Whew! I made it home alive!

I have survived the first snow weekend of Edmonton. Whew! There were some slippery moments, but I have not only survived the first weekend, but also the first day back to work after the snow – gotta love those alleyways – so slick and shiny.

It was a quiet weekend for me for the most part, which is good. The first snow sees me kick backing and just wanting to hibernate. This is not always good, since by Friday I was going stir crazy from being home so often – all alone. It is odd that someone, me, who like to be alone and generally can keep occupied, suddenly has developed a ennui of being alone, and not just the sighhhing ennui, but the nervous energy, can’t sit still, can’t find something to do, why do I have to be alone AGAIN ennui. Seriously, I was sooooo bored Friday night and I knew I still had to survive Saturday alone (but I could go shopping), but I just couldn’t commit to anything. Then Saturday came and I woke up to SNOW! There went all my plans for shopping – I refuse to drive on the first snowfall, cause people drive even more like idiots on the first snowfall. Luckily, milady took pity on me and talked with me for an hour and a half on the phone. (I don’t think she could smell my desperation for adult conversation.) My mother took up another 15 minutes and I spent a good hour working slowly on some Christmas gifts, getting high from the fumes, because while I read the instructions, I missed the all important “use in a well ventilated area and use a mask” warning. In fact, now that I think about it, I can smell the fumes again. Ech! And did you know the cloths with certain chemicals on them can just spontaneously combust? I probably knew this, but my brain was very shocked with the warning that the cloths needed to be either soaked in water or left flat to dry, in case they started to burn. Hello?!? Anyone seeing something wrong with using this process or is it just me?

Anyway, Saturday finally led to D coming home which led to a big discussion about going to the birthday/Halloween party for D and Q. I don’t know why butI just really didn’t want to go. Add snow to that equation and I was really reluctant to go. I eventually gave in, because things tend to go D’s way for events (even if D thinks differently) and I am glad that I did. I had a really good time and I got to catch up with some friends that I don’t see much as well as talk with some people that I know by sight only. I did the spider demon costume, cause it is easy. Although getting dressed for the party reminded me that I do not have a lot of costume clothes – I just have real clothes. So in that, I was a little disappointed. Though D was very happy to see me in some clothes that I hadn't worn in awhile and had really been overlooked. It was nice to see some of it fitting so nicely and rather sexily too. I made a promise to wear it around the house sometimes. Heehee.

Sunday morning I watched the clock change from 1:59 to 1:00 – very cool and then it was bedtime. During the day, I rearranged my closet and got to take out some clothes to be given away (they're too big!). Yeah! And I prepared for winter, so my sweaters are now near the top of my stand and t-shirts are at the bottom. Then a quiet night in with some boring periods as D has some new video games and was adamant to play them. Sighhhh! Once the gifts are done (need to do one more ‘well ventilated area’ needed process and then they are done), I can start something else, cause the gifts are taking up most of the dining room table.

Anyway, tonight is another night alone – Sighhhh - with only 1 show on at 7 – Heroes!!! – then nothing to do again. My office is even clean – I mean it – the office is clean – that shows I am really bored. And sick of the computer. I know – can’t you believe it? I am tired to blog surfing and playing MSN. Yesterday, I wasted time by making folders within my ‘favorites’ blog folder to organize them. My filing pile is tiny. Even my ‘to be read’ papers pile is getting small. Sighhhh! Anyway, I should go make some supper and then prepare for my show. Heehee. I can’t wait to see what happens in Heroes – I am SOOOO impressed with this show.

Ooh, and wish me luck, I am going to try to make stew on Wednesday - in my crockpot. I should try to find a recipe... hmmm, okay, find recipe first, then make supper. Heehee.

Don’t make me open a can of pout…

No one has written about the party – it’s like the blog world is in stasis…just waiting for… something… OR… everyone thought it sucked and they don’t want to be the first to say so. (I can almost hear the sighs of relief as that line is written.) Except I am not going to be the first to say it sucked, cause I thought it ROCKED! Though the numbers were on the smaller side, and several people who said they would come didn’t, for me, it was the perfect size and had the perfect people in it. There were lots of laughs, lots of teasing and affection, and lots of food (of course!!!)

I finally got the chance to meet S who milady is good ‘friends’ with. He seems really nice and didn’t seem freaked out by our group. He hugged me at the end of the party – which for me is just odd. I tend to be a touchy person, but not usually until I get to know someone, but since meeting kintair, it seems like I have huggable written on me. It’s good, just takes some getting used to. Heehee.

A brought her very creative self to the party with a costume that involved - what else – pooh! With corn and peanuts (made by herself that afternoon). I still say she is getting more ‘cheek’ since the wedding too, I am sure of it.

There were lots of good costumes. D and I are supposed to now figure out who gets the Best Costume award- very hard to figure out. Lots of thought and creativity went into the costumes. Poor N spent several hours trying to draw a dragon on his face – alas it was not to be. L had to wear socks so all 4 feet matched. V had to hop up and down stairs. And P not only came up with a cool idea, but also took that extra step to dye his hair and get contacts. I still say it looked good even if not everyone noticed.

I liked my eye on the back of my head – that has been my idea since the concept of this theme. I had wanted to obtain blinking eyes – you know the ones in dolls where you lay them down and they ‘go to sleep.’ Unfortunately none of the craft stores here (ie Michael’s) carry them, they only carry googly eyes (dorky) and after looking at the cheaper dolls at Value Village, I had an attack of conscience about ripping apart a doll that was once loved by some child. I found though these really cool tattoos and the picture looks awesome of it! It was even green like my own eyes are predominately.

Supposedly A asked milady where this monkey man that she was dating was – as S was standing right there, dressed in a part monkey costume. Sorry milady, had to tell that one. It is just so funny. Heehee.

And I got the greatest compliment - we were doing one of those question games (truth or dare kinda things) and the question was “which of your platonic friends do you think would be good in bed?” A said S (duh! She’s hawt!) and I were her picks. Isn’t that just the nicest thing to hear? Thanks A!

Sunday the new gaming group got to see the advantages of playing right after the party as we had a ton of food left (I always said you should never leave my party hungry). We played a little late, but what an interesting game.

Monday, D returned to work and I proceeded to clean up the place, getting a lot of stuff done that I wanted to do during the holidays, but never gets done cause D is a procrastinator. (That’s my excuse and I am stickin’ to it.) Then today was the first day back to work – I am officially promoted. My boss is still adamant that it is none of anyone’s business what my paycheck is – ie – it’s none of their business that I got promoted. He thinks this will help stifle the problems we have been having with people not being supportive. Guess what – nope. One of my coworkers said to my face – how can they think to put you equal to us when you don’t know anything about “X”? Except what I don’t know is not the program, but rather some of the extra features, which I have never had to use. Excuse me if I need to be trained. The official training has not been developed yet and since what my coworkers currently do is not something we will be doing in the near future, what is the point of teaching me it.

Enough about work – when D left this evening with R, they let in a HUGE fly who proceeded to fly rather noisily around the house and then into my office where it flung itself repeatedly against the ceiling light, then flew across the room again and back at the light. ARGHHHH! How annoying! I have not heard it though in a couple of hours, so either it has found someplace else to noisily buzz around or the cat had a snack. Could be either situation…

Grape mentos – how interesting. Can’t decide if I like them or not. Might help if I stop accidentally biting the inside of my cheek.

Gummy eyeballs are REALLY good. Ask A, she enjoyed them too. I think they were even better than the foot or nose.

Oprah was interesting today – it was about people who have had gastric surgery (when they make your stomach really small using the small intestine) and how 30% of them end up addicted to something else, usually alcohol. So basically they replace their addiction for food with an addiction for alcohol, sex or stuff. I guess when I think about losing the weight I want to lose, I do worry that something will happen. Part of me openly admits that I don’t drink or do drugs because I do tend to go excessive. (If I could have a harem, excessive sex would be fine for me… Heehee.) But seriously, I really want to lose slowly and steadily. I want lifestyle changes that allow me to find new hobbies and replace habits with other things. My doctor is not really looking at that though, she just wants me to lose the weight cause she is positive that will bring my blood pressure down. I think that if I don’t do the lifestyle changes and the new habits, I will be worse off cause I will not have coping mechanisms in effect and my blood pressure will go through the roof from stress. It’s funny that I am not one of those who can replace food with excessive exercise. Guess all that horrible memories of gym still haunt me. Heehee.

Anyway, enough self analysis. I suppose I should start getting ready for bed and then work tomorrow. It can only get better right? (nsert big fake smile here)

Like I need your approval

If you genuinely worship me, like you should, heehee, then just ignore this post. I will now reveal a side of you that some may not know about – my geeky side.

I play D&D, the ultimate game of geekiness. And in our games, we generally lean towards a more adult theme. Most of my characters have been rather free with their sexual preferences and promiscuity, often using their womanly attributes to the advantage of the group. How do you secure a room for the ladies on a ship? Why you go early down to the docks, seduce the first mate and then blackmail him into giving up his room. Want to get out of town in a hurry and the gatemen are reluctant to let you through, keep the men busy on the side of the gatehouse while the rest of the party leaves. Stuck in an inn for what seems like an eternity, find a lover and have some fun – that also led to falling in love but…(what can I say, we were there a REALLY long time and the lover was a really nice guy – needless to say when we escaped back to our own time and land, I did have to leave him behind – it was very heartbreaking and I don’t think my character ever really got over it.)

Anyway, recently we started a new game with some new people. I mentioned before that we had some people leave the game, and I had needed a break and so when we started to plan for a new game to start, some of the people were unavailable and we had some new people we wanted to try gaming with. So new character in a new game with new players – the potential for good or bad could go either way. We started with just 4 of us and it went really well. We came up with something that ended up very cohesive and we were learning each other’s moves and strategies. Then 2 more joined (they had been otherwise engaged (heehee)) and now the group is still going well, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy everyone playing, but we have taken a slight step back as we learn how we all fit with the new people (just like if a character dies and a new one is brought in). So it has been interesting and trying. BUT…the great part is that we have continued the trend of adult themes.

To make things more interesting, recently while at a gaming store, I found the perfect addition to our game – the Book of Erotic fantasy. In it, it has the perfect new skills, professions, feats, etc. It is a book that addresses “the issues of sex, love, seduction, marriage and pregnancy” in the d20 world. You should see some of the attributes you must have to take a prestige class.

Example: Disciple of Aaluran requires you to have Alignment – NG, CG, N, CN; Skills – Diplomacy 5 ranks, Perform (sexual techniques) 5 ranks; Feats – Seductive; Special – The character must willingly give sexual favors to at least a dozen people, without expecting anything in return or taking advantage of them in any way.

See what I mean – wow – I can’t wait to take perform (sexual techniques) and the feat Seductive. Not that I need it, but hey, it can’t hurt, right? Heehee. And the book is FULL of pictures of mostly naked people and sexual acts. Very cool. Oh and they specifically avoid discussing anything that is not done by willing participants; like chaotic evil alignment was missing a story write-up because the authors don’t condone that behavior in the game at all. Of course this is both good and bad – good because they don’t want to encourage something that is offensive to a majority of people, but bad because you are limited by not knowing what exactly is the difference. Hey, us innocent people need to know these things – okay, maybe not innocent, but rather - dang curious.

Anyway, so I can’t wait to introduce this to the game next time. Should be a hoot. Heehee.

I sincerely want you to genuinely worship me

What a weekend. I really feel like NOTHING got done. Lots of pushing things around and pretending to do things, but nothing really concrete. This week is going to be SOOOOO busy trying to get everything ready for the party. I tried working on the sign tonight, but the paint didn’t work, so now I have to figure something else out. I really don’t want to color it all in with a black marker, but I have a feeling that will be exactly what we will have to do. I should have worked on the treat bags, but I want one more thing to add to it.

The interesting thing I learned is that our furnace room has a lock on the door. Never noticed that before, or at least not recently. I went to turn off the water and low and behold, it was locked. Thank goodness it did not snow this weekend, so we can get a locksmith in and get the door unlocked so the water outside can be shut off before it really starts to freeze. Sighhhh.

I had a great lunch with S. It is just so wonderful to talk with her. We never run out of things to talk about and we have no problems discussing world issues or just what is going on with ourselves. We can discuss our feeling about work and how hard the house is to keep clean. And we both take forever to order cause we are usually talking too much to remember to look at the menu. And we actually for the first time were conscious enough to remember the time and when she needed to be elsewhere. That was shocking, but also because we both knew it was really important for her to be there at that time.

A&J came over last night and we had a great time catching up with them. It is funny though, we often invite people over to play games and then what happens is we sit around and chat and forget to play the games. D has people over tonight to play poker. I decided to opt out (my goody-two-shoes side prefers that I not gamble – heehee) so I have been trying to paint the sign (see above for story of disaster) and then work on my blog.

In case you haven’t noticed, I bought a new Happy Bunny calendar, so I am using the quotes as my headers again. Heehee. I am even wearing my Happy Bunny socks tonight. The match so well with my black sweater and black pants, them being baby blue with big bunny faces on them. Course the socks say “I just realized that I don’t care” which so goes with my feeling today of wearing them, I don’t care if they don’t match, they are what I wanted to wear.

C came in to talk tonight and I keep forgetting just how much STUFF is in my office to look at. I think it took her a good 15 minutes to see just about everything. I never really notice how much there is, but if you move something, that I will notice and it drives me nuts. Well, that and the fact that you can then see the dust on the shelf. If nothing moves, it all looks clean. Heehee.

I found a new chip today. They are called Hardbite and they are “100% Natural Artisan Chips” with “Himalayan Crystallized Salt – Salt for Life.” I tried the Jalapeno ones cause I love that flavor and WOW – they are soooo good. I shared with C and even she thought they were good. Just a little kick, but so… neat tasting – I don’t know if it is the Himalayan Crystallized Salt or just the spices they used, but I must say I was very happy to pick those up.

Oh – just a minutes- well, just two minutes and 47 seconds– Close Your Eyes is playing right now – the Buffy/Angel love theme – oh, I love this song, I can picture the whole scene and when she has to… just a moment – talk amongst yourselves (sniff, sniff)

Okay, it has moved on now. Such a poignant piece of music. Anyway, what was I talking about? Ahhh yes, food – one of the passions of my world. I have to make butterscotch squares this week again. And maybe some more banana bread. I bought two flavors of the chips – I also got Yogurt and Wild Onions which I am hoping is good. Oh wait, I just turned the bag over – get a load of their description -

Wrap your teeth around the original Hardbite Chips. Rugged dippin’ chips. Not some flimsy imitation. The perfect chips to satisfy all your physical and emotional cravings.
Our chips are made with unfettered free range potatoes, sliced, spiced and kettle cooked for that incredible big bite taste.
…Disclaimer: Mass consumption of this product may cause some individuals to have too much fun.

Oh My Goodness – that is soooooo hilarious. Seriously, that is what it says. I love these chips for their descriptor alone, but they also taste really good. Love it. The fact that they are Canadian is just a given with that descriptor. Heehee.

Anyway, it is getting late, so I think I shall go clean up a little and get ready for bed. Lots to do tomorrow to start prepping. Goodness, I hope it stops raining soon. There is sooo much to do outside and none can be done until the rain stops. Sighhhh.

I have a dream. And in it, something eats you.

What a great event for the end of our first week of holidays. Some jerk who should be wearing glasses, but wasn’t, decided to stop his car exactly in the same place that D’s was. Ain’t that nice? We were both on the way to the dealership to get our oil changes and 19 point inspection. Needless to say, I got there first and chatted with one of the people there that I have known since I was... yay high. I was just starting to wonder when D came in looking furious. Of course, I had the cell phone because somehow I am usually the last one to show up (cause I drive Real careful). But I wasn’t the one who needed it today. D is okay, so no one worry. And the car is pretty decent, but the bumper cannot take another hit.

Just for your knowledge, if the accident causes more than $1000 worth of damage, then you are supposed to call the cops from the scene of the accident. For your knowledge as well, a bumper on a basic car is about $1200. So after our oil changes, D went to the nearest police station and I made my way home with a brief detour to Liquidation World where I picked up some Christmas gifts (I went to look for a duvet cover cause I don’t want to spend $100 on one… no such luck).

And insurance companies are so much fun. The jerk’s insurance (thank goodness he had insurance) calls here at 3:57 asking for D and when I say not available, but I can track D if I need to, she replies that if I can get D to call back by 4:00, then she can deal with things, otherwise she can’t deal with anything until Monday. Thank the goodness, one – the car is not in bad shape and two – even if it was, there are two cars in the household and three – we are on holidays and going to work is not a necessity right now. What a total cow. If she hadn’t spent 3 minutes on the phone trying to give me the longest claim number in history, maybe D could have called her back by 4.

Anyway, other than that, things were going fairly well. I surprisingly have been finding lots of gifts for Christmas (though not really anything for family, just friends for the most part) and of course, I have found alot that I want for my b-day. Work has begun on the Halloween decorating. Though with the supposed coming snow, the plan to aerate the lawn seems to be a thought of the past. Sighhh.

All the women tear their blouses off, and the men they dance with… It's closing time, closing time...sorry, Leonard Cohen’s playing the background. Heehee.

I am having lunch with S tomorrow. Yeah! I so happy. No clue where we are going for lunch- being me, I like my options open until the last possible minute, in case I have a craving. You never know when you might plan for steak and suddenly have a craving for Chinese food or Mexican food. I am a craver. All the healthy books tell you to drink a glass of water and wait 20 minutes and the craving will go away. Mine don’t. If I crave something and don’t satisfy it, I will crave it for days. For weeks. My mind will reproduce the sensation and I just build up this WANT at the thought of it.

Def Leppard was singing on Ellen today. As they were singing, Pour some Sugar on Me, I realized that sometimes, classics should not be re-sung, not even by the original people, cause once the voice changes as it does with age – those songs of the past just lose something.

I also realized today that I have been wearing a pedometer for over a year now and last night, it broke (cause everything was breaking yesterday for me). So today I have been without a pedometer and I realize how much I do that takes into consideration the pedometer. Get up out of the car and I automatically make sure the pedometer is there. Changing from outside clothes to inside wear, I automatically take into consideration where the pedometer is. So today has been very eye opening. I don’t know if I like that I am tied to this thing, but it is nice at the end of the day to see how many steps you have done. I have gotten very good at estimating my steps and being pretty close.

Anyway, I could really use a nap. So I think I will go do that for the little time I have until my show starts.

Sorry for being absent…

I have been really sick. The first time I have had a head cold in a while actually. Now I remember why I hate being sick. Having high blood pressure (the benefits of being a type A personality and having LOTS of self-control), I am unable to take most cold medication, which means… I get to suffer. However, it wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been. Thank goodness for sick days too, cause Thursday I went home early – still did too much, but went to bed early – and Friday, I stayed home and from Thursday to Friday, I got 14 hours of sleep. Wow! Friday night was another 12 hours of sleep and then the cold started moving down… sighhh – this is the part I hate. I hate the cold being in my chest. Cause there is nothing I can do to make it better. I medicate heavily at night – Tylenol, vitamin C and Echinacea, then sleep for about 9 hours and then though I am still exhausted, I cannot sleep due to coughing. So instead of waking everyone up, I get up and putter all the while hating the fact that as soon as I sit up I am fine, try to lie down and cough, cough, cough. Sighhh.

So today we are just coughing and sniffling a little, which is nice. I am hoping that it doesn’t get too bad and that my holidays, which officially started on Saturday, go well. So much to do, so little energy right now, so I just putter and hope I feel well enough to do all that we- errrr- I have planned.

Our Halloween party seems to be going well. Over 50% of people replied which is awesome and the majority that replied are coming. Yeah! And yesterday was our last gaming night til after the party, so I can start the decorating and food planning and costuming and such. So much to do still…and my bro says he will take me to Costco so I can pick up a few last minute treat bag items and menu things. I think it is an awesome theme this year, though everyone is a little stumped on the broadness of the theme… the bonus too is that we will have established this company so in the future we can always use them again. Yeah! Cause I did a lot of work for setting up the company and all of its ins and outs and I like them. We can do soooo much with it if we want. Obviously not next year, cause next year’s theme is all picked out AND sad that I may be, I already have costume ideas in mind. Heehee.

D has holidays as well, though several hours of time are devoted to D working at our fave Halloween store – gratuitous promotion here – CUSTOM COSTUMES – the most fabulous store in Edmonton (though most (er- all) of D's earning go right back into buying merchandise from the store). I know several may say that Shirley Potter’s is good and yes, they have some items that are nice, and no I have not been to the new location, but my previous experience with them left me feeling unsatisfied and the owners of Custom Costumes have always been soooo nice and open. The merchandise is always fresh and goodness knows if we could, we would spend a lot of money there decorating the house. Heehee.

Ooh, shows are on shortly – must go – my ‘winter activities’ call for my attention…

I saw a truck with silver balls yesterday...

D feels that I am stifling my personality, that between my feelings on my weight and what has happened in my past that I no longer allow myself to just be me. I guess I am still struggling with that. Goodness knows, I want to be me, I want to let me be free. I found this quote yesterday and I think it is very true…

Do what you want to do, say what you want to say, because those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind.

It’s funny because growing up my mother was a big advocate of being who you are and not what others expect of you. She encouraged us to pretend to be different things to try them out and see what we like. She was a strong believer in learning and books and play. I still have the record Free to Be, you and me. I remember the film as well. I wonder sometimes why I feel this need to hide myself behind other traits, emphasize some and play down others. I strongly dislike following societal mores and I have my own moral compass. There are rules that I follow that aren’t the same as society’s and I have a fairly broad definition of right and wrong. So why do I hide these? Why do I dabble in things that I would love to try full out and then turn around and stop? Why do I deny myself some things that I know I would really like and that may even allow me to be a little less anal-retentive? Willpower and self control are wonderful things to have. Why do I find myself testing those boundaries of exactly how in control I can be?

Anyway, I was just having a rather self-reflective moment and thought I would share. Aren’t y’all glad you visited today? Heehee.

One last thought – I have so many questions. Do you think we ever get an answer to the majority of them?