We should talk about what we can do for me.

First – shout out to all my friends who are still enjoying the Calgary Comic Expo. I wish we could have done more than a whirlwind visit yesterday, but alas, that was all that was to be

Second – I have been trying for a while to write an article about this interesting book a friend lent me – The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A Liszt. It really is a good book with lots of great ideas and an openness I really appreciated. Honestly, after all this time, I can no longer do this book justice in writing a good review. I have already absorbed the lessons that interested me and moved on (i.e. read several books since then). I want to quote a section of their book though because I like the way they handled this section and it gave me a good idea of what the rest of the book would be like.

In most of the world, “slut” is a highly offensive term, used to describe a woman whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate and shameful...

So we are proud to reclaim the word “slut” as a term of approval, even endearment. To us, a slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and please is good for you. A slut may choose to have sex with herself only, or with the Fifth Fleet. He may be heterosexual, homosexual or bisexual, a radical activist or a peaceful suburbanite.

As proud sluts, we believe that sex and sexual love are fundamental forces for good – activities with the potential to strengthen intimate bonds, enhance lives, create spiritual awareness, even change the world. And, furthermore, we believe that all consensual sexual choices have these potentials – that any sexual pathway, consciously chosen and mindfully followed, can be a positive, creative force in the lives of individuals and their communities.

A slut shares his sexuality the way a philanthropist shares her money – because they have a lot of it to share, because it makes them happy to share it, because sharing makes the world a better place. Sluts often find that the more sex and love they give away, the more they have – a loaves-and-fishes miracle in which greed and generosity go hand-in-hand to provide more for everybody. Imagine living in sexual abundance!

I highly recommend this book, but only if you are interested, open, and willing to accept that there are lifestyles different from your own that can work. It is a how-to, a guide, a dictionary, and a story all in one. I think the book reminds you that everyone is their own person with their own beliefs, needs, desires, and paths in this life. No one way is the right way and sometimes, what path one is currently on is not the path you will always be on. Truly, a very interesting book.

Third – Back to the Comic Expo. What a whirlwind that was – up at 5:45, out the door by 7, arrive at the expo at around 10, get through registration and into the doors by 10:40. I was quite impressed. Ran into some friends in the registration line, then some by the autographs, and then we were off. We spent a few hours going through the merchandise section. My only complaint is that the booth layout changed a bit part way through making it hard to figure out which way to do the rows. Plus being a bit time-aware, we weren’t able to do this section as slow as we would have liked. We hit our favorite spots as well as checked a few new ones. I appreciated being recognized from last year and got to catch up with our favorite artists. I have to give a shout out to Blind Ferret – love these guys – we got the latest book and a giant Richard Squishable. It was just too cute! And they were not lying when they said it would be perfect for napping on. I laid on it yesterday and it fits so perfectly against the head and shoulder. Also to DPI Studios – who have exquisite prints. I added 2 new ones to our collection – one antiqued like last year and the other has similar coloring to Victoria Frances work which I also adore. We bought a few new prints from Brain no Worky and a gorgeous bookmark from Helmutt. And then our favorite metal work artists – Paragon of Design. Oh my – I love their stuff. Last year we bought a pin and a necklace. This year, it was a ring, cufflinks, and a leather cuff. I love talking to Amy to hear where she got the inspiration and what she was thinking while making the items. And the gems this year – wow – it was hard walking away with just the cuff. There were some gorgeous new necklaces. D got a fantastic new watch from The Attic. And of course, I made it to see Jennie Breeden of The Devil’s Panties just in time to get the last full set of her books. Whew! Last year, she and I spent a ton of time talking and by the time I returned with cash, she had sold out. This year, I got the last set as well as some of her additional books. If you haven’t read The Devil’s Panties – I highly recommend it. Her porn books are funny and explicit and so relatable. Her cat book captures the essence of cats so well. And she is a wonderful artist – she is gregarious, warm, funny, and if she lived here, I would totally want to hang out with her.

There was a letdown and waste of an hour waiting for Nathan Fillion’s autograph, which I did not get. Sorry Nathan, but hindsight being 20/20, I would have totally spent more time at the Corral listening to some of the panels or talking with some new artists, but alas, it was not a total waste. D hopped over and quickly got Micha Collin’s autograph for me. Teehee. When they said they were done for the time but we could stay in line for the next signing at 5 (that was 2 hours away), I left so we could hurry over to see the Supernatural panel. Which actually was perfect because the last artist I was looking for was Kirby Krackle who we found as we raced across the building to the Corral. I almost didn’t stop, but said screw it and had a great chat with the band and got their signatures on the two albums I was missing. By the way, if you haven’t listened to them – totally recommend it – I love their song Booty does Math. They have 4 albums out now and a fifth coming in July. Last year they opened for James Marsters and this year for Weird Al. Wonderful group.

Then we hit the Supernatural panel which was needed to rest the feet from standing waiting in line for Nathan. The panel was hilarious! Mark Shepard, Micha Collins, and Mitch Pileggi are funny. Mark is so hilarious and I can’t wait to see a spinoff from Supernatural called “Oh Crowley.” The three of them together was fantastic and it was amazing to hear when they had worked with each other prior. We laughed so hard. It was a great ending because after that it was the trek back to the car to start the trip back home. So almost 13 hours after we left, we had visited Calgary, seen the Expo, and returned home. A whirlwind indeed, which resulted in sore feet, big smiles, and lots of fun loot.

There is so much more to talk about, but this whirlwind has more to do before gaming tonight, so adios!

I’m not saying you’re stupid; I’m just saying you’ve got bad luck when it comes to thinking.

You have no idea how many times I have started an entry and then abandoned it, how many times I wanted to lay it all out and then stopped, how many times I have cursed and cried and struggled and then decided I didn’t have the energy to deal with it all. So instead I have been filling my time with other stuff. Some of it has been utterly great – spending time with friends, getting to know some new people better as they become friends, appreciating what I have, and living. Some of it has been distraction techniques – apps, moving snow into the areas that get sunshine and away from the house, more apps, reading, and trying to catch up on shows. And some of it has been utter stress and chaos – travelling so much for work, trying to catch up on being away so much, unpacking and repacking, cleaning up dumping zones, trying to organize for renovations, and dealing with other events around me. This does not mean there hasn’t been time for thinking. Goodness no matter how busy I am there is always time to think. And if I don’t think during the day, then my dreams are very intense. And it is interesting sometimes what I think about. It is also sometimes sad and disappointing and frustrating and scream-inducing.


It’s been 5 months since the event and part of me is pissed off that I am not completely over this already. The effect of this one person’s selfish act is still evident in my life and they don’t deserve that. I don’t care if they were in my life for years, that one act has undone so much and they are not worthy. And the ripple effect certainly is not something they deserve, but it has happened. And so in the back of my mind, I dwell. I watch what I say around certain people because I don’t know if it will get out. I have lowered my trust of several people and I feel like I have to lie to others because I don’t want this bitterness that has been wrought and it’s not me. And yet, I can’t quite get rid of it. I want to rail against the injustice done, I want to spew the festering cuss words and I don’t want to have to not trust people whom I thought were friends. There has been no contact with this person since then and I have never shared my viewpoints, feelings, hurts. I honestly don’t know how I will react and there is a good chance that someday I will be in this person’s presence. For goodness sake, we were supposed friends for years for a reason – we shared interests and have similar circles of friends. But of course, I don’t know if these are similar circles of friends anymore. According to this one person, I can’t trust anyone.


So what to do? How do I move farther from this? How do I stop expending energy on someone who just isn’t worthy? How do I trust people again? Do I say to heck with that group of friends? Do I explain to some of these people why I can’t trust them? Do I become a bitch and just let it all spew out?


Okay – let’s do what I normally do for now and focus on the happier things in my life. My youngest niece turned one in February and goodness she is just the cutest thing. And it is amazing watching my brother turn into such an awesome father. And my parents are so enjoying being grandparents. And my oldest niece will be 11 this year and she is a fascinating young lady. She is at the age of dolls and so when she spent the afternoon with me, we went over to Toys R Us and shopped for Monster High Dolls and then came back to my house to watch a Monster High video while we played with the Monster High Dolls. And then we played Dance Central, one of my favorite new games. It was sad when she had to leave and there are days when I wish she lived closer.


And I have spent time with some wonderful people, talking, playing video games and board games, and going for dinners. Three out of the four work trips I have had this year so far have been spent with various groups from work. It has been great getting to know some of these people better, to reconnect with others, and meet new people. The first trip I was alone, but still managed to arrange a dinner with a colleague who I interact with primarily virtually. Afterwards, she gave me a tour of the city as I had been mostly limited to just a couple neighborhoods. It’s amazing how the after work events can make even the dullest of work days more enjoyable.


And of course, I have continued to do my yoga and get massages. I have joined a walking event that runs for a few weeks. Hopefully, this will encourage me to do some more walking. And who knows what I will do after that. Yoga ends at the end of this month, the walking event ends in June, and then it is holiday time and hopefully, renovations will be underway. It’s going to be a good year. Despite the mulling in my head and stuff, I am optimistic about things. And that’s what I need to keep focusing on.