When the past returns...
I was out shopping with L last night and we ran into an old friend. Considering we were trying to avoid this person, it was not the best situation to be in when she called out my name and then proceeded to talk. It is not that neither L nor I wish this person anything bad; I know for me, I chose to remove this person from my life. There was a time when she and I were best friends who told each other everything and experienced a lot together. Then as time went, the relationship became less balanced. She seemed to need more attention focused on her and would often interrupt me with either a ‘related’ story or to ‘one up’ me. I tried confronting her like a civilized adult, but she neither heard nor wanted to hear my feelings. So I told her that I wasn’t going to put up with it and I stopped taking her calls or emails. I became busy with a life that did not include her.
It may seem harsh - she had been my friend for about 10 years. I just got tired of being a friend and not getting a friend in return. I realized that I was spending an awful lot of time being mad at her and it was adding negativity to my life. So I stopped it. And though there has been the odd occasion to wonder how she is doing, I really never regretted my decision.
So last night, I gave her another chance and interacted with her. I was impressed by some of the changes and I congratulated her on several of her accomplishments. But I also became aware that several things had not changed. She still interrupted to tell her story and she did not listen fully when either L or I talked. She hinted several times that she would like for her and I to get together and catch up, flagrantly ignoring L. I took the passive route and just hmmm’ed. But am I truly interested in allowing her back into my life…?
I wish her all the best that life can give her. I hope she is happy and she gets what she wishes from life. I do not think that it is in either of our best interests to resume our friendship. Really, I shouldn’t speak for her – I don’t think it is in MY best interest to resume our friendship.
It is so hard to let go of a friendship. So much happened though, that though I forgive her, I just don’t feel that I want to be in that situation again. You know, Shame on you, Shame on me. To forgive does not mean to forget. Just because I can forgive her doesn’t mean I have to lie down and let her do it again. I learned from that experience. Now I move on.
Doesn’t that ever-returning email state that people come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime? Can I not let her be a Season? Let her time come to rest and move on? Part of me thinks that L and I managed to reestablish our friendship, why can't I do so with her? The other part of me wants to smack me and tell me to remember what I had decided.
Yeah, that is what is going on in my head right now. Just thought I would share.
It may seem harsh - she had been my friend for about 10 years. I just got tired of being a friend and not getting a friend in return. I realized that I was spending an awful lot of time being mad at her and it was adding negativity to my life. So I stopped it. And though there has been the odd occasion to wonder how she is doing, I really never regretted my decision.
So last night, I gave her another chance and interacted with her. I was impressed by some of the changes and I congratulated her on several of her accomplishments. But I also became aware that several things had not changed. She still interrupted to tell her story and she did not listen fully when either L or I talked. She hinted several times that she would like for her and I to get together and catch up, flagrantly ignoring L. I took the passive route and just hmmm’ed. But am I truly interested in allowing her back into my life…?
I wish her all the best that life can give her. I hope she is happy and she gets what she wishes from life. I do not think that it is in either of our best interests to resume our friendship. Really, I shouldn’t speak for her – I don’t think it is in MY best interest to resume our friendship.
It is so hard to let go of a friendship. So much happened though, that though I forgive her, I just don’t feel that I want to be in that situation again. You know, Shame on you, Shame on me. To forgive does not mean to forget. Just because I can forgive her doesn’t mean I have to lie down and let her do it again. I learned from that experience. Now I move on.
Doesn’t that ever-returning email state that people come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime? Can I not let her be a Season? Let her time come to rest and move on? Part of me thinks that L and I managed to reestablish our friendship, why can't I do so with her? The other part of me wants to smack me and tell me to remember what I had decided.
Yeah, that is what is going on in my head right now. Just thought I would share.
posted by Taryn at 10:49 pm
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