Everybody is beautiful on the inside. If you think bones and guts are beautiful.
I swear I could go to bed right now. I just feel like crap. I think I burnt the top of my head too. That is what I get for trying to keep active while at work – go for a couple of walks in this weather and the next thing you know, the head is a bit red and a headache forms and you’re bloody tired and despite it being almost 7, I am ready for bed. It hasn’t helped that I am so tired I am uninterested in food (though I really need to eat). I also came home and I just HAD to change the bedding (it is laundry night). And of course being me, I didn’t just change the bedding, no, I stripped the bed down to the mattress, turned the bed and I am currently washing the duvets, the blankets, the mattress covers, sheets and pillowcases. And after ALL of that, I need to still do the two loads of regular laundry. Someone just put me to bed now. Sighhhh.
I HATE this heat. That goodness for the wind. I have so many windows open, trying to get the cool breeze in here.
Depression hit again this week. It didn’t help when D mentioned that adventure was missing from our lives. Really – I don’t know where people get this idea – but adventure is nowhere near my middle name. I am not big on the traveling. I think a perfect holiday is just getting out of the city where I can sit in a comfy chair (hammock) all day, just reading, then a delicious fire cooked supper (usually hot dogs and marshmallows) and then a lovely sleep in the fresh country air. Remember my greatest place to live would be a cabin in the woods where no one can bother me. Does ANY of this sound like adventure? Of course, what even holds me back from these dreams is the never-ending list of to-dos around the house. During the wonderful work meetings last week, when I was bored out of my gourd, I wrote 3 pages of things that needed to be done – and we aren’t talking merely wash windows, wash floors – we are talking wash specific room windows, wash specific floors, weed specific areas, etc. I think part of my dream of having a harem is so that I have someone elses to assist me with the chores. Maybe with more help I can get a chance to relax more and take those restful breaks. Instead, I pack as much cleaning as I can in, so that I can’t completely stop and rest, stop and relax, stop and just be me.
Am I sick of being with me? I don’t think so – I love being with me. I have wonderful conversations in my head. I have a wicked sense of humor that I enjoy. I just find that I am unsatisfied. I seem to get bored and though a part of me has all these great ideas of projects I want to do, I just can’t seem to get motivated enough to start. Goodness, you should see my house right now. The kitchen counter is full of dishes. My office is so cluttered with piles (still haven’t found a solution to store things since I gave away the dresser). I don’t want to be at home, but I really have nowhere else to go. I am trying not to spend money so the renos can get done. I don’t want to give up a life for the renos, but part of me wonders what life would I be giving up. What life do I have now? Hey no getting mad at me, I already mentioned I was depressed. I soooooo want to go spend money. Ah that little rebellious bitch in me. Gotta love her.
Ooh – laundry stopped – must change loads – be back soon… Oops – overloaded the washer a bit – gotta spin half that load again. Heehee.
So where was I? Oh yeah - spending money. It's that middle point of renos that drives you crazy. We are working on the outside of the house and it is just waiting for the weather to stabilize and for the contractors to be available. And part of me just wants something to be done - paint on the front hall wall. A floor for my office. New blinds for the dining room. I just want - almost Need - to do something that gets done. Something I can look at and feel accomplished. And it can't be chore related because two days later and you may as well start all over again.
Well, all the bedding has all been in the washer now. Only the two loads of clothes to do yet. Whew!
Does someone want to come over and clean my house? Yeah – me neither. How about come over and cook? I thought not. Sighhhh. However, I have done a few things today that make me feel a bit productive. So maybe, just maybe I will get up the energy to do some of the other things that NEED to be done just for the sake of my sanity.
On that note, I think I shall sign off and try to do something.
I HATE this heat. That goodness for the wind. I have so many windows open, trying to get the cool breeze in here.
Depression hit again this week. It didn’t help when D mentioned that adventure was missing from our lives. Really – I don’t know where people get this idea – but adventure is nowhere near my middle name. I am not big on the traveling. I think a perfect holiday is just getting out of the city where I can sit in a comfy chair (hammock) all day, just reading, then a delicious fire cooked supper (usually hot dogs and marshmallows) and then a lovely sleep in the fresh country air. Remember my greatest place to live would be a cabin in the woods where no one can bother me. Does ANY of this sound like adventure? Of course, what even holds me back from these dreams is the never-ending list of to-dos around the house. During the wonderful work meetings last week, when I was bored out of my gourd, I wrote 3 pages of things that needed to be done – and we aren’t talking merely wash windows, wash floors – we are talking wash specific room windows, wash specific floors, weed specific areas, etc. I think part of my dream of having a harem is so that I have someone elses to assist me with the chores. Maybe with more help I can get a chance to relax more and take those restful breaks. Instead, I pack as much cleaning as I can in, so that I can’t completely stop and rest, stop and relax, stop and just be me.
Am I sick of being with me? I don’t think so – I love being with me. I have wonderful conversations in my head. I have a wicked sense of humor that I enjoy. I just find that I am unsatisfied. I seem to get bored and though a part of me has all these great ideas of projects I want to do, I just can’t seem to get motivated enough to start. Goodness, you should see my house right now. The kitchen counter is full of dishes. My office is so cluttered with piles (still haven’t found a solution to store things since I gave away the dresser). I don’t want to be at home, but I really have nowhere else to go. I am trying not to spend money so the renos can get done. I don’t want to give up a life for the renos, but part of me wonders what life would I be giving up. What life do I have now? Hey no getting mad at me, I already mentioned I was depressed. I soooooo want to go spend money. Ah that little rebellious bitch in me. Gotta love her.
Ooh – laundry stopped – must change loads – be back soon… Oops – overloaded the washer a bit – gotta spin half that load again. Heehee.
So where was I? Oh yeah - spending money. It's that middle point of renos that drives you crazy. We are working on the outside of the house and it is just waiting for the weather to stabilize and for the contractors to be available. And part of me just wants something to be done - paint on the front hall wall. A floor for my office. New blinds for the dining room. I just want - almost Need - to do something that gets done. Something I can look at and feel accomplished. And it can't be chore related because two days later and you may as well start all over again.
Well, all the bedding has all been in the washer now. Only the two loads of clothes to do yet. Whew!
Does someone want to come over and clean my house? Yeah – me neither. How about come over and cook? I thought not. Sighhhh. However, I have done a few things today that make me feel a bit productive. So maybe, just maybe I will get up the energy to do some of the other things that NEED to be done just for the sake of my sanity.
On that note, I think I shall sign off and try to do something.
Labels: life
posted by Taryn at 7:55 pm
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home