Thursday, May 10, 2007

Too tired to think...

Tonight I was supposed to go out and spend some time with L, do a girl night kind of thing. As is life, things happened and the choice arose whether we should go anyway (dragging a kid along) or just postpone. I got the impression that postponing would be a better choice and I was in the depressive mood to just say whatever and so we cancelled. Big mistake. I got home around 6 to find out that D (who was working late) would also be going out with friends afterwards and so I was alone. I tried calling milady, but no such luck. So I sit home alone, kind of depressed. It is nothing specific, it has just be a hard week (I am training all alone this week) and I guess I was really looking forward to going out and chillin’.

It is probably good I stayed home - D’s father is coming over tomorrow and on Sat both parentals are coming by, so I did do the dishes, tidy things up and just generally made the house a little more parental-friendly. Can’t change the pics – well, I could, but screw that. Ndie loved the new pics and the more I look at them, the more they impress me. They fit the house and me so well. Heehee.

Training is going…okay. I finally caught up today. I am working with people who have not used the program at all. They have absolutely no background and I have 4 days to not only teach them the program but how to navigate the corresponding system. Tomorrow is the assessment and I think I may be able to get half to pass. How totally sucky. And two of them are such downers. One is definitely worse and was definitely responsible for my depressive mood this morning. I am generally a happy person, but I am also an empath so I tend to absorb people’s moods around me. I have worked really hard in resisting, but sometimes, they just overpower and I went from feeling okay, to hopeless, because all I heard for the first hour and a half was “I can’t, I’m not able, I should have called in sick, I should leave” and so on. I really wanted to just scream - try it first before you give up. Argh! After the first break where I sat down with a supervisor to just vent, I returned feeling a bit better and the ‘can’t’ person had changed her tune a bit. I get that it is hard, especially for people who are counting down to retirement, but try, figure it out, listen to me. Argh! Anyway, letting that go.

I am exhausted too which doesn’t help. I have been up an hour earlier that normal every day, we are still recovering from the minor flood of Sunday evening and I have no days off in which I am alone. No days to do what I want, when I want, how I want. No days to relax or be busy depending on my mood. No days to sleep in without anyone to interrupt me with snoring. I am feeling sorry for myself. Heehee. I know soon I will be lonely because for a little while, I will have no one to interrupt my sleep with snoring, but I value my days alone, even if they are filled to the brim with chores or visiting or whatever. I just need those mornings. I soooo need those mornings. Sighhh. Oh well, I will just have to suck it up and deal.

Jericho – is anyone watching? Wow – what an ending. I am so upset with who died, but the season ending was like – huh – no- what happens – ack!

I am going to go to bed though. I am exhausted and am falling asleep in my computer chair. Whew! Keep your thought positive for me tomorrow. I would really like all of my participants to pass assessment. I know they can do it, I just need to convince them that they can.

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Friday, May 04, 2007

You can help anyone turn a grown upside down!

Just pull off their head and flip it over.

What a week! Monday was a culmination of physical ailments that told me to get my arse to bed and not get out for a very long time. And Tuesday, I did just that. I called in sick and went back to bed. I had gotten for the first time in several weeks 7 full hours of sleep, but from that point on I dozed until I finally was driven out of my bed. Don’t know what it is but whenever I am really stressed, I have very explosive sex dreams! I mean WOW! But I felt 100x better even if the headache hadn’t gone away (I really did have a migraine, I didn’t just fake it.) To top it off, I had to go grocery shopping (15% off Tuesday) and that really didn’t help the headache – for once, I understood the benefit of Safeway’s new barely lit atmosphere. Then back to work on Wednesday. And I shouldn’t have gone this week, but there was so much to do. I did some training on Thursday out of town and then had to prepare for this week’s training. I think I am about ready. The only thing to drive me bananas is that D’s parents are in town for the next two weeks and will want to come by and I really think the house is not quite parental proof. I can’t wait to see the expressions with the new pics on the living room wall. Heehee.

Oooh – look what Laurell had up on her website The Harlequin I so can’t wait for the next book. And the preview chapters just stirred my interests even more. I think there is only 31 days til the book is out! Yes!

This rain is bringing people’s moods down and all it does is make me want to clean. And all I keep thinking of is all the projects I want to do and how I need money and time and a bit of skill to do it all. So much to do and I think getting the windows done will just lead to me wanting to do so much more. Ack!

I have been purging lately – thank you, I too am proud of myself. Every little bit counts, so even if it is only a couple of things, I am happy. Mind you milady and S! were over on Monday night and S! seemed very shocked at what is all in my office. D swears it really shows how eclectic I am. S! didn’t seem to know where to look. It was a little comical.

Speaking of Monday, if you don’t watch Heroes, you are SOOOOOO missing out. That show completely rocks! I am lovin’ it so much more every time I see it. I can’t wait til it comes out on DVD, cause I need to buy it and watch it all over again.

Did you hear Gilmore Girls is coming to an end? Not surprising as it has been on for 7 years. I mean, really, that is a surprise for wb – er… cw.

Ooh – and did you hear about Paris Hilton? She’s going to jail. Whoohoo!

Anyway, things are looking better, and not just because of Paris’ jail term. Even though it is raining, I know that in 5 weeks, things will settle down a bit and be alright. There is an end to this tunnel. Now if only I could get a full night’s sleep… That would be really nice. Haven’t slept soundly (except for those 7 sweet hours Monday night), since the weekend of A&J’s move. I know I was up late most of the weekend and up early, but since then, sleep has not been good. Very odd. Sleep – just the word sounds wistful to me. Sighhh.

Anyway, I am off to bed. I am exhausted (see above paragraph) and I have a lot of cleaning to do tomorrow in case the parentals want to see D tomorrow. Gotta go.

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