Sunday, November 14, 2010

Never allow someone to be your priority when you are merely their option.

As you know, I really fell in love with Adam Lambert with his song – Whataya want from me. Pink wrote this song and she has released a version of the song and while it is a good song, I still think Adam did it better. Now there is a mash up of the two versions and… wow! It is great. You have Pink’s raspiness and Adam’s poignancy. I like…



And yes, I am totally addicted to mashups as of late. I totally blame Weird Al and his polkas. There are some really interesting mash ups out there to enjoy (and some totally terrible ones). I am especially fond of DJ Earworm, from which I now have several songs downloaded. DJ Earworm and Glee were the main leads for this year’s Halloween soundtrack.

Speaking of Glee, did anyone see this last week’s episode? O-M-G! Fas-cin-ating. Still hard to believe the actor who plays Finn is 28! Makes for interesting dilemmas – such as how raunchy can photo ops be – yes, he is an adult, but he plays a teenager on TV. Do we honour the actor’s age or the character’s age?

Another TV related question – so a show I was watching has been cancelled. Due to my schedule, I have not caught up on the show (yes, I pvr’d it, which probably contributed to it being cancelled), so do I watch the last few shows knowing nothing will be resolved or do I just delete these episodes and forget all about it? Hmmmm…

So the health problems of D’s mom continue. Treatments will commence within the next couple of weeks. D is stressed. Sis is stressed. D’s dad is stressed. Two barely talk about their feelings, but instead act out. The other (sis) needs to talk about it with everyone. Poor niece is sensing the tension, but doesn’t really know the whole why and so she is having some ‘technical difficulties’ and not feeling well. Sighhhh. And me? I am just tired. I know this is not a quick fix situation. I know it is not something I can sweep under the rug and forget about. But I just don’t want to dwell on the ‘worse case scenarios’ and what ifs. How about we just live in the moment?

And to continue with the self-reflection – cause I do so love doing so - I feel stuck. I feel unsettled and unmotivated and just not me. I feel like I don’t do all that much. I am not doing anything really creative. I am not really watching a lot of TV (I know – the horrors – and hence the need for a PVR expander) or getting out of the house. I was out of the house for a short time everyday this weekend, but I don’t feel like I got anything productive done. If I was more relaxed, then I could be satisfied with the weekend, but as it stands, it feels like another weekend has rushed by and I have little to show. I did get together with milady for a few hours on Thursday, not nearly enough to catch up. I talked with J (of A&J) and good conversations. I spent some time with N&M and had fun, good conversation, and excellent food. I have done some Christmas shopping. I have done some chores around the house - so why am I at home now and feeling blech? Why am I letting my insecurities riddle me? Milady invited D and I out to visit with some friends of theirs. Why did I let D decide we weren’t going? I need to meet more people. I want to explore some new relationships and do something different. For goodness sake, the other night I wanted to go out and all I could think to do involved either food or the bookstore. Really? My life has come to this? N&M invited me out to a woman’s night thing they go to and I am torn between wanting to try something new and my shyness saying it is not something I should do. Poor N has known me for a number of years and I feel like I have retreated so much in personality. Like I am hiding who I am. So why am I doing this? What is the point? The reason? The purpose?

Anyway, saw some of N&M’s art today. It is all very interesting work, but for some reason there is one of N’s that just called out to me. There was something about the picture that I just can’t shake. My eyes leapt to it when I saw it and kept going back to it. I don’t know why. Honestly, I just can’t figure out why it is what my eye was drawn to? The colors were simple – blue and black on silver. The lines were simple. There is just something about it. I just really like the picture. They are selling the stuff next weekend at a craft show. It was interesting watching them talk about their art. How their eyes light up about certain topics. You can see their passion. They even collaborate on some of the art. I listening/watching people talk about something they are passionate about. It is so exhilarating and serene all at the same time.

I suppose I should go do some of those pesky chores I need to do as well as prep for tomorrow’s return to work after a lovely long weekend. I really need to take more days off. The sleep alone is worth the days off. Teehee.

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Saturday, November 06, 2010

If no one has called you a bitch lately, keep speaking your mind – it’ll happen.

So tonight I should be at the Diwali party A&J are throwing, but I decided to stay home. The main theme was a poker game and we all know my thoughts on Texas Hold’Em. If it ain’t 5 card stud strip poker, what really is the point? Teehee.

But – I did celebrate Diwali yesterday with Tikka Marsala – yes, perhaps this is not supposed to be the full title of the dish, but it’s what I call it. It is sooooo good. The spice is just right and served with Jasmine rice – yummy! D just loves the chickpeas in it, which is seems so odd. But I appreciate that he enjoys it.

I also made a peanut toffee pie – which surprisingly was pretty good. Ndie enjoyed it with the chocolate fudge ice cream and I enjoyed it with lots of dream whip. I am testing it at the d&d game tomorrow, so we’ll see if everyone else likes it.

Speaking of friends, I love this quote from my Getting in touch with your inner bitch daily calendar:
If we didn’t love our friends, we wouldn’t tell them the truth. We’d just let one another lurch from one delusion to the next, gathering up enough heartache to make blues singers of us all.

Isn’t it the truth? Though we often don’t do it enough. I was talking with the SIL today and it was hard to tell her the truth in a way that wasn’t super harsh. We were discussing her dating skills and taste in men. She is a very pretty person and she demands a pretty man. Honestly, her whole thought is if she doesn’t find him physically attractive, then forget it. So she is friends with all of these guys who have crushes on her, but they are not pretty enough for her, so she would never date them. I tried explaining to her that there are other attractive things than looks (everyone knows these can fade and you need something else to keep you attracted), but I don’t think she honestly believe this. She kept saying I have to kiss him. Well, honey, you can close your eyes. To me, she sounds like a twenty-year-old dating – it’s all about looks and who cares about the personality, as long as he is cute and hopefully pays. But she is not twenty. She has been out of the dating pool, by choice, for a number of years. Perhaps since the last several didn’t work out, maybe one should try something new – like, I don’t know, finding a man who has a personality, who cares about you, who treats you right. Someone you can be friends with and work your way into a relationship. I suggested chat rooms and going out for walks by herself. A single mom tends to be more approachable when she doesn’t have her child in tow. She doesn’t have the funds to do e-harmony or those kind of things (and goodness are they expensive), so there are lots of other things to try. I thought it was funny she was asking me though – here I am complaining I am having difficulties finding new friends and she wants me to provide advice on finding her a man. Oy!

Found this comic on another blog I read:



This proves my theory that we all need some friends with benefits(aka my harem). More sex that way. Teehee.

Fave co-worker introduces me to sea salt caramels. Oh My Goodness!!!! These are beyond delicious. I am resisting from eating one right now because I had some of my peanut toffee pie. But I salivating just thinking of it. Teehee.

Anyway, I should get to bed. I am tired. Tonight we get an extra hour of sleep – that rocks!!!!! Whoot!

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