I’ve seen you naked and I’ll probably see you naked again.

Happy 1 year Anniversary to me! One year ago, I wrote my first post. In honor of that day, I bring you an introspective entry.

It is interesting to read back on that post- so many high expectations. Though the dip is still a very popular recipe. And I think I have maintained the aspect of sharing my embarrassing tales. Still really don’t understand the whole time for boiling corn.

Has this blog become what I thought it would in the 66 posts thus far? I don’t think so. I think the blog has evolved, like myself, changing into what I needed it to be at the time. I imagine that I thought I would have a more domestic blog, sharing recipes all the time and tips. I have done some of that, but not nearly as I imagined. But then I am rebelling against this self-imposed domesticity. Do I really want my life to be about domestic issues? Maybe if my domestic issues were something big and dramatic and not about what to cook for dinner – which I must admit is once again extremely trying and tiring.

I am antsy again. You probably noticed that from my posts. I need a change to happen in something. My job is changing – I got a sort of promotion – a little more money and a lot more duties and I will have to travel. I am not looking forward to that. I hate traveling alone. In a car, driving for 2-4 hours, all alone, no one to talk to, no way to sleep, nothing to do except think.

I think too much. I really just want a night where I can go and not think, just do and then enjoy the consequences. I know I said I would try that at the last party. I guess I have limits as to who I will allow myself to let go in front of.

Anyway, back to 1 year of blogging – am I still trying to become a Domestic Goddess in a Fast Food world? I suppose so. Part of me really does want to develop my domestic self, to be competent again at home. Part of me just wants to do it in a ‘Desperate Housewives’ sort of manner. Heehee. It has been an interesting year. And if I have been vague or not as open, well…I could apologize, except it wouldn’t be sincere. Sometimes, I just need to get the feeling out without the details.

I thank all of you who have been along for the ride. I hope the blog evolves as I do and I hope it brings you a few laughs and maybe some insight to the wonderful world that is me.

But was I naughty…?

The weekend was very packed and very tiring in mostly that good “I’ve done a lot, seen a lot, and had a good time” kind of state of being. Friday was DG’s housewarming party. Had a wonderful time. The condo is awesome, open concept and bigger than my house. The colors chosen were fantastic and the layout is good. The heat was a bit much, but thankfully, lots of fans were going. Got to meet some new people and catch up with some acquaintances. We mostly talked, watched Lion in Winter (I watched the first half – but wasn’t in the mood for the sloooooow pace, though some lines were quite comical), played Hoopla and just hung out. Was I naughty? Well… I wouldn’t say I was as naughty as I have been, but neither would I say I was the pure persona I tend to portray. I had some fun. That is all I will say. Heehee.

Saturday was very interesting. I got home from Friday’s party at about 3 am. Slept in (naturally) and at 3 pm, just as I was about to do some chores, there was a knock on the door and Epcor telling us that they were turning the water off in 5 minutes and it would not be back on until Sunday noon. ACK! There went all my plans as I rushed around filling sinks, buckets and bathtubs. Thankfully, we had been invited out for dinner at I&V. The dinner was delish, the conversation stimulating and just a good time had by all. I&V are such wonderful people and though we don’t see them all that much, because they are VERY busy people, it is so nice when we can just catch up.

Sunday the water finally came back on at 3 pm. D and I went out in the afternoon…to the mall. Silly us. I bought a few more books. Goodness – if you only knew how big the pile of books I have to read is. Sighhhh. Then gaming that night which was fun. And back to work on Monday.

So the weekend was totally full, of both events and people, but fun overall. This weekend is a lot slower for me at least. D has a bunch of stuff to be involved in. I will entertain myself. Heehee.

Oh, and the book – since that was my last post. I finished it that night (in 6 hours), which while may be amazing to some, is not so amazing to others. What a great book. Wow! I SOOOOOOO want my own Nathaniel. Sighhhhhh! Oh and a Micah cause really the two of them go together. Sighhhh. I love where Laurell is taking the series. I get so involved with the characters and I love reading her blog and seeing that she is totally involved with the characters as well. I won’t say anymore, so as not to ruin it for the few who haven’t read the book yet. If you have never read the series, I honestly recommend it. Even if you aren’t into the paranormal or the sex, the creation of the characters is just so well detailed. You learn so much about them and if you love to read a series because of great characters, you will find this series very satisfying.

Anyway, nothing much else is going on. The heat is killing me. I am so glad that it rained and we are slowly cooling off. But the combo of humidity and heat is disgusting. (And people wonder why I don’t want to go to the tropics.) I feel so wasted at the end of each day and I don’t sleep well. I don’t think I am bitchier than normal, but I know my fuse is shorter. Things annoy me faster.

I suppose I should decide on what to make dinner. Can’t think of what I want to eat though. Hmmm. And I should spend a little bit of time, cleaning up. The office table is getting a little messy again. You should be proud though, since it has been quite a while since it has gotten that bad. Even the filing pile is small, thought the to be shredded bin is getting pretty full. All right, other things must be done.

Oh yeah, like I'm surprised...

You scored as XIII: Death. Death is probably the most well known Tarot card - and also the most misunderstood. Most Tarot novices would consider Death to be a bad card, especially given its connection with the number thirteen. In fact this card rarely indicates literal death.Without "death" there can be no change, only eventual stagnation. The "death" of the child allows for the "birth" of the adult. This change is not always easy. The appearance of Death in a Tarot reading can indicate pain and short term loss, however it also represents hope for a new future. XIII: Death 88% I - Magician 81% II - The High Priestess 81% III - The Empress 75% IV - The Emperor 75% XI: Justice 63% XVI: The Tower 63% VIII - Strength 56% XIX: The Sun 56% X - Wheel of Fortune 56% VI: The Lovers 44% XV: The Devil 44% 0 - The Fool 38% Which Major Arcana Tarot Card Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

OMG!!

Forgive me if I am awol for the next few hours, possibly days. The book has finally come in. I have resisted for 30 minutes thus far, but alas, I must read it now. So, please forgive my absence as I devour the latest Laurell K Hamilton. I know most of my friends will understand. ... Okay, gotta go

Hmmm...

Well, here I was going to come online and post something humorous, but after reading that one of my favorite bloggers is thinking of no longer posting, I am kind of sad. I totally understand why he is choosing not to, but the thought of no longer logging on to his site and reading what is new and what’s the latest thing he or his dog has done, it is just almost heart-breaking. It makes you wonder though, doesn’t it – why do we blog? Obviously we know deep in our hearts that whatever we put out there is for everyone to see. Do we realize though that what we say can actually affect other people?

I commented for the first time on his blog today. Because I wanted him to know that he has had an effect on me. He has introduced me to thoughts, ideas, bands, and videos (David Hasselholf) that I hadn’t really bothered with. I wanted him to know that despite the fact that I was just a statistic on his page, that his words were not wasted. I appreciated his honesty.

One sometimes has to ask what do you want the world to see. I know I have different faces and there are people who believe that I am a pretty decent person and there are people who think I am the devil incarnate. Neither is far off. I have secrets I keep, sides I don’t want certain people to know about, and thoughts that no one should be privy to. I am neither as innocent as I appear nor as experienced. It is well established that my horns hold up my halo. And I don’t think that there are tons of people out there reading my blog or that I have a great effect on them. But maybe just one day, someone out there is reading my blog and relating. Maybe something I say makes them laugh or tugs their heart for just a brief moment. Maybe that is all I really want to accomplish with this blog. (well, besides, keeping some of my friends up-to-date on my life.) I don’t get a lot of comments, but then I don’t expect them anyway. I just hope there are people out there who are reading my blog and just enjoying it. And maybe, as I commit more and more to this genre of writing, maybe you’ll learn something about me that you never would have guessed, maybe I might just open up and let you peek into my deep, dark soul and instead of running away screaming, just maybe you’ll relate and you’ll empathize with me.

Yeah. So I hope it’s not goodbye, my secret blogger. But if it is, you will be missed, but your effect on my life will continue. Thank you.

What a week!

This week was a reminder of why you will probably NEVER find me in the tropics. Our office this week was at its highest 28C and at its lowest, 25C. I was in hell. We had the fans going, but nothing was working. According to the maintenance people, the air conditioner had frozen solid and the coil broke and the fluid in it drained out. So they had to unfreeze it with a hairdryer, weld the coil on and fill it with liquid. This was done yesterday and was supposed to be done by the time we left for the day. We had started complaining Monday. Joy! I hope it is fixed. This morning, it seemed better but due to a feeling of extreme malaise, I went home shortly after arriving, so I have no idea if it lasted.

I think I just overdid it. In the heat, I was still running around, doing stock and cleaning out the LAN room. Since I am sort of between positions right now, I am just trying to get things done in case I get the assignment I applied for and have to leave quickly. On that note, the interview went well this week, I think. However, the big boss has come down with an offer to increase my position and its duties, thereby providing me with not only a raise, but also some different duties. So now I am torn – what do I want to do? Well, I have been torn for a while, and have been considering what would I choose if everything I applied for came to fruition at the same time. How much of my decision do I want to base on money and how much on duties? I need to make an time to talk with a colleague who is doing a job that I think I would find very interesting, so I can find out what I need to work on, what skills I need and all that. That may help.

Life wise, I have been mostly organizing and cleaning the house. I should move outdoors, but every time I think about washing the car, it rains. So I am trying not to think about it and maybe I’ll just ‘spontaneously’ run outside and do it. Heehee.

Today, I am taking it easy because of how I feel. Though so far, I have rotated the bed, washed the bedding, emptied the dishwasher, rearranged the library, did dishes, put away clothes that were washed and dried last night, went shopping, febreezed the house and am just now enjoying a spot of time on the computer. D told me to take it easy today. I said I would. D laughed when I said that. Hmmm. Heehee. I don’t have much more to do… inside. Just decide what I want for dinner and make it. Oh, and tape 40 year old Virgin tonight. It’s premiering on the movie channel. Whoohoo. Hopefully, it is good.

Anyway, I should decide on something for supper. And I wanted something that makes leftover – I am sick of lasagna leftovers for lunch, and I am making lasagna on Sunday again. Sighhhhh.

The Wedding of the Year

This weekend has been a whirlwind of activity getting reading for A&J’s wedding. Friday was the pre-wedding party where there was much gilabi, conversation and good times. I love that J’s Mom, the nationally famous Betty of the Betty Cup, is cool enough that we did not have to watch ourselves too much in front of her. (Though I did see her shake her head at us a few times.) I got Mehndi done on the backs of my hands (in honor of the contemporary Hindu wedding). V did it free hand and despite her lamentations that she wasn’t any good anymore, I love the work she did on each of my hands. Both hands are different and they very much represent different sides of me, so thanks V. Didn’t know you knew me so well. Heehee. The only down side was J had a horrible reaction to the mehndi which forced her not to be able to finish her hands in the traditional way.

Saturday day was spent with milady shopping for those last minute gifts for A&J. There were some people who were upset because while everyone gave money, D and I also included real tangible gifts. Now those that know me know 2 things: 1) It is against my upbringing to feel comfortable giving just a gift certificate or money. I must include something else to go with it. Or preferably, I want to get an awesome gift and forget about the certificates/money. 2) It is also in my upbringing that wedding gifts must also include something…’naughty’ in them. My mother started this when I was growing up with including unlabeled gifts that had something very sexual (often mom made lingerie resembling animals) for the intended couple. Ask L&M who got the g-string for him that was a horse’s head and when you pressed it, it actually neighed.

So needless to say milady and I visited a couple sex shops to find just what I wanted to buy. And really, both brides should be happy that I stayed very conservative for my presents.

The bonus to shopping is it also let me spend time with milady and we got to catch up and talk about what is new in our lives. Girl time is always a good thing.

The wedding that night was as awesome as could be expected or even better. The brides were utterly stunning in their saris – one red and one blue, very fire and water or yin and yang if you will. Everyone was looking quite beautiful and joyous. Sous chef Doo and Chef Schmee did awesome jobs prepping the food – I ate sushi for the first time and nummy! And there were samosas and salad and stuffed tomatoes and some bread thing (puri or paratha or something). I had a little of everything except the stuffed tomatoes and went back for seconds and thirds of the sushi and the salad. It was all vegetarian, homemade and so delicious. For dessert, there was more gilabi and rice pudding, which was the wedding cake, so to speak.

Conversation was flowing and I had a chance to speak with everyone except Schmee’s SO, Jr who was taking pics and J’s daughter. We partied and danced and talked and it was soooo much fun. S and I ended up sitting in the dining room just talking and were soon joined by others who were also tired of being mosquito food and we eventually clued in to close the curtains which began a whole new fun of opening and closing the curtain as people came through, much to the surprise of others who did not see me pull the cords to move the curtains. Heehee. D was the only one who diva’d me and said he preferred to make an entrance and so I stopped moving the curtains for him.

At 11:45, A&J danced a couple of songs and the JP showed up and we shuffled to the seating for the ceremony. The ceremony itself was as thoroughly intimate as desired by the brides. With the crackling fire and the water falling into the pond, it was a beautiful natural setting where the couples said their words of devotion to each other in front of close friends and family. While I found it hard to hear the JP, I could hear A&J say their words to each other and it was just…perfect.

A released us after the ceremony and while a few left, it took until after 1 for everyone to leave. Poor I&V- up way past their bedtime. I kept hinting at A to open the two gifts they received that were not just envelopes. Knowing what I got them, it was better received in front of an audience. A finally gave in and they stood on the deck opening the gifts. Ahhhh, poor A.

They opened the card, which was appropriately a velvet Elvis card. J loved it and between her and Betty managed to read the writing inside. A started to open the box, which as is habit, was nicely wrapped with lots of tape. The box was the box for the indoor grill they gave us and A made a comment about re-gifting, but smartly continued to open. She pulled out the bag, which perfectly fit between the Styrofoam bits and opened what was in the bag. First out the massage oil. A gets a little pink. Next the French massage spinner to go with the oil… A gets a little red. Then a Romance to Go set…for the honeymoon. A is now promising Betty that they will not bring this to PEI and swearing that she doesn’t know how to use it. Betty promised to tell A how to do so. A is now quite red and I am receiving The look and a promise that revenge will be taken. Inside the box is an additional envelope with our very appropriate gift of a Get out of PEI Free card (see previous post on PEI monopoly for the back story of that). Much hilarity and heckling happens. Then they read the IOU (cause the indoor grill is still on order, and we did say to them awhile ago that we would get them an indoor grill for their wedding). Now, when I wrote the message, I just let things come out as they do… which means I should have known it would should very sexual. And after the previous gifts and comments, the IOU sounded very dirty. Then Betty encouraged A to read the card as inside was an additional message of how they should make sure not to suffocate A while sharing their wedding night because pillows are a killer. A doesn’t read the whole thing aloud, but The look got deadlier and A became more and more speechless. (This was also related to another joke we had a few weeks back since some of the wedding party is staying at the house with A&J and supposedly A is a little vocal). All in all, it was received well. I got thumbs up from J. A is still promising revenge. Heehee.

The other gift they received was a beautiful book on Indian architecture and A made the comment that she hoped it didn’t include the Kama Sutra temple, which J just happened to open the book to and showed A that yes, it was included. By the end of the gift opening, A was as red as the sari J was wearing and hardly speaking. The rest of us were laughing aloud and heckling A with good natured affection.

Several people helped clean up a bit, much to I&V’s consternation. Then we bid adieu and went home to crash. It was fabulous meeting other friends of A&J’s as well as their family. I had a great time and I am so glad that I was permitted to be a part of this very intimate and celebratory time. Thank you A&J. I wish you a wonderful wedded life.

Happy Bunny is my fave...

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you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You adorable, but a little out there. It's alright, you might not have it all, but there are worse
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One deadly Sin… coming up

One? Puhlease. I’ve committed several sins in the last few minutes… but today I am only going to discuss one.

Envy – A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another. Dante called it “Perverted Love” as it is a love for what others have, instead of Love of that which is beautiful, true and good.

I am really quite predictable; though don’t tell my closest friends that – I like them to think that I am unpredictable and surprising. But I know that I often ebb and flow just like life and thus have stages. The timing may change, but the feelings, the needs, the wants are the same deep down.

Envy arises usually when there are no big events happening and I have spent a lot of time at home. But we have been fairly busy. Even at home, we often are getting together with people. So why does it arise now?

Probably because work is dissatisfying right now and I haven’t done what I want to. So instead of just doing, I let the internal introvert out and she’s whiny sometimes.

Embrace your envy. Love it, pay attention to it. If you do, the desires beneath it will be unearthed with tremendous speed.

Deep inside of me, past the very strong-minded introvert, there lies an extrovert. Someone who wants to the life of the party, who wants attention and who shivers with the thought of doing something ‘naughty.’ I understand why people drink. It lowers the inhibitions and lets the inner demon out to play. Sometimes, the inner demon is someone fun and free. Sometimes, it’s mean and nasty. I just wish people could be who they want to be without the crutch, the excuse if you will. How many times have I heard a friend say that it was because of the drink that they did such-and-such? I choose not to drink. I am not allergic, as far I know; I just don’t want that to be the excuse I use to do something. I would rather have the ‘balls’, so to speak, to do what I want and not have to offer an excuse.

However, I haven’t let the inner demon out in a while as of late. I usually only do so with certain friends, cause I… I guess I feel safe with them seeing that side of me. That is not to say that I don’t trust my other friends. I just have several friends now who I think would not appreciate seeing that side of me and so I don’t show it. So, now, after a long time of not letting the extrovert out, I am feeling antsy and envious. I want to be free to do what my inner desires want. I want to let go of my strict restrictions and just have a good time for the sake of doing so. And I want people to notice. I want to be the topic of gossip for a little bit. I want to spark someone else to let go of their inhibitions. Start of wave of fun and freedom. Damn the consequences and no regrets.

Even as I feel the extrovert smiling and nodding, I can also feel the introvert shaking her head and hear her mumbling about fools. So despite the fact that maybe I just want to dip the next person I see and give them a great big kiss, I’ll be boring, staid me. And I’ll be envious of all those who I imagine are having exciting, fun lives, because they are the topics of discussion and their drunken party image is seen as boisterous and attractive. I’ll imagine that I live a life where I can just take a trip at the drop of a hat and visit exotic locales and meet fabulous people from around the world. I’ll lose myself in a book and pretend that I too am desired by so many and that my smile is the highlight of their day. And just maybe, when no one is looking, I will do something a little naughty, a little dangerous and though I will smile sweetly, my eyes will twinkle with the knowledge that sometimes I too can be exciting. But no one will know, except for me, my partner in crime, and the fly on the wall.