Thursday, March 29, 2007

One windy day in spring...

Sometimes cable companies drive me bananas. My brother was so kind to sell me his PVR which I was very pleased about since it means that I can hopefully stop having VHS tapes hanging around the floor in piles waiting for me or D (more likely) to watch them. So cool – today I get the bill (really early too) and there is not only an ‘add digital feature fee’ but a ‘digital feature fee’. I mean seriously – talk about nickel and dime the clients. I have to pay 4 bucks because some guy had to write a note on my brother’s file saying he was giving me the PVR and another guy had to press a few buttons to activate the box at my house. I should send them a bill for the time it took me to find everything on the new remote (which is not user friendly) since they chose to change the layout. And I should charge them for the 10 minutes that I was on hold, waiting for someone to press activate the box. I mean – arghhhh! Anyway, regardless, it is nice to be able to watch a show and tape another show AT THE SAME TIME. Seriously, this is a first for me. Up until last night, I would have to watch or tape one show at a time. There was no overlapping. Whoohoo! I am enjoying it. A lot. For a TV addict like myself, I am thrilled with its features. Mind you, there goes the furniture fund, but still it is worth it.

Life is still as stressful as ever, but I have been taking the time at work to do some of the things that I needed to get done (been on the to-do list for awhile). We really are having trouble keeping up with the demand and the people I work with are dropping like flies. One should be back next week after being off 3 weeks with pneumonia. One is back in two weeks after an accident and taking quite awhile to recover (I think 5-6 weeks now). And one just went off for a week (but supposedly her doctor wants her off for 3 months). We still have one out since Oct due to an injury. Yowsers! I am trying to keep positive and take a few moments throughout the day to just…breathe. It seems to be helping. This week has been better as well since we have not put in nearly as much OT so I am actually getting home at a decent time and since only half of my shows are on, I am relaxing and doing stuff, rather than collapsing on the couch for the night. Of course, like tonight, I am procrastinating on dinner so I am eating late – which is really bad as that means I snack early to keep me from starving. Heehee oops!

We had YaYa on Sunday last week – one founding member was missing, but the rest of us had a good time catching up and eating goodies.

Taxes are done as well. Awesome! I actually get money back this year. I am still amazed by this. Cool!

The horde is kicking the town’s ass on Sunday, but we are doing our best to hold off the inevitable. To the DM’s dismay, he only managed to mortally wound one of our cannon fodder, red shirts, er, fellow fighters. We are meeting again this weekend to see if we can finish this fight. I think we are going to need to strategically retreat back behind the barrier. We are so impatient that we sort of ran out to meet some of the enemies instead of just staying behind the safe barrier like we had for the first half of the fight. Heehee.

Anyway, I should go switch laundry and then clean my office. My parents are stopping by on Saturday and will be using my office, so I should hide some of those more racy things. Heehee.

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Thursday, March 22, 2007

Heart

Just to get this out of the way first – Oh my goodness – Supernatural tonight was just…awesome! The ending was poignant, and heart breaking, and the thought of it still makes my heart twinge. I know several of my friends knock me for investing so much of myself into certain shows, but tonight was a reminder of why I do. I was right there with Sam and Dean at that moment and despite it being unsaid, you knew what Sam was asking Dean and you knew why Sam had to do what he did (so he knew what it would feel like for his brother). All that in just one friggin’ poignant moment with so few words, a perfect back song, and the haunting expressions. Who didn’t flinch when it was all interrupted by the loud noise? I was so sorry I hadn’t taped it because if I had, I would have rewound the tape to watch it again, just so I could feel with them just a little longer.

Okay, now that that is out. Let’s just inhale deeply, hold, and exhale, releasing all the stress and emotions. Now don’t you feel better? Heehee. Perhaps if I changed the music in the back into something a little less maudlin… Nah…

Here’s something I read recently that I thought was very thought-provoking:
How come pleasure never makes it on to a dutiful list of do’s…? Doesn’t joy also get soft and flabby if you neglect to exercise it?
So said Ellen Goodman. I think it is very true. Sometimes it just is hard to celebrate joy. You see it, and you know it would feel good, but it is just so much energy. Exactly how I feel about exercise some days! Heehee.

Latest on the work front – Supposedly one of our new full time staff is going to be bouncing from unused desk to unused desk when the part-time person returns. I understand that the part time person has seniority, but shouldn’t someone who works only 3 days a week have to move around more than the person who is full time? And what if no one is sick, ergo no empty desks? Where does this person sit then? Yeah, the joys of poor planning.

As well, on the work front, overtime has been greatly advanced lately as we are trying to prepare a lot of things so that life will be easier over the long run. Overtime will also be gaining this weekend possibly if I ever want to have the time (and no caustic complaints) to get the stock room set up now that renos are done.

The horde war is going okay. We are playing more often just to satisfy our need to complete this war. We are basically just jumping from place to place trying to assist where we can. One would think someone would have planned a little better; we did give them quite a bit of notice that that horde was coming. Sighhhh. Our new guy becomes more evil by the second and my character is feeling a little out of sorts with all this unorganized chaos. And I don’t think the other party members are all that pleased with my less than generous display of sharing. But come on – what good does it do the town if we die because someone gave up most of the healing potions? Really. Heehee.

We had the Hat over yesterday so he could get a head start on his idea for the next campaign. That leaves 3 others to organize for character building. It wouldn’t be so bad except that between the 7 of us, only one person has books. And I am a slow builder, as I prefer to develop out a whole background as I build my character. So far – we are a very eclectic mix of characters and the whole game could have a totally different slant on it. I think dungeon crawling is going to be a bit difficult, thus far.

Also last weekend was a great little get together with A&J and B&C. It was fun just sitting around and chatting and eating. I made my fabulous dip, except in respect to the holiday, I dyed the sour cream/cream cheese mix green and used green salsa (which was Totally Hot). It was good, but whew! I think I burn a lot of calories just trying not to cry at the heat occasionally. Worse is that I have lots of salsa left over and so I am trying to eat some of it just plain. I gave some to nDie and it was rather funny to see his face. Probably quite like mine today as I tried Grapeleaf rolls (rice, mint, parsley, salt and pepper rolled into grape leaves and baked in olive oil. I don’t know what exactly was not to my taste, but it was Very salty and Very disgusting to my palate. Ew! But I tried something new.

Anyway, this weekends looks like it could go two ways – very packed with OT, friends, family, gaming, etc. OR very relaxing with shopping, friends, gaming, etc. My parents and bro want to come over to do their taxes. I have a potential YaYa for this weekend and of course gaming. So we will just have to see how it goes. One more day of work and the weekend comes. I am very much looking forward to tomorrow evening. ;)

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Monday, March 12, 2007

Say it right, Caely

In the day
In the night
Say it all
Say it right
You either got it
Or you don't
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there's no time for joking
There's a hole in the plan


The battlefield is drawn. The horde is on the other side of the wall, things normally found in your nightmares. They have advanced and stopped. You know that tonight is the night. Your life could end in only a few short hours before dawn. The heroes have done what they could to alter the outcome. A month passes quickly when heroes travel across the land, trying to even the odds of the coming fight. Did they do enough? Did they do all they could do? Will you be there to find out in the end?

Oh you don't mean nothing at all to me
No you don't mean nothing at all to me
Do you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me


Morale is high and yet beneath it all is something only fear can name. You remember the feel of silken hair beneath your fingers. You remember the sigh on parted lips. You remember the sight of a soft smile, unshed tears, the dark knowledge in eyes before they closed in sweet surrender.

I can't say that I'm not lost and at fault
I can't say that I don't love the light and the dark
I can't say that I don't know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show
You tonite you tonite


The moon is large in the sky tonight and she sheds her light across the field. You know beside you are hundreds of people, ready to lay down their lives to fight for this town and what it represents. And yet, in your heart, you feel alone. Your fingers feel cold and you flex them over your weapons. You are anxious for the fighting to begin and yet, if you could move back time, you would do anything to prevent this moment from coming. What is done is done though and you cannot change what has happened. The battlefield has been drawn and the tension mounts as you await for the fight to begin. You inhale deeply and smell the fires of oiled torches. The wind changes and you know that the time has come.

From my hands I could give you
Something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?


The last two days and nights you spent building the morale of the troops and it has all come down to this moment. Fear clogs your throat and your breaths become shallow. You did all you could in the last month to stop this seige. They call you a hero and say all you did has helped. They asked for your opinion in how to finish this fight and all you could focus on was how many towns had been crossed off in red on their maps. So many lives lost already, so many more to come. You pray that you did enough, but you know now that it was pittance. After all, what are you, but a lone being on a journey. You are no hero, your fear has lead you before. If only they knew, then they would know why you shouldn’t be here. A laugh nearby startles you out of your ponderance. You glance back into the battlefield and remember to breathe deep. In and out, in and out. You focus on the memory of the last two nights. The feel of another’s skin against your own, the taste of their lips, the sight of lust and satisfaction in their eyes, the rememberance of being alive. You did all you could and you will do all you can. It is all anyone can demand. And if all happens as it should and good triumphs, then tomorrow, you can gather in the warmth of someone’s heat again and remember what it feels like to feel alive.

Note: lyrics from Nelly Furtado

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An introspective load of carp...

I have been having very weird dreams lately about my partner leaving me and/or cheating on me. According an online dream dictionary,
If you dream of cheating in any manner, either by you, or by your loved one, then this is a direct warning for you to be more circumspect about your actions to and with the opposite sex. To dream that your mate, spouse, or significant other is cheating on you indicates your fears of being abandoned. You may feel some lack of attention in the relationship. Alternatively, you may feel that you are not measuring up to the expectations of others.

Since my actions to and with the opposite sex as of late have been very limited, I cannot see this being a problem. And I don’t think I have been feeling a lack of attention from my partner recently, in fact I know we have been very open about our feelings and needs, okay, I have been open, but there has been actively listening and conversation from both sides. Heehee.

It could very well be that I am not feeling like I am measuring up to the expectations of others. Goodness knows, the stress in my life recently has been pretty high and I have been quite quiet about discussing it with others. Other than D and ndie, I haven’t really gone into deep detail about what is happening at work. Plus Spring is just around the corner, and I am antsy for stuff to do (I just don’t know what).

I know I have felt like my group of friends has narrowed, which is both bad and good. Bad because I feel like I have very few people I can call and invite over or just hang out with or chat with and I tend to feel like I am imposing on their lives if I call too often. Good because the friends I do have are awesome people that I have developed a deeper bond with.

This winter has been a different winter for me. Usually, I hole up for the winter, go to/host very few parties, maybe game every weekend of so, but otherwise, I am totally fine to be left alone. I have hobbies to keep me busy, books that I collected over the summer that I want to read, projects that are waiting for me to do. Then Spring comes and around March/April, I pop my head back into the world and start being sociable again. This winter, I have had a lot on my plate, both work-wise and social-wise. I have been quite busy, just trying to stay in touch with people and I haven’t really been reading as much as I normally would and I have already complained about my lack of hobbies, or even lack of interest in my usual hobbies. I know that these sound like signs of depression. But I don’t feel depressed. Part of me is very resentful because most of my coping mechanisms have been taken away from me and I haven’t found something to replace them with. I haven’t had caffeine in so long, and a big coke Slurpee was my favorite drink on a really stressful day. Food was a big coping mechanism of mine, whether it be comfort food or the ability to just curl up with a good book and a bag of chips and just relax. Of course, this is not healthy food, so nowadays, my head just nixes everything and I am left craving something, but there is nothing to satisfy.

I don’t know – maybe I am depressed and I just don’t know it. Is that possible? Goodness knows, y’all should be sick of my winding speeches about my life. Alright, enough ‘deep thoughts’ for today. I should go figure out what is wrong with my computer since my grammar check and spell check haven’t been working today (note: please forgive all spelling and grammar errors. Heehee).

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Thursday, March 08, 2007

Smack that!

I totally feel that statement as of late. Tensions are high at work with this added program and we are over worked, over tired, stressed and in need of some serious downtime. The likelihood of this happening – nil. Though rumor has it they will be looking at hiring a few people soon – Very Soon! That should help, providing we can find someplace for all these new people. I have an extra day off next week, so I am trying to decide what I really want to do. I need to do something that just gets me out of my norm. Something to shake things up – kick it like TaeBo.

I see the one, because she be that lady! Hey!
I feel you creeping, I can see it from my shadow
Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo
Maybe go to my place and just kick it like TaeBo
And possibly bend you over look back and watch me


Honestly, I love those lyrics. Gallardo to rhyme with TaeBo – that has got to be one of the most interesting combinations I have heard.

Home life is fine. D is stressed as well, so we are trying to balance the need to just sit and relax (me) with the need to hang with some of our friends (D). Friday night we rented movies, ordered in and just vegged. Saturday was some shopping and then we had some friends over for games. That was sooo much fun. And little Miss Mary was a hoot. She was having lots of fun exploring a house she has never been to before. Surprisingly, the house is okay in the childproofing. Mind you, having a nosy cat will help encourage that. Sunday was just a lazy day. I was actually really relaxed going to work. Of course, that changed 2 minutes upon arriving at work, but hey, it was a good weekend.

Smack that all on the floor
Smack that give me some more
Smack that 'till you get sore
Smack that oh-oooh!


The problem with being stressed at work is that any personality conflicts that already existed (and our office has a LOT) just tend to grate more and things get heated a lot faster than they normally would. People are always amazed at my self-control, but really alot of times, it is just my need to stay out of prison that motivates me not to react like I want. The one usual Beyotch has played her games so much lately, that yesterday I almost let loose with the self-control and tore her down. She goes on and on how she doesn’t want to do this or that because she is not the boss, all while encouraging me to do it and then suddenly, she just flips and it is all about her bossing everyone around and why aren’t we working and why are we talking, some of us should be talking to clients, you know?!? Yeah… bite me. Then we breathe deep, exhale loudly, roll our eyes and start singing stupid songs in our head...

Upfront style ready to attack now
Pull in the parking lot slow with the lac down
Convicts got the whole thing packed now
Step in the club now and wardrobe intact now!
I feel it down and cracked now (ooh)
I see it dull and backed now
I'm gonna call her, than I pull the mack down
Money no problem, pocket full of that now!


The search for a stress-relieving hobby is not going too well. Reading only works so long, dancing is fun (but I am concerned that the neighbors got a really good shadow show), I am too antsy for a puzzle and I’ve run out of ideas for other things. TV has been pretty sparse again (everything was a repeat today and yesterday only 2 out of 5 shows were new). I have organized a lot and I am catching up on my magazines. I revamped a lot of my filing, so that is all lookin’ good. I guess I could work on my scrapbooking some more – it just takes up soooo much room to do. I probably should organize that a little better, eh? Heehee.

Ooh...Looks like another club banger
They better hang on when they throw this thing on
Get a lil drink on
They gonna flip for this Akon shit
You can bank on it!
Pedicure, manicure kitty-cat claws
The way she climbs up and down them poles
Looking like one of them putty-cat dolls
Trying to hold my woodie back through my draws
Steps upstage didn't think I saw
Creeps up behind me, she's like "You're!"
I'm like ya I know lets cut to the chase
No time to waste back to my place
Plus from the club to the crib it's like a mile away
Or more like a palace, shall I say
Plus I got pal if your gal is game
In fact he is the one singing the song that's playing
"Akon!"


Did anyone see the Next Pussycat Dolls reality show? Oh my goodness – I really want to write them and tell them that they have lost me as a viewer. It looked like it could be a good mind-numbing garbage show to watch, but I draw the line at watching people puke. Seriously, if you want to do a shot from the back of the head of some girl leaning over the porcelain god, then fine, but to show the projectile hitting the water, then the next girl’s dinner going into the flowerbed, and the next and the next and the one in the van with the clean garbage bag (you couldn’t find a green garbage bag?!?) where we got to not only see her puke, but also carry the bag with its fairly substantial contents into the building. EWWWWWWWW! That is just worse than the lowest denominator. You couldn’t find anything else to show?!? Anyway, as much as some of the girls were very interesting, and who doesn’t want to learn the steps, I don’t think I will be watching that show again. I will just turn the tv off after Gilmore Girls and too bad for you.

I feel you creeping, I can see it from my shadow
Wanna jump up in my Lamborghini Gallardo
Maybe go to my place and just kick it like TaeBo
And possibly bend you over look back and watch me


Arghhh! My watch battery died Monday, so I had to buy a new battery for that and what do I notice today – the clock in the office is dying. It couldn’t have died on the weekend, so I could buy both batteries at once. Stupid thing. Of course, now I have to remember how to get to the batteries out– I know there is a trick… Hmmm…

Smack that all on the floor
Smack that give me some more
Smack that 'till you get sore
Smack that oh-oooh!


Anyway, nothing really new is happening so far. Hoping to do something this weekend with some friends and D&D is on Sunday. And I hope CRA fixes their website soon – I would really love to get my taxes in. See what I owe, if anything. I can keep my fingers crossed that it is nothing. Heehee.

A-ha - got the battery out. I think I just forced it last time too. Heehee. Now to buy a new one.

Anyway, I should get ready for bed – another exciting! Day of work tomorrow. Thank goodness it is Friday. Sighhhh! Hope you enjoyed the musical interlude of Akon today with his wonderfully lyrics that amazingly worked in a product placement of not only Lamborghini, but also TaeBo. Wonder what the kickbacks for that was? Heehee.

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THE Quiz... or so it says

The Everything Test

There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all.

Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test.We're turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we've got some innovative results too! Enjoy :-)

Personality
You are more logical than emotional, more concerned about self than concerned about others, more atheist than religious, more loner than dependent, more workaholic than lazy, more traditional than rebel, more engineering mind than artistic mind, more cynical than idealist, more leader than follower, and more introverted than extroverted.

As for specific personality traits, you are adventurious (100%), intellectual (80%), slutty (79%), romantic (71%).

Stereotypes
Prep92%
Old Geezer83%
Punk Rock80%
Life Experience
Sex50%
Substances0%
Travel6%

Politics
Your political views would best be described as Liberal, whom you agree with around 41% of the time.
Socioeconomic
Your attitude toward life best associates you with Middle Class. You make more than 0% of those who have taken this test, and 13% more than the U.S. average.

If your life was a movie, it would be rated R.
By the way, your hottness rank is 62%, hotter than 88% of other test takers.

TAKE THE TEST

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

Got nothing but time…

So no shows are on tonight. It is 8:30 and I am exhausted – why? Cause I have nothing to do. How sad am I? Listening to Adam Cohen, reading several blogs that I like to read and thinking of what to say on my own. I did have one moment where I clicked on one of my fave blogs and my head obviously was focused on an acquaintance’s blog above it, cause it took me a few paragraphs before it clicked that the blog was not the acquaintance’s blog, but someone else. Made a lot more sense once I figured that out, I tell ya. Sometimes, I wonder about my ability to concentrate. Oh yeah.

I thought work was hell last week, oh my goodness. As my mother always says, it could always be worse – and it has been. I am exhausted from work every night. Finding the energy to exercise has been a struggle, but I have managed to do 10,000 steps pretty much every night, though I estimated today since my pedometer died today. How irritating. I figure though with what I usually do by the time I get home from work, with 20 minutes on the treadmill, I should be good. (I know 20 minutes is not really long, but the Ultimate Coyote Ugly Search had ended and I had watched the last bit of last week’s Lost that was taped – nothing else to watch, therefore can’t do the treadmill.)

I have put in so much overtime at work, and it really feels like we are not getting ahead at all. So many people, so little time and the big bosses want us to serve people right to the bitter end of the day. Thankfully, I have taken over some mail duties, so about a half hour to an hour before close, I can stop seeing clients and do some other stuff. The other day, I showed my uvula to a co-worker near the end of the day and she agreed that it looked swollen; I was close to losing my voice that day. Unfortunately, I didn’t, which I guess is probably good since we, as usual, are short staffed.

Stress levels are high in the house though, with D transferred to a new store. Let’s not discuss the horrors there. D has been putting in Lots of overtime as well and I think this weekend needs to be a de-stressing weekend. I have had no ideas of how to do that yet, besides a possible poker night for D on Saturday. Have no idea if anyone would be interested with such short notice, but it is an idea. Other than that, I have only come up with lots of sex. And sleep.

Have you all heard about the Secret? It was on Oprah a couple of times and one of my co-workers has picked up the book. She is really enjoying it and I was totally right in my guess of what it was about - positive thoughts really do affect you. It is funny how much money these people are making on a premise that really is basic common sense. I guess if it works for you though, then spend the money and learn what you need to learn.

I need to learn a new hobby. Something cheap, fun and that satisfies me physically, spiritually, mentally and/or emotionally. I know, I am not asking much. I still think a harem would be a great hobby, but some friends have mentioned that a harem might make them uncomfortable coming over. Guess parading them around on leashes with slashed leather tops and bottoms might be a little extreme. Heehee.

Now that is funny - I just turned my calendar to March and it reads, “ Strive to be your finest self and not an imitation of anyone else.” Meanwhile, in the background, The Cure sings, “Why can’t I be you?”

You will be glad to know that in D&D, we have killed the lich, despite the ever-present argument of negotiating with evil versus killing evil. However, since I failed my fear check (in fact, I failed 4 fear checks in a row), I was not able to maintain my position of negotiating with the lich and thus after a extremely long fight, my party members were able to defeat the physical aspect of the lich, while I, safely outside of its lair, destroyed its soul. So while it may have appeared to the other party members that I did nothing but cower, in fact, I was very important in killing the lich. That is what he gets for not only scaring me twice in a row, but also for being exactly where I predicted. I am also not a fan of his ghostly lions. That’s strike seventy-two for evil and another point for the small band of heroes. However, on that note, I have NO idea what we need to do next, though the horde of evil is quickly descending on our town and our small, but humble tree house just outside of town.

Anyway, I think I am off to bed. Maybe I’ll take a bath before I go to bed – that can be de-stressing. Find a cheesy, quick romance book to read and have lots of bubbles. Hmmmm, that sounds really nice. Gotta go.

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