Saturday, November 16, 2013

Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them, but you know they’re always there.

I am sooooo sore. Moving furniture last night followed by snow shoveling today – ooowww. So much has happened since my last post and to some extent I am surprised that I have survived it mostly intact. Not that I feel that way today, but I have.

We just ended week 17 of our four week renovation. Yep – you saw that correctly. Not only has the time quadrupled, but the cost has almost doubled. In fact, with the few things we still have to buy, it will have probably doubled. And this does not include the non-financial costs. My stress level has been through the roof. My house is a mess; my routine is out the window; my stress-relieving hobbies are packed away; so many heated discussions with D. Is it going to be worth it? Honestly, at this point, I can’t see that far ahead. I just want it done. It is not exactly what I envisioned. I haven’t had time to process whether it is as good or better yet. Last night, we moved the furniture back in as we just did not want to pay for another month of the storage pods. The renovation isn’t quite complete, but oh well, they will have to work around the furniture. I am hoping it with be mostly complete this week. There are two things on back-order; one should come in tomorrow, the other I am not sure. Have I learned a lot from this reno? Oh yes. I thought we had everything figured out, but I learned we weren’t even close. I learned you have to watch them like a hawk because if something can be done wrong, there is a good chance it will. I have learned I do not work well without my coping mechanisms. I learned that a stressful job with a stressful home life do not make me a happy person. I learned that no matter how aware you are of being an emotional eater, there are days you just have to give in to the need and forget the strategies. I learned that D and I can get along longer each time in stressful situations before one of us puts our foot down. I learned I am more of an optimist that I realized and the disappointment comes on so strong when my hopes are dashed. I am hoping by Christmas to have my basement finished – unpacked, set up, and utterly useful. I am not confident on this date.

My PVR started having lots of lots of problems, so I had to get a new one. The old one is still set up because it is full and I have so many movies and shows I want to watch. The new one only records in HD, which has filled it so quickly that already we need to buy an expander (we can’t remove the one from the old PVR due to the numbers of shows I need to watch.) I am not a fan of the new format (boy, is it not user-friendly), but I am making due. I wanted to get the Gateway, but goodness knows, being able to tape six shows at once will not help my TV addiction at all.

I had to go to Vancouver for a week for work and stayed for a few extra days to spend some time with S. I have never added extra time to a work trip before and goodness, did work make it super hard. If not for the fact that I enjoyed my time with S so much, I would never do it again. Even coming back and putting in my claim was a hassle and a half. It’s not confusing people – read the notes I added and it will all make sense. Sighhhh... I did have a wonderful time with S. We visited the craft show, ate at a wonderful restaurant, ate fabulous home-cooked food, hung out, and talked. The excitement happened on the ride home late Friday night as we went along East Hastings. Oh my… I honestly thought there was going to be a riot outside our bus. Thankfully, nothing happened and the police showed up, but there were a few fearful thoughts running through my head. It was hard to leave S, but it was also time to go home. Being away for a week is hard, even with the chaos at home.

So my birthday is right around the corner. I am not really excited about it. I am still a bit bummed out about what happened last year and who knows if the renos will be done by then. I have to work and then have yoga that night. The next day is a massage followed hopefully by dinner out. I know there has been so many good things in my life this last year as well. I have some really good friends who had stood by me. I have some great newer friends I have spent time getting to know better. D and I are getting along better each year. I did a photo shoot and it went fabulously. And yet, I am so tired – emotionally, physically, and mentally. I was actually not even in the mood for Halloween this year until the day of. And that’s my favorite holiday of the year. Christmas is around the corner and I have not finished my shopping yet and I just don’t have the energy right now to finish. I wish I could take some days off, but at work, we are crazy busy. I am on so many training courses and this week we start facilitating our 10 week training course. So many other projects are getting under way finally (starting months later than anticipated). I feel like I have nothing under control. I am soooo hoping that this coming year is going to be better. I am hoping by having my house back in order and people not in and out of my house weekdays, that maybe I can start relaxing. Maybe I can get back on my lifestyle plan and return to exercising and doing hobbies and relaxing. So many hopes. So tired of being optimistic.

Anyway, it’s a hard time in my life right now. I am trying so hard to find balance, to stay positive, to do what is right for me and those around me. I want things to be better. I am hopeful they will get there. Someday soon.

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