Say it right, Caely

In the day
In the night
Say it all
Say it right
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there's no time for joking
There's a hole in the plan

The battlefield is drawn. The horde is on the other side of the wall, things normally found in your nightmares. They have advanced and stopped. You know that tonight is the night. Your life could end in only a few short hours before dawn. The heroes have done what they could to alter the outcome. A month passes quickly when heroes travel across the land, trying to even the odds of the coming fight. Did they do enough? Did they do all they could do? Will you be there to find out in the end?

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
Do you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

Morale is high and yet beneath it all is something only fear can name. You remember the feel of silken hair beneath your fingers. You remember the sigh on parted lips. You remember the sight of a soft smile, unshed tears, the dark knowledge in eyes before they closed in sweet surrender.

I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault
I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show
You tonite you tonite

The moon is large in the sky tonight and she sheds her light across the field. You know beside you are hundreds of people, ready to lay down their lives to fight for this town and what it represents. And yet, in your heart, you feel alone. Your fingers feel cold and you flex them over your weapons. You are anxious for the fighting to begin and yet, if you could move back time, you would do anything to prevent this moment from coming. What is done is done though and you cannot change what has happened. The battlefield has been drawn and the tension mounts as you await for the fight to begin. You inhale deeply and smell the fires of oiled torches. The wind changes and you know that the time has come.

From my hands I could give you
Something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?

The last two days and nights you spent building the morale of the troops and it has all come down to this moment. Fear clogs your throat and your breaths become shallow. You did all you could in the last month to stop this seige. They call you a hero and say all you did has helped. They asked for your opinion in how to finish this fight and all you could focus on was how many towns had been crossed off in red on their maps. So many lives lost already, so many more to come. You pray that you did enough, but you know now that it was pittance. After all, what are you, but a lone being on a journey. You are no hero, your fear has lead you before. If only they knew, then they would know why you shouldn’t be here. A laugh nearby startles you out of your ponderance. You glance back into the battlefield and remember to breathe deep. In and out, in and out. You focus on the memory of the last two nights. The feel of another’s skin against your own, the taste of their lips, the sight of lust and satisfaction in their eyes, the rememberance of being alive. You did all you could and you will do all you can. It is all anyone can demand. And if all happens as it should and good triumphs, then tomorrow, you can gather in the warmth of someone’s heat again and remember what it feels like to feel alive.

Note: lyrics from Nelly Furtado