An Optimist is the human personification of spring. – Susan J Bissonette

And so spring comes… and things will get better. And I will rediscover my abilities, which have seemed to have gone into hiding. There was a time when I was organized, my house was clean, and my life balanced. It just seems like I can’t remember how to return to that. My office is a mess. My house is a mess. My ambition is gone. Procrastination is now my best friend and despite my wonderful ideas and plans, nothing seems to happen.

I just spent the last week working on costumes for D and ndie. Okay, wait – that’s not quite true. My plan was to spend the last week working on them. I spent Monday night and Tuesday night and then Wednesday I just crashed. Thursday I did a little bit of work and Friday was maybe an hour. So needless to say, I spent from approximately 1 to 6 working just trying to get them to a wearable condition. Am I completely satisfied – goodness no! But they are wearable. It didn’t help it took a while for ndie to get me his ideas and then I pretty much made the costume from scratch – right down to the patterns. Newspaper is a wonderful thing. D’s costume had a pattern. I just wanted to made ndie feel better (his mom is in the hospital, but now doing better) and his required so much more mental work.

Needless to say, 6 pm came today – ndie and D left for their game and I went back upstairs to clean the sewing room. Then made nachos for supper and watched a movie, before moving over to the computer for more mind numbness. I have eaten like crap this week. Because of all the sewing, I only got my full steps Thursday and Friday. Today is pretty much a write off. And still do I get up and turn on my work out video? Nope. Do I clean my office? Nope. I put dishes away while my nachos were cooking. So I guess that is something.

No matter how hard I try
You keep pushing me aside
And I can't break through
There's no talking to you

It has just been that kinda of life right now.

Work has been busy – excessively so. Again. This doing more with the same level of staff, same level of skill, is just pathetic. Do we have to burn out for the higher ups to get it? I am just so tired of it all. I got my promotion – of sorts. It is only temporary though. That was not what I was promised. What a surprise… not.

And I know I am hermitting. I just can’t seem to stop. I just want to curl up and do nothing all the time. Not that I do that – and perhaps that is the problem. I just don’t think I am getting the relaxation, the down time, the recovery time that I need. And I just don’t how to give myself what I need because all I see is the stuff needing to be done. I so need my harem. Many hands will make short work of the chores and then we can all relax in a big cuddle pile. ;)

The other big thing going on is D’s finger. The tendon was ‘broken’ while catching a ball during a basketball game. All information was pointing to surgery, but after spending most of Wednesday at the hospital, D has a new splint and a prognosis of 6 to 8 weeks of recovery, followed by physio. Thank goodness. It was getting a bit stressful, since we couldn’t get a hold of the specialist to even get it looked at.

So yeah – all the usual stress of work, followed by D’s finger, ndie’s mom, and just not feeling like I am getting anything done. That has all contributed to me just feeling blech. And in that my usual spring need to change – things, myself, actions, etc.

Tomorrow - I will do something. It's another night alone for me, so perhaps I can get something done. Some bit of cleaning that will kick start something... let' hope.