What is it like when all the weight of the world is gone?
Sorry it has been a while since I last wrote. I had so many plans to be more consistent. Often, I had these excellent ideas of what to write. It just never happened. You know the old saying “If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all,” well it has been some dark and not nice times lately. So instead of getting on here and ranting about this or that constantly, I have been delving into more minding numbing stuff. And by that, I mean endless games of spider solitaire. ;) And that is when I have actually been on the net. Lately, I have averaged twice a week, if I am lucky. Part of the problem is the location of my computer; after work, it is just so cold down here, I find my desire to be down here tends to drop. And when I am on, I tend to go to my fave site and then get off. I actually came close to being late on bills because of a dislike of the location of my computer. We are so far behind on the renos right now. We were doing so well, then we had the cold snap and all of the energy went to endless shoveling. Then I hurt my archilles tendon and was taking it easy for a few weeks (had an anti-inflammatory gel I had to put on my ankle/foot three times a day). Then it was a matter of getting back into the mood of renos. It is so sad/annoying because once we finish these couple of tasks, the rest will just fly by and then I will have my office back and be more consistent on the computer.
Today, I was off from work – took a day since my company doesn’t have a holiday between New Year’s and Easter. So after shoveling, I actually climbed back on the ladder and got back to scraping the ceiling. Since I am sure part of my foot troubles was over 3 hours on the ladder last time, I only did an hour today. So I got a third of what is left done. Another couple of times and I will have finished the scraping and then we can get moving on taping and mudding. My hands are killing me though. I have blisters and scrapes and general redness. Ow! Add to that the sore shoulder from endless shoveling and I feel like I am falling apart. I should be sewing, but I think I will wait for another day to do that. If I actually get this entry posted, I will feel very productive today. Heehee.
So what else is going on? Well, the boss finally retired and unfortunately, little boss has taken over. And this regime sucks the big one. It’s like you can’t have a happy medium. The last boss was very meticulous about money; this one doesn’t seem to care about balancing the books at the end of the day. “As long as we are close…” – what the?!?! We had a big falling out over the running of the retirement party for big boss. When it comes to other people’s money, I tend to even more anal retentive. It is not my money and at the end of the day, I should be able to account for every penny. So when I am trying to find out what has been spent and what is expected, I don’t want to be ignored or have to listen to all of these new plans. We had a committee, the committee made plans, and then we tried to implement the plans. New people kept getting involved and having grander ideas. Personally, I think the bulk of the money donated should be spent on a present, not decorations. But whatever, it came together, the big boss loved the party and the gifts and all worked out. But the Friday before had me leaving work 2 hours late and I stood waiting for the bus screaming in my head from all the stress. The following week was full of meetings and trying to get everything done, which meant late nights, little sleep, and little de-stressing. Part of me almost cheered when the big boss left because I would be able to get my evenings back.
But even before then it has been tough. Information has been hard to obtain. Communication has been non-existent at work. The team had to corner the big boss to find out little boss was taking over. We are not stupid, so don’t play games. Plus my job is, as usual, up in the air. As it always goes, quality assurance is the first thing to get rid of when looking to streamline things. Goodness forbid, our books balanced and there were no errors. We wouldn’t want that. And my values and ethics have been constantly tested lately. There is this one interview question that comes up – what would you do if the actions taken go against your values and ethics? Well, I know what I do now – I stand up, state my feelings, and then hide my frustration when I am told it doesn’t matter what I think, this is what we are doing. And don’t bring up the words fraud and illegal to the bosses – they don’t want to hear it even if it might be true. Between those situations, certain colleagues who do the barest of minimums and turn their backs on anything that even remotely smells fishy because that would require effort, and a new regime that is unorganized, unqualified, and unwanted, I have been very tempted to walk away from it all. All these things I see and yet, I am supposed to just accept that quality assurance is not required.
Everyone wants out, but we just can’t seem to get out. I have a chance to take a step away, but I don’t know if I can ignore everything I know. Perhaps I should just request to be completely removed from this department and maybe then, I can let go and relax. I get too involved and I want things to go right. It doesn’t need to be perfect, but it should be right, ethical, and the best each person can do. I hate minimal effort people.
Anyway, all of this has just led to a very stressed out me, who is trying really hard, but sometimes, I just need to lay my head on someone’s shoulder and be held.
Aside from this, what other interesting things have been going on:
1. To the white minivan who decided Friday morning was a good time to share your road rage – F*** you! Firstly, you don’t decide whether I feel the conditions are good enough to squeeze past other drivers and turn. You can’t see what I can, so honk your horn at your own peril. Secondly, if you are going to drive illegally – because that’s what a ‘newfie’ corner is - expect the better driver to respond to your stupidity with a nice gesture. Thirdly, don’t drive alongside the car you don’t like and gesture for them to pull over – do I look stupid? And when I pulled the phone out, it was to call the cops on you. Since you often drive the same route as we do every morning, I will get your license and then – I am reporting you.
2. To the person who showed up at my door on Saturday morning at 11 am driving a white minivan, I don’t know anyone except an arse who drives a white minivan (see above note) and so I was not opening my door in case it was the arse. If you are my friend, you would have called first and you would have known I don’t accept callers (phone or in person) before noon on my days off unless we made plans. If I do know you, accept my apology for not answering the door. Just some advice – if you are going to call on someone before noon without pre-arranged plans, ringing the doorbell once usually is enough to get someone’s attention (i.e. wake them up), but not necessarily alert them to what the noise is. You should follow this up with a second doorbell ring. Knocking softly on the door is not going to get my attention. Of course, I was up at 11; I just didn’t recognize the vehicle or the person I could see in the passenger seat and after the Friday incident, I wasn’t feeling the love towards anyone with a white minivan.
3. When one is depressed and having a bad day, one should not watch ‘The Body’ episode of Buffy. This should not be followed by talking about being in the room when someone dies. While I appreciate the need to discuss this situation at times, I don’t think I could have felt more depressed at that moment.
4. One should also not watch PS I Love You over the next couple of days. I love that movie, but watching only parts of it is really depressing and sad and tear-causing.
5. Wanted: open-minded male(s) to assist with household chores and renovations in exchange for sexual pleasures. Must be willing to do windows, toilets, painting, landscaping, etc. Previous experience in construction a bonus, but eagerness is just as important. Interviews will cover a wide variety of topics and skills, so please be prepared to share and demonstrate all details. Sexual preference can be accommodated as this ad is for two different households.
6. My PVR expander is already at 11% and I can’t keep up. One would think this would mean I would get rid of some shows, but I cannot. I need to watch my shows, but I can’t seem to find the energy or time to do so. I don’t know what I am doing with my time, but I just can’t keep up!
7. I like Rihanna’s new song. I know “sticks and stone may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me’ is an old saying. But the old saying wasn’t set to an awesome dance beat and sung by a hot girl. So phlghhhht!
8. One bad week after another leads to me eating 3 donuts, an order of onion rings, a third of a box of wedgies, and a third of a pizza all in one evening. Eating all of that leads to me not feeling very good physically, but I refused to completely be depressed by my utter giving in to emotional eating. I acknowledged what I was doing while I was doing it and I only gained 1 pound from the week before by doing that. So while I don’t anticipate doing that again anytime soon, I am happy it didn’t completely derail me.
9. Why is it that when I am thirsty, I prefer to reach for food? And when it doesn’t satisfy my needs, I reach for different food. Why can’t I acknowledge I am thirsty and then drink something?
10. Why can’t the local food movement deliver to my area of town? Why does it do all around me, including the suburbs around the city, but not my area? Maybe I would order more locally grown food if it was delivered to my door.
11. Costco has an Unwine, which is utterly delish! I need to buy more! It is nice to use my wine glasses for something resembling wine, rather than pop. It was even nicer to have a bottle of ‘wine’ at the dinner table.
Alright, the grocery shopping list won’t finish itself, so I should go do that as well as make dinner, prep stuff for returning to work, and watch some shows! I make no promises on when I will return, but know, in my head, I write many entries for all of my friends.
Today, I was off from work – took a day since my company doesn’t have a holiday between New Year’s and Easter. So after shoveling, I actually climbed back on the ladder and got back to scraping the ceiling. Since I am sure part of my foot troubles was over 3 hours on the ladder last time, I only did an hour today. So I got a third of what is left done. Another couple of times and I will have finished the scraping and then we can get moving on taping and mudding. My hands are killing me though. I have blisters and scrapes and general redness. Ow! Add to that the sore shoulder from endless shoveling and I feel like I am falling apart. I should be sewing, but I think I will wait for another day to do that. If I actually get this entry posted, I will feel very productive today. Heehee.
So what else is going on? Well, the boss finally retired and unfortunately, little boss has taken over. And this regime sucks the big one. It’s like you can’t have a happy medium. The last boss was very meticulous about money; this one doesn’t seem to care about balancing the books at the end of the day. “As long as we are close…” – what the?!?! We had a big falling out over the running of the retirement party for big boss. When it comes to other people’s money, I tend to even more anal retentive. It is not my money and at the end of the day, I should be able to account for every penny. So when I am trying to find out what has been spent and what is expected, I don’t want to be ignored or have to listen to all of these new plans. We had a committee, the committee made plans, and then we tried to implement the plans. New people kept getting involved and having grander ideas. Personally, I think the bulk of the money donated should be spent on a present, not decorations. But whatever, it came together, the big boss loved the party and the gifts and all worked out. But the Friday before had me leaving work 2 hours late and I stood waiting for the bus screaming in my head from all the stress. The following week was full of meetings and trying to get everything done, which meant late nights, little sleep, and little de-stressing. Part of me almost cheered when the big boss left because I would be able to get my evenings back.
But even before then it has been tough. Information has been hard to obtain. Communication has been non-existent at work. The team had to corner the big boss to find out little boss was taking over. We are not stupid, so don’t play games. Plus my job is, as usual, up in the air. As it always goes, quality assurance is the first thing to get rid of when looking to streamline things. Goodness forbid, our books balanced and there were no errors. We wouldn’t want that. And my values and ethics have been constantly tested lately. There is this one interview question that comes up – what would you do if the actions taken go against your values and ethics? Well, I know what I do now – I stand up, state my feelings, and then hide my frustration when I am told it doesn’t matter what I think, this is what we are doing. And don’t bring up the words fraud and illegal to the bosses – they don’t want to hear it even if it might be true. Between those situations, certain colleagues who do the barest of minimums and turn their backs on anything that even remotely smells fishy because that would require effort, and a new regime that is unorganized, unqualified, and unwanted, I have been very tempted to walk away from it all. All these things I see and yet, I am supposed to just accept that quality assurance is not required.
Everyone wants out, but we just can’t seem to get out. I have a chance to take a step away, but I don’t know if I can ignore everything I know. Perhaps I should just request to be completely removed from this department and maybe then, I can let go and relax. I get too involved and I want things to go right. It doesn’t need to be perfect, but it should be right, ethical, and the best each person can do. I hate minimal effort people.
Anyway, all of this has just led to a very stressed out me, who is trying really hard, but sometimes, I just need to lay my head on someone’s shoulder and be held.
Aside from this, what other interesting things have been going on:
1. To the white minivan who decided Friday morning was a good time to share your road rage – F*** you! Firstly, you don’t decide whether I feel the conditions are good enough to squeeze past other drivers and turn. You can’t see what I can, so honk your horn at your own peril. Secondly, if you are going to drive illegally – because that’s what a ‘newfie’ corner is - expect the better driver to respond to your stupidity with a nice gesture. Thirdly, don’t drive alongside the car you don’t like and gesture for them to pull over – do I look stupid? And when I pulled the phone out, it was to call the cops on you. Since you often drive the same route as we do every morning, I will get your license and then – I am reporting you.
2. To the person who showed up at my door on Saturday morning at 11 am driving a white minivan, I don’t know anyone except an arse who drives a white minivan (see above note) and so I was not opening my door in case it was the arse. If you are my friend, you would have called first and you would have known I don’t accept callers (phone or in person) before noon on my days off unless we made plans. If I do know you, accept my apology for not answering the door. Just some advice – if you are going to call on someone before noon without pre-arranged plans, ringing the doorbell once usually is enough to get someone’s attention (i.e. wake them up), but not necessarily alert them to what the noise is. You should follow this up with a second doorbell ring. Knocking softly on the door is not going to get my attention. Of course, I was up at 11; I just didn’t recognize the vehicle or the person I could see in the passenger seat and after the Friday incident, I wasn’t feeling the love towards anyone with a white minivan.
3. When one is depressed and having a bad day, one should not watch ‘The Body’ episode of Buffy. This should not be followed by talking about being in the room when someone dies. While I appreciate the need to discuss this situation at times, I don’t think I could have felt more depressed at that moment.
4. One should also not watch PS I Love You over the next couple of days. I love that movie, but watching only parts of it is really depressing and sad and tear-causing.
5. Wanted: open-minded male(s) to assist with household chores and renovations in exchange for sexual pleasures. Must be willing to do windows, toilets, painting, landscaping, etc. Previous experience in construction a bonus, but eagerness is just as important. Interviews will cover a wide variety of topics and skills, so please be prepared to share and demonstrate all details. Sexual preference can be accommodated as this ad is for two different households.
6. My PVR expander is already at 11% and I can’t keep up. One would think this would mean I would get rid of some shows, but I cannot. I need to watch my shows, but I can’t seem to find the energy or time to do so. I don’t know what I am doing with my time, but I just can’t keep up!
7. I like Rihanna’s new song. I know “sticks and stone may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me’ is an old saying. But the old saying wasn’t set to an awesome dance beat and sung by a hot girl. So phlghhhht!
8. One bad week after another leads to me eating 3 donuts, an order of onion rings, a third of a box of wedgies, and a third of a pizza all in one evening. Eating all of that leads to me not feeling very good physically, but I refused to completely be depressed by my utter giving in to emotional eating. I acknowledged what I was doing while I was doing it and I only gained 1 pound from the week before by doing that. So while I don’t anticipate doing that again anytime soon, I am happy it didn’t completely derail me.
9. Why is it that when I am thirsty, I prefer to reach for food? And when it doesn’t satisfy my needs, I reach for different food. Why can’t I acknowledge I am thirsty and then drink something?
10. Why can’t the local food movement deliver to my area of town? Why does it do all around me, including the suburbs around the city, but not my area? Maybe I would order more locally grown food if it was delivered to my door.
11. Costco has an Unwine, which is utterly delish! I need to buy more! It is nice to use my wine glasses for something resembling wine, rather than pop. It was even nicer to have a bottle of ‘wine’ at the dinner table.
Alright, the grocery shopping list won’t finish itself, so I should go do that as well as make dinner, prep stuff for returning to work, and watch some shows! I make no promises on when I will return, but know, in my head, I write many entries for all of my friends.
posted by Taryn at 6:03 pm
1 comments
