Sunday, September 23, 2007

A weird and wacky week

What an odd movie. I just watched The Night Listener. No one else wanted to see it because the info on the movie made it sound like there is sexual abuse involving a child. There is talk of it, but there is none in the movie. However, I can honestly say I have no idea if I like the show and not. It was very weird…very interesting and very thought provoking. I don’t even know if I would recommend it. Hmm.

So it has been a quiet weekend, for the most part. D was away for a work trip, so I have been alone for most of the last few days. It’s weird when I am alone. I tend to either want lots of music or total silence. Of course if it’s quiet, then that means I tend to think…a lot! But I got a lot done and a lot has happened.

I have been sick, as you already know. Took Monday off to sleep (and boy did I, finally left the bed at 3). And it has been weird this week too. This sickness has left me not hungry. I eat cause I know I should. Even on Monday when I slept til 3, I hadn’t eaten in 18 hours and I wasn’t hungry when I got up. How odd is that? Even while D has been gone, I just haven’t been hungry. I don’t know if this is a good thing or not.

Other weird events, I got an email from the darling DS asking me to call, which I did of course. She is alive. Whoohoo! She unfortunately has a lot of things going on and wasn’t able to return my call that night, however in the half hour that I thought I had before she called me back, I washed dishes, did the recycling, took out the garbage and started the dishwasher. Rockin’.

Work led to my favorite coworker having a mini-breakdown and actually getting involved in something. She is known for not being aware of things around her and I have tried not to get her involved because sometimes the best survival technique is ostriching. But on Tuesday, she had it. She talked to me some more about what I am expected to do and how it is not fair and not my job. It was nice because I know she sees what I do. It was also frustrating because it put it foremost in my mind and thus bugged me the whole night as well. Wednesday, I took a chance and put a call into a manager who I had talked to about a possible position. It was very aggressive of me and man, was I nervous doing it. However, Thursday he called back and guess what everyone?!? I have a new position in a few weeks, in a different office, different department. Wow. I got the call first thing in Thursday morning and I pulled my fave coworker into a boardroom so I could tell someone and when I did, we both started crying. I know- silly us. I think with all the stress and such, it was bittersweet news for both of us. I was able to tell my supervisor on Friday and I almost teared up telling him as well. Goodness gracious. I decided to wait until this week to tell everyone else. I just needed some time to think about it all and tell some friends and get over the nerves of the situation and return to the excitement. It is not going to go over well. But there is a part of me that just wants to scream – I’m Free!!!!!!!

Friday was the opening of my favorite Halloween store and I was extremely fortunate that milady and S! decided to go with me. It was different this year though both because D wasn’t there with me and because the business was sold this spring. The new owners seem okay, but it wasn’t as friendly or welcoming as it usually is. We’ll see how it goes. We then hit a restaurant Phobicous (spelling?), which is a Vietnamese place on 109 st. It was good, though I had to disappoint poor S! because I don’t like seafood and he ordered a couple of appetizers and when they came, they both had shrimp in them so despite his offer to share, I wasn’t interested. Unfortunately I am born and bred Albertan – chicken or beef please. Heehee. However, I definitely would recommend the restaurant.

Saturday was a great time at lunch with my bestest bud S. She is very happy for me with the new position (she’s been encouraging me to move on since she left the office). We had a great lunch at a Sicilian pasta place on Jasper - to die for pasta with a good price and good portions. Neither of us finished our meals, though we did have dessert. And the waitress was so funny – I found 3 things on the menu that didn’t mention chocolate. I asked about one and she came back to say that is does have a small layer of chocolate, so I asked about the Key Lime cheesecake (you’d assume it would be safe, eh?). She says it is okay but when she comes with it, the crust is black. So we ask if there is chocolate in it and she says no, she checked. It just says crumbled cookie crust. S asks what kind of cookie, like an Oreo? And the waitress says, oh probably. We both looked at her like she was nuts. Hello, Oreos are made with chocolate. I told her it was okay (cause I wasn’t feeling like gelato for dessert) and I would just eat around the crust. I got a small taste of it cause the crust was very mushy and yeah, it was chocolate. Oy! But otherwise it was a great time with awesome conversation (as always) and great company. (Reminds me I have to get together with N yet – sorry!) It is terrible that S is leaving next year. Every time I think about it, I get sad. I am going to truly miss her.

Unfortunately, I was wiped out after lunch and instead of going to B&C’s party and infecting everyone, I stayed home and played on the computer and tried to relax. Today, I did some shopping, then came home and did a whole bunch of gardening stuff and then rested. My garden looks so bare. I cut down all the raspberry bushes and took out all the veggies that were done and all I have left is one spinach plant, 3 lettuce plants, and a row of beets. Wednesday those will be going to some coworkers and the neighbor and anyone else if I have any left. The garden looks so empty and it makes the yard look so big. Very odd.

So the other latest thing that I am doing is – I started a yoga class on Mondays. I know, I know, I have to tape Heroes cause the class is the same time as Heroes, but I have the PVR now. I will survive. Heehee. I am looking forward to yoga though. I am hoping that it will give me some relaxation and some more flexibility. What a week of new things eh?

This week is exhausting just thinking about it because all the shows start this week – okay, most of them start this week. I have already started out planning the whens and what needs to be taped and what order to watch things. Wednesdays and Thursdays are going to be the worst. I am very excited though to see all my fave shows again. They’re like friends to me. Hee hee.

Anyway, I am getting cold, which means I am tired, so I should be off to bed. Have a couple more chores to do and then I am out like a light.

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Saturday, September 15, 2007

Ahhhhh.....chu!

Well, it is official. I am getting sick. I blame all of my friends around me, cause y’all got sick first! Really, you didn’t need to share. Heehee. How do I know I am sick? Besides, the consistent sneezing (I HATE to sneeze), I just ate a handful of jalapeno chips and my tongue is not burning as it should be. Sighhhh. There go my taste buds. And I loves jalapeno chips. Sighhhh.

So I got cornered at work on Friday by 2 co-workers who I know have my interests at heart and I know their intentions were good, but it just came across as rather belittling. My office is stressed. We have a lot of info we need to know and yes, they keep throwing staff at us, but that doesn’t lessen the amount of info we each need to know. So everyone is getting sick and not coming in. And those of us who do come in are just putting ourselves at risk for illness (see paragraph above) as we are so stressed that our immune systems are lowering. I know part of why I am stressed and I understand that it is part of personality. Those who know me know that I like to be power behind the throne. So I like to know what is going on. I like to be involved and I also tend to take on new projects so to ‘pad’ my resume. Problem is that when I take on the new project, I still have all the old ones. There are few at the office that will assist, let alone take something off of my hands. The result is that I am feeling overwhelmed because I feel like if I don’t do it, no one will and I will be seen as the slacker for not doing it in the first place. Is this how my co-workers see me? I don’t know, but it is how it comes across. Add to that, I go home and I am in charge of keeping the house. I am the person who does the majority of the chores. I do all of the cooking (unless we order). I feel like I have no down time, that I have nothing that is just for me. There is a potential for me to move to another office, which would change my duties considerably. And while I was talking with the supervisor there, part of my mind was thinking of all the cheat sheets I need to write so that someone can take over what I do now. I mean, seriously, how sad is that. I wish I could be the type of person who just walks away, who doesn’t consider herself essential. I know I am replaceable. I am not saying that the office wouldn’t suffer for a while, but they would recover and life would go on. They have done it before. And the new people would be forced to step up (cause the old timers won’t).

I recently did some training in which I stated that one of my goals within the next 6 months would be to learn to let go. Boy, was I hopeful! How do you train yourself to do that? How do you go from being so passionate and involved to being calm and I guess, aloof?

Anyway, that is what has been on my mind as of late. In the next few days, nothing should be on my mind cause I will be sick and with sickness comes a lack of mental capacity. Perhaps it will also come with some sick days so I can stay home and sleep ALL day. Sleep. I loves sleep. Heehee.

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Thursday, September 13, 2007

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Sunday, September 09, 2007

Ain’t that the truth

I like the look of agony
Because I know it’s true

Emily Dickinson

Winter is coming… how do I know? I am in hibernating mode, which means mentally I am starving ALL the time. I don’t feel like cooking, but put a bag of chips in front of me and there is a large part of me that just wants to inhale the entire bag. I just want carbs! Thankfully, I have had the willpower to resist thus far. The cat on the other hand is driving me nuts with her craving of more food. She keeps emptying her bowl and then talking up a storm as soon as you get near the kitchen.

In other news, life is pretty much the same as always, just busier. It seems that all of my friends have decided that September is a good month for get togethers. The long weekend was spent prepping for the Betty Cup (costume buying, costume making, sewing, fixing, etc.), a fabulous dinner with A&J ( I don’t know what they do, but when they cook, I love eggplant and zucchini), the Betty Cup (D won again), the club house afterwards and then d&d on Sunday. Let’s just say I was exhausted by the time the weekend ended. I also hurt my back (not telling how) and so I missed work Tuesday. Thank goodness though since this week it was pick on me. On Thursday alone, I was yelled at 4 times and called a ‘fat, ugly pig’ followed by several swear words afterwards. I got off easy since supposedly she suggested that other co-workers go masturbate each other and tweak each other’s nipples. And this week was NOT the full moon.

This weekend was quieter, but not really. Friday I went out with J to a games night, then off to pick up A and dinner at Denny’s. Denny’s – one word to describe - unsatisfying. There was nothing healthy on the menu – I don’t even think there was anything on the appetizer list that wasn’t deep fried. Not a salad in site and not a payphone around. It was great company for the food, which was very thankful. Saturday, I bribed milady to come with me to Scrapfest (supposedly to be my ‘no’ woman – she didn’t do so good at slapping my hands though – heehee). That was fun and again, my willpower was tested. I actually spent just outside of my budget which I feel was really well done and I got some really nice stuff, so if I get off my procrastinating arse soon, some friends may get some really cool Christmas gifts. Heehee. Last night was slow, D and I watched the rest of Little Miss Sunshine (we were watching it in stints) which was good, and then Flushed Away (which rocked – totally hilarious). Today was also slow and I did some odds and ends shopping. I got some Christmas gifts (I know, I am sick) and some Halloween props, some medication for a certain sickie, and some filters for the furnace.

Yes, I actually turned on the furnace this weekend. And I wouldn’t have, except D is sick and whiny and I knew that if the house was cold, I wouldn’t hear the end of it. Even milady noticed my house was cold. I personally was enjoying it as last night (the first night with the furnace) I threw off all my covers at one point cause I was dying of heat. Again, I know, I am one sick puppy. Heehee.

Tonight I watched Marie Antoinette – it could have been a really good movie, except the music didn’t fit in at all and the ending was totally anti-climatic. It gets to a decent point of history and it just ends and the final shot is just so useless. They could have stopped with them in the carriage and it would have made much more sense as an ending. The acting was fine, but modern music doesn’t fit in a period piece, especially such horrible renditions of modern music.

All the library books have been returned and I am back to reading my very extensive collection of books needing to be read. I started with a pile that has been in a cupboard for at least 6 months. There were 5 books and I almost finished reading the third book thus far. There is one that I don’t think I will finish reading. I think I will put it in my pile of to be reads and maybe I will get back to it, but it is just not capturing my interest. I have tried reading it at least 4 times already and am only about 30 pages into the book. Oh well. Thankfully, I get a magazine that reviews books for me, so I find that I am collecting less books, though more are series. The bonus of my library run was that I found some really cool videos to work out too. I even managed to find them for a really good deal at HMV West Ed. I could either buy 4 for $29.95 or each one for $26.95. Guess what I paid? There is one more from the series that I would be interested in buying at a later date, but these 4 should do me.

And I have doing some odd jobs around the house. Things that have been left cause they weren’t important but bug me every so often. That has also been good. I love fixing things and decluttering stuff.

It has been rather weird lately for mood. I vary between anxious and boredom. I feel like I am searching for something, like I am on the cusp of something different and while that is exciting, I am also really afraid of what is coming. I want the change, but what if I can’t handle it? It doesn’t scare me that it may be hard going, but I guess it is what comes next. Will the next plateau satisfy me for while or will I need more? Am I on a quest to conquer or find myself? Is it just career or is it everything from the physical to spiritual? And all the music playing in the background while I write this is all thought provoking and depressing. Sheesh. No wonder I am getting all deep. Heehee.

So I am looking at an ad for Arm & Hammer’s new detergent and it says it is Biodegradable in 28 days. All I can think is how much damage it will do in those 28 days and where will it end up. 28 days is a long time and goodness knows, lots can happen in just 4 weeks. But that is my pessimistic optimism talking.

I really want to do something involving some girlfriends and a spa treatment. I would love to spend some time at a spa, relaxing, getting pampered and catching up with the girls. Unfortunately, most of my friends, like myself, are not exactly rolling in the dough so we can squander a pretty penny at a spa. It would be nice though. Sighhh.

Anyway, that’s all I have for tonight. I need some sleep. Everyone around me is sick and I would like to avoid catching it. Plus, who doesn’t love sleep.

To sleep perchance to dream.

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