I've got cute out the butt.

I doubt that the imagination can be suppressed. If you truly eradicated it in a child, he would grow up to be an eggplant.”
Ursula K. Le Guin

3 years of blogging – the ebbs and flows, the dedicated and the procrastinated, the happy and the sad. 3 years of opening my feelings and thoughts to the unknown and known. 3 years of ranting, whining, celebrating and sharing. So much has changed in those three years and yet… it feels like so little. There has been a lot less domestic advice in this blog, perhaps because I see people who do it better. There has been a lot more about my life though and maybe a few rants more than I expected. But it has been a good three years and I wish for many more.

Unlike so many of my friends, I have not left the blogging world for Facebook/life/etc. I still have several nights of alone time and while in summer I am less consistent due to the late light and the need to do, I plan on being here for a while. Maybe I will pick up the domestic bent again. I have a couple of new recipes I have tried and liked. (Although once again, I am avoiding cooking by blogging. Heehee.) Maybe I will branch out a bit more with my creativity and see where it takes me.

I want to thank all those who read this mess of my life and occasionally comment. I hope occasionally I have made you laugh and maybe feel a bit of sympathy for me now and then. Or perhaps I stirred your blood with a rant, for good or bad. I like to get people passionate.

I am off though to make some supper and get my arse moving (only a few thousand more steps to go for today). Hope you are all having a great summer, a fabulous life and please – drop by and check up on me now and then. Perhaps I can share something new with you.

Not ready to make nice

So what’s the latest news on my life front? Well, Tuesday I found out that my position no longer exists in my department. Sometime between now and fall 2009, I will be relocated to another department. Isn’t that nice of them? I have been working very hard this week trying to remind myself why I should give a shite about this department and do a good job. I mean, I know the good job I have been doing, most of them know what a good job I have been doing, all except some big wigs in comfy chairs high above us low lings, who have no clue. I wonder at what the point of all my work has been. I feel it is all for naught since, once I am gone, the errors will skyrocket again. I have also started putting out feelers about a different job so I can control where I end up because the department they have been discussing is the one I turned down prior to accepting this job for good reason.

So needless to say, after all my work and my adjusting and starting to feel like I belong and maybe, just maybe I could do this job for a few years, it’s all gone. The fave co-worker is on 3 weeks holiday, so I sent him an email letting him know the news – if he gets access to an internet café then he may not be surprised before he gets back.

The pessimistic side of me says I should have seen it coming. It’s truly not a surprise – I did have a fairly good idea this would happen eventually. Just goes to show who you can trust. What is the point of working hard if you just keep getting kicked in the ass?

The optimistic part of me says it’s an opportunity. I didn’t really want to stay in the department – I have seen the corruption and I know it’s not truly for me. So I should stay true to my vision/myself and take what I learned from here, add it to my experiences and continue on my path.

Both want to reach for junk food to self-medicate. However, as I reminded myself this morning, my most fabulous of brothers is getting married sometime within the next 2 years (they aren’t sure yet) and it’s a destination wedding and they both like hot! Which means I need to renew my commitment to myself to be the best I can be, emotionally, spiritually and physically. I need to find what is holding me at this point and get over it.

Yesterday, I helped milady move – O M G – let’s not discuss the practicality of that. I have a new decree – no friends moving in the blistering cold of winter NOR the blistering heat of summer. The good thing of it was I got to catch up with her son, who is such a great young man. Also, don’t tell her but one of S!’s friends is kinda cute. Of course, it is hard to flirt and feel good about yourself when you are perspiring – a LOT. However, I lost 1.5 lbs yesterday. Heehee.

I am all caught up on Swingtown too – wow! I LOVE this show. My friend S told me that I am not allowed to feel like I am Janet (though I truly think my friends see me as her - the goody two shoes who doesn’t do anything bad and certainly wouldn’t be involved in anything too risqué, who is always in control and would be shocked by so many things) because she instantly identified me with Trina. Teehee. And watching Trina yesterday over the last 3 shows, I could see it a bit – what an ego stroke. I think I can relate on some level with all 3: Janet for her need for appearances to be a certain way and the feel of not belonging with all the changing times; Susan for putting that toe out into the flux of life and trying to experience it, and; Trina for being open minded and accepting and yet having that bit of self-doubt.

I know a part of me I have downplayed a lot lately, due to my intuition about some of the people we hang with. And I am tired of it. As my friend N says I am a very sensual woman and I like having that show. I need to accept that some of my friends are not going to be comfortable with me in my playful mode, but really, I can only respect their values so far without compromising mine and I am tired of compromising mine. I am tired of feeling like I am conforming. I have always been a big believer in stroking other people’s egos (among other things – heehee) whether it be by flirting or complimenting people with the truth. Why should I limit this? I like flirting – it makes all participants feel good. I wonder sometimes why it makes others uncomfortable and whether I should adjust who I am to make them more comfortable. Is that really my duty? Or should we all just accept each other for who we are? If you are uncomfortable with it, should the other person really change or should you deal with your own feelings? Isn’t that the gist of it?

Anyway – aside from all of this, things have been quite busy. Met with S for our final lunch in awhile the weekend before last. Though there were tears, we had a great time, she loved my gift (a scrapbook chronicling our 4+ year friendship, a lovely magnet that reminded me of her and of course, forget me nots). And when we said goodbye, we said it with smiles and caring and a promise to keep in touch. Then it was a rush out the door to camping at I&V’s cabin with A&J. Lovely time. Very relaxing. Of course, the Monday morning I discovered a dozen mosquito bites and by the evening there were over 2 dozen bites. Along one thigh from top to knee, there were 17. And each ankle looked like I had an anklet on. Sighhhh. Thankfully, we had left over anti-itch lotion from D’s allergic reaction.

Then last weekend, I spent the day with milady helping her dejunk and pack up the basement for her move. J wonderfully came over in the evening to assist. Then Sunday, my parents came by for haircuts and we had gaming that night. I haven’t decided on my feeling about Ptolus yet. It is quite a hard world – mind you, that could be because we have no dedicated healer in the party. Ikes! Our first big fight had me down to –9 at the first hit against me. Thankfully, the bard was able to save my ass as after the next person, it was my turn and I would be dead. Holy carp!

This week, you already heard the excitement. Friday night, I was at milady’s helping her pack and organize for the move and yesterday was the move. O M G – doing 8000 steps within 4 hours (So Many Stairs!) is a lot for me. I was soooooo sore. I think I would have been better if it hadn’t been so hot. As it was, it took a long time to get the energy up to make food after I got home and pretty much, I spent the evening in front of the TV catching up on shows – 3 Swingtown, 1 Holmes on Homes and 1 What not to wear. This morning I watched the updated Hairspray. I was kind of disappointed – I think the original was better and now I want to watch it again, because I think they changed some things quite significantly. Most of the actors were good though, but I remember getting into the whole segregation versus integration fight in the first movie and in this one, I wasn’t as moved. I don’t know. It was okay. Tonight – we are getting together for gaming again since half of the group is away the long weekend. Let’s hope it goes better. We desperately need more healing. I used a third of my healing potions already and with the lack of funds we have and the limited supply of potions, I don’t know how many more of these fights I can handle, let alone the group – I am supposed to be one of the fighter types – doesn’t bode well, eh? Heehee.

Sorry for the lack of updating – with the weather being what it is, I haven’t been on the computer much – too much thundering and lightening during the evenings and as you can tell, I have been busy most weekends. Plus with everyone else leaving the blogging world for Facebook, I have to spend a bit of time on there catching up. Don’t worry; I will stay a blogger. I am not the biggest Facebook fan. So yeah – that’s my life in a long nutshell.

Don't make the nice girl slap you silly.

Your result for The Attachment Style Test...

The Free Agent

You like to be independent, to play by your own rules. You're not terribly interested in finding a partner and settling down, and it makes you nervous to imagine that someone might depend on you for anything. Were you to find the right partner--someone as independent as you, probably--you'd not be too put out about sharing your adventures with him/her.

Fictional characters with whom you might identify: Han Solo (Star Wars), Beatrice ("Much Ado About Nothing")

Crazy doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Let me start by saying

I am having a BAD day!

It was a really hard day at work today and really there was no reason for it to be – it was a little busier than normal and there was a situation needing immediate attention, but today I just wasn’t at my peak of dealing with things, of tolerance or even of patience. I believe my contribution to the staff-meeting round table today was “I was late because I was fighting with Finance and I am still mad.” At least Beyotch was smart enough to stay away from me today. I would make comments about her usual sloughing off work on other people except she announced today she is having medical problems and I try not to make fun of the mentally – er- the medically ill.

Other than that, there are some situations arising outside of work that have me stewing about things. Sometimes it amazes me when my moral compass decides to assert itself. Seems strange to say I am mad for the reason I am mad – but when I start thinking/talking about it, it really comes down to respect for me and my beliefs. You dis those and you piss me off. I just have to decide how I want to deal with it/process it. That I haven’t figured out yet.

Today is proof I am an emotional eater – as I was leaving work, all that was going through my head was what can I eat to make me feel better. I have resisted doing anything to drastic by staying home – though a slush float or even better – a LARGE COKE SLURPEE – would really make me feel better if only for the sugar/caffeine rush. So far, I have had some nuts and the last handful of nerds in my box. And I am drinking crystal lite. Goodness, my life sucks!

Anyway, enough pity party for me. I have a project to work on and the laundry should be done shortly. I know I shouldn’t be running the washer right now, but see above paragraph – I am not feeling all that friendly today.

You can be a princess and still kick butt

Forgive me my friends for I have tempted the law… You see, dear, dear friends of ours entrusted us with the care of their animals during their disappearance. Being a wonder of multitasking, I convinced milady to just pop by with me so we could sit and talk while spending time with the animals before continuing our day of shopping. Imagine my surprise when the keys didn’t quite work.

You see, the week before, our wonderful friends had dropped off keys and requested us to just to stop by and make sure the animals didn’t starve or dehydrate. I didn’t think to ask if the keys were new or that they had been tried – nope, silly me just assumed. So imagine me and milady standing at the front door – mail in one hand, keys in the other and I am trying to figure out why one key won’t even fit and the other doesn’t seem to open the deadbolt. We’ll check the back door, I say, perhaps they thought D and I would go to the back door. Nope. We thought we got one lock unlocked, but the other – no go. Oh boy. And of course, all I am hearing is the wonderful animals calling me from inside the house. Ack!

So I did what any other great friend would do, I decided to see if we could break into the house. After some interesting maneuvering involving bricks and some ingenuity, we were not much closer to entering the house. However, I could at least pet one of the animals to reassure him. Of course, that is when their neighbors arrived home. And that is when milady (so not a scorpio, but I still love her dearly) completely spilled the beans about us breaking into the house – I clarified to them that the supplied keys were not working and that there were animals in the house that needed at least water on these hot days.

Of course, it is not as easy as it looks breaking into someone’s house. What I wouldn’t have done for Masterwork thieves tools and a decent Open lock skill check. Or else smaller breasts. Milady and I are not too shabby in that department which means fitting through the window was not a likely scenario. Without the Open lock ability or the ability to shape shift my breasts to a much smaller size, I came up with a compromise – I would borrow a bowl from the neighbors and at least provide the animals with fresh water. Wonderful neighbors, I must add. (I personally would have been calling the cops as my partner went over to check out the people trying to break into the house).

While the bowl was being filled, one of the neighbors was trying the key (men never believe when we say we jiggled the key) when milady managed to break in. We thanked the neighbor profusely. The animals were so helpful by being so friendly – I love those animals. Treats were had, water filled, food bowls filled, and a note left and then we spent several minutes trying to prevent someone else from doing what we just did while not looking too obvious. The neighbors nicely agreed to keep an eye on the house and they have my name and number in case of any emergencies. And with my heart in my stomach, giggles impending for the fearful excitement of breaking the law and the knowledge that my friends are going to question my logic as the animals “would have survived,” we left and kept an eye/ear for following law enforcement vehicles. Please forgive me friends - you know how I worry.