. I have had this feeling a lot in the last couple weeks. I can’t really describe what’s wrong other than I know I am not well. Between a heart that races when I try to sleep, to a headache that hovers in the background threateningly, to dizziness and nausea, and then the most random aches. Nothing that seems to add up to anything specific.
I made an impromptu appointment today with a doctor and first, I want to say I appreciated his bed side manner. He took time to talk with me. He asked a lot of questions, provided me with info, and made me laugh. We have no idea what’s wrong, but I left feeling less stressed about feeling unwell. He had me do an ECG to see if I have heart problems, but he said based on my numbers from my last checkup and the few tests in the office, I am pretty healthy. My blood pressure keeps randomly spiking, but because it then lowers quickly, there isn’t something obvious that’s wrong.
I graphed my blood pressure before I went and you can see the effect stress has had. My numbers were higher than last year, but still within normal levels – until May. As of May 16, my pressure had risen and the average from then til today is markedly higher. It’s not outrageous, but it’s not what I usually am. So what happened then – that was the middle of our second major project (technically my fourth). That was the start of me doing 53 hours of overtime in four weeks. That was my cat being ill and then us letting her go. That was a holiday full of ups and downs. My pressure was its worst the first day back to work after holidays. Partly because I talked about the cat and cried a lot. Partly because they weren’t done the project. I thought I’d left them in a good place and that I would have minimal stuff to do when I got back and instead, day one I was dragged back in on the same part that I left. Literally, I sent a message to my boss saying I had left a document needing review on the printer and no one touched it. I got back and I had to review it.
Our deadline ended and our unit all wanted some time to just have some easy days. Instead, it’s been catching up on all the stuff that wasn’t done during the deadline. I haven’t had time to do filing (the pile is almost 6 inches tall) or clean my emails (there are over 1200 in my inbox). And we are not getting a break – everyone wants the analysis on what we learned and what the next steps are on the project we just finished. And they want it yesterday.
So I struggle – I don’t want to give work my life. I want to do a good job and help people, but not at the risk of my health. I want my boss to push back, to say no, and to say the first next step is a break for our unit. I want to be able to come home and have energy and interest in my life. I want to do the many things on my hobby list. My friends are shocked that I am just not in the mood to be the sensuous person I am. I’m tired. I want a harem right now not to sleep with, but to help with what chores need to be done. I want someone to help lift the pressure off of me so I can enjoy exercising and sex and hobbies.
And this heat doesn’t help. I have never liked the heat. With June being so hot, I just don’t know how I am going to survive the rest of summer. The heat saps my energy. I think it is partly why I’m not feeling well. I just can’t get cool. I really think I need to get air conditioning. My bedroom is 28 degrees right now with a fan running. It’s 27 on the main floor. It’s ridiculous.
Anyway, that’s what is in my head right now. I need to work on being less stressed, on getting more exercise into my life, on being less of a worrier, and on not taking so much onto my shoulders.
I have tracked down all by one Pentatonix albums as well. And while doing that, we picked up 2 Cellos. What an eclectic range of music I have. On my recently added list I have the following:
Kirby Krackle – nerd rockI’m enjoying them all; although to be fair, Adam gets played the most. I just adore him too much.
The Who – old rock
Pentatonix – a cappella covers
2 Cellos – instrumental rock
Just the Hits 2015 – pop
Leonard Cohen – sung poetry
Adam Lambert – pop
Kelly Clarkson – pop
DJ Scandalous – rap
Maroon 5 – pop
I took today off – woke up exhausted and just not feeling well. I have had this feeling a lot in the last couple weeks. I can’t really describe what’s wrong other than I know I am not well. Between a heart that races when I try to sleep, to a headache that hovers in the background threateningly, to dizziness and nausea, and then the most random aches. Nothing that seems to add up to anything specific.
I made an impromptu appointment today with a doctor and first, I want to say I appreciated his bed side manner. He took time to talk with me. He asked a lot of questions, provided me with info, and made me laugh. We have no idea what’s wrong, but I left feeling less stressed about feeling unwell. He had me do an ECG to see if I have heart problems, but he said based on my numbers from my last checkup and the few tests in the office, I am pretty healthy. My blood pressure keeps randomly spiking, but because it then lowers quickly, there isn’t something obvious that’s wrong.
I graphed my blood pressure before I went and you can see the effect stress has had. My numbers were higher than last year, but still within normal levels – until May. As of May 16, my pressure had risen and the average from then til today is markedly higher. It’s not outrageous, but it’s not what I usually am. So what happened then – that was the middle of our second major project (technically my fourth). That was the start of me doing 53 hours of overtime in four weeks. That was my cat being ill and then us letting her go. That was a holiday full of ups and downs. My pressure was its worst the first day back to work after holidays. Partly because I talked about the cat and cried a lot. Partly because they weren’t done the project. I thought I’d left them in a good place and that I would have minimal stuff to do when I got back and instead, day one I was dragged back in on the same part that I left. Literally, I sent a message to my boss saying I had left a document needing review on the printer and no one touched it. I got back and I had to review it.
Our deadline ended and our unit all wanted some time to just have some easy days. Instead, it’s been catching up on all the stuff that wasn’t done during the deadline. I haven’t had time to do filing (the pile is almost 6 inches tall) or clean my emails (there are over 1200 in my inbox). And we are not getting a break – everyone wants the analysis on what we learned and what the next steps are on the project we just finished. And they want it yesterday.
So I struggle – I don’t want to give work my life. I want to do a good job and help people, but not at the risk of my health. I want my boss to push back, to say no, and to say the first next step is a break for our unit. I want to be able to come home and have energy and interest in my life. I want to do the many things on my hobby list. My friends are shocked that I am just not in the mood to be the sensuous person I am. I’m tired. I want a harem right now not to sleep with, but to help with what chores need to be done. I want someone to help lift the pressure off of me so I can enjoy exercising and sex and hobbies.
And this heat doesn’t help. I have never liked the heat. With June being so hot, I just don’t know how I am going to survive the rest of summer. The heat saps my energy. I think it is partly why I’m not feeling well. I just can’t get cool. I really think I need to get air conditioning. My bedroom is 28 degrees right now with a fan running. It’s 27 on the main floor. It’s ridiculous.
Anyway, that’s what is in my head right now. I need to work on being less stressed, on getting more exercise into my life, on being less of a worrier, and on not taking so much onto my shoulders.
posted by Taryn at 9:34 pm
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