It’s like a fart with a lump in it.

Ahhhh, you would be surprised to learn this was not from my good friend A, but rather from a co-worker. Fave co-worker and I laughed so hard after this was said. Goes to show how well the meeting was going, eh?

A week of being run down and trying to get better. A week of feeling very lonely, but too tired to do anything about it. A week with so much to do and yet so little actually got done. Sighhhh.

Today was better. After finishing Still Alice, see prior post, I was so not in the mood to be alone. I called milady and thankfully, she dropped everything and we went shopping. I know one shouldn’t use shopping a mood lifter, but between that and getting some good talking in with milady, my mood was definitely improved. I bought a couple more Christmas presents (yes, I know it is still sickening), some Halloween stuff, and a new yoga mat. I debated between the pretty burgundy one with snowflakes or the thicker mat, but practicality won, and I got the thicker one.

Of course, I am alone again this evening. I really do need to get a life. I really do need to meet some people who are not involved in this dang LARP game. And someone who lives on the northside would be great, seeing as it is that time of year again when I can’t drive in the evenings.

Speaking of darkness, is it just me or does it seem darker earlier this year? I seriously feel all discombobulated this year. The dark seems earlier as does the cold. I feel like I need to put away all my summer stuff, but I just got it all out. I have so much I want to do, yet, despite being lonely and bored, I never actually get anything done. It feels worse this year. I really do need a holiday. Maybe this change in my job will be a good thing and I can get stuff done around the house. Maybe I can get off on time and come home and exercise again. Maybe my house and get organized and stay that way. Maybe D will help out. Maybe I just want the moon.

So how does a shy, introverted person meet new people? How does a person actually get out and do something? How does an adult make friends?

I mean I talk to people. I had an excellent conversation with a lady on the way home on the bus yesterday. We talked from my usual bus stop to where I get off. We laughed and shared stories and never were names mentioned. I still think it is weird how often this happens to me. Am I becoming like the SIL too much – too picky, too demanding, to set in my ways?

Oh – and no one has responded to the Celebration of the Dark Season invites yet. I know it is early yet, there is about a month until RSVPs are due, but what the??? I think it just goes with my loneliness and low self-esteem. I feel rejection even though I have not heard a yea or nay. Besides, what does it really matter? I am sure someone will show up, right? Goodness, I hope someone shows up. I still have to work on my costume and the soundtrack yet anyway, so no worrying about that.

Besides, I still have D’s family coming to visit and there are things I NEED to do before they show up. Like fix some blankets so no one freezes in the basement. Like get this place cleaned up and ready for parents to enter. They leave and we will be in full holiday mode – whoot! And there are things I want to do during the holidays, besides the annual dentist and doctor visits. Getting the flooring in would be nice. Which means I need to pack up the office.

And shows really start this week, so any of this loneliness will soon be filled with my fictional friends on the TV. My PVR is at 50%. ACK!!!! I had it down to 40%, but more movies, more shows. I need to get it cleaned off!!! I really need to look at the list of movies and see if I REALLY want to see them. If not, boom –they are deleted! Teehee.

Okay, that should be my next chore. So I will be off. I swear next time, I will have something interesting to post, like maybe a new recipe…

Sometimes, I just feel so alone…

”I miss myself.”
“I miss you, too, Ali, so much.”
“I never planned to get like this.”
“I know.”

A co-worker lent Still Alice to me. She said this one had an impact on her and we briefly discussed the fears we both had of developing Alzheimer’s disease. I thought it was very interesting that two people, both with degrees and proud of our intelligence, would fear losing that intelligence so much. It has always been a worry of mine, especially as life goes on and I find myself wondering if I am as smart as I was once. Am I getting stupider? Am I letting my smarts go to waste? Would I lose myself if I lost my mind?

This book is the story of a woman still in her prime who discovers her faulty memory is not due to stress or age, but is rather the slowly being degraded by a harrowing disease. What seems like the simple act of forgetting becomes the scary reality of uncertainty. The book is told from Alice’s point of view, allowing you to really understand the fear, confusion, and perhaps, acceptance of early-onset Alzheimer’s. It is a hard book to read and yet, so hard to put down. I laughed and I cried, often. I agree with the protagonist’s view that it would be better to have cancer rather than Alzheimer’s. At least you have something that people can see effects of, that you can fight, and that doesn’t have a stigma behind it anymore.

I highly recommend anyone to read it, but be prepared to never forget it.

I know you're here because the car is in the driveway and the smell of cruelty is in the air. – The Big C

Cruelty, sickness… it’s all in the air right now. It is probably all my fault. I was saying how this weekend was two days of just me. So I was debating between calling people and having a girls’ night or just staying in and watch TV all weekend. Well, no debate was required. Thursday night I started sneezing and Friday I was hit with a cold. Ick! I hate being sick. Yes, it is an easy response to my question – obviously, I am staying in. And yes, I did watch several shows on my PVR (which is now down to 51% - whoot!) And I have energy today, but I know how my colds work. Especially since I can’t take anything for them. I sneeze… a lot… that is the sign I am getting sick. This is followed by a great need to sleep and a lack of mental capacity. Following this is also the lack of hearing (it seems like everyone is whispering all the time!). Then the head congestion, the heat generating head, the growing pile of Kleenex, the need to sleep every chance I can, the desire to do things without any energy, then there is a day of clearing – things seems better, I have energy. And then whack! I am back feeling sorry for myself as I crawl from the bed to the couch and back. Today, I have some energy. I am supposed to go to work tomorrow. I have a feeling that won’t be happening, but I won’t know until the alarm goes off (far too early) tomorrow. I always base my decision on how I feel that morning. I know – pathetic, isn’t it? I know there are lots of people who would be in my shoes right now and calling in sick already. My parents taught me better than that. So what excitement can I share from my weekend of being sick?

- My friends A&J are awesome – they didn’t forget me and actually called and invited me out. Of course, I had to say no, but it was still nice to be remembered.
- How to Be (with Robert Pattinson) is a dull movie. I only watched it all because I was too sick to click delete.
- Benjamin Button was actually an interesting story. How they took a short story and made it into a movie that is over 2.5 hours… well, the joys of cinematics. I enjoyed it.
- Precious was depressing. I know it is based on truth, but still it is sad to think of all of that happening.
- True Blood still rocks! Love it. Though more guy on guy action would have been nice… of course, I am still a few episodes behind, not including tonight’s finale.
- Haven looks like it could have had hope, but the fact that I completely forgot about it after the first episode and the fact that Stephen King is involved leads me not to care all that much.
- Paranormal Activity is too scary to watch when you are in a house alone. Thankfully, I only taped 7 minutes of it and I watched it with my hands over my eyes. Since I guessed where to place my hands right, I managed to miss most of the scary bits at the beginning and was able to sleep.
- I found this quote and loved it – another tidbit to add to CommaGate

Grammar is important. Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse & helping your uncle jack off a horse.

- I eat really well when I am alone, even when I am sick. Friday, I had vegetable soup and grilled cheese made with whole grain baguette and really cheese for supper. Saturday, I made French Onion soup for the first time, using homegrown onions and garlic and topped off with the baguette. (Note: when they suggest toasting the bread first, don’t ignore that step. It makes it so the bread floats and keeps the cheese from sinking.) That being said, it was still good. Tonight, I am debating between making a potato and cheese soup (with homegrown potatoes) or doing pretend spaghetti.
- I am not a fan of the some things in the way Shaw has set up its new system. When surfing through the guide and then reading the info on a show, I do not appreciate being shoved back to the first station, rather than where I was on the guide. That is bloody annoying, especially since it usually happens when I am already half way through the guide.
- My filing is actually mostly done. I just have to put away the nicely stacked pile. Watching movies provides you lots of time to sort through filing.
- I love Damon in Vampire Diaries

I kissed you, I thought you kissed me, doppelganger hijinks ensued ... how do you think I'm doing?

I have decidedly had a turn for the bad boy recently… it all started with Spike really. He tore me away from Angel… sighhhh. There has been no turning back.
- Christian Slater is still an utter babe and he can sing. Sighhhh! He was on Inside the Actor’s Studio this afternoon.
- The orange lady is staying an additional several months. I dislike her with a passion. I am thinking of taking this up with the higher ups because I really don’t think her psychosomatic problems should affect the rest of us. For gods sake, I don’t let my allergies affect everyone else’s lives, so why should hers? And she is going to be around throughout christmas. Bitch!
- I thought this was hilarious, considering it relates to the reason I am alone this weekend.


Alright, my energy is flagging. Time to decide/make supper and watch another movie. Or maybe a couple more True Blood episodes. Here's hoping I feel better soon.

I admit I am cute and I’m powerless to control it.

So says Hoops and Yoyo. I fell in love with these two a couple of years ago when I found them on the Hallmark website. They make me giggle and wiggle. Here is a really fun animation from their website. Check out their site.

Some other interesting things going on around me:
- Have you seen the latest in car assessories? I love these! Car lashes. Aren’t they cute?


- Comma gate – Oh I had so much to say on this at one time, now… I just shake my head. It annoys me that people who obviously don’t know how to spell or use grammar correctly are allowed to dictate what others have to do. If I was rich and cared enough, I would mail our headquarters a copy of Eat, Shoots and Leaves. As it is, I am now sneakily changing things when they aren’t looking and if they don’t like it, “change it yourselves, morons!”

- Gardens – my gardens are producing wonderfully this year. I have even mostly kept up with the weeding. I know, what is this? How crazy is that? Of course, I have sacrificed my arse every time I have weeded, since that is where the mosquitoes like to feast. I know my arse is fantastic, but please, I prefer if other people would enjoy it, not insects!

- Potatoes – this is the first year I grew potatoes. I love the taste of fresh from the garden potatoes. Thankfully, I have had no potato bugs because that would have turned me off them completely. I hate potato bugs. Ick!

- Corn – I have corn growing. Mom took an ear today, so I will see how it tasted. It looked a little under ripe for me. But soon, I will have fresh corn too!

- Tomatoes – oh my goodness – I have tons of tomatoes. Honestly, I have planted tomatoes every year and this is the first year I have had so many huge tomatoes. I just can’t get them to ripen. Arghhhh! I just want red tomatoes!

- Loneliness – has been a constant companion. D is working lots of overtime lately, which means I spend a lot of time alone. And sadly, I often spend it cleaning. Another reminder of why I need a harem to assist me. More people to clean means more people to play. It also reminds me that I need to work on my hobbies.

- It is interesting how many people do not understand bisexuality and open relationships. So many people say that to be either means the person is not committed, let alone doesn’t actually exist. I want to set them straight (heehee), but how do you explain certain things to people? Why can’t a person love more than one person? Why can’t a person be committed to more than one person? And why do people have to limit themselves to one sex? Why can’t they enjoy a person for who they are and not what sex they are?

- 67% - that is what my PVR is at right now. Shows really start in 2 weeks. I have to start watching more shows!!!! Yes, I am aware Vampire Diaries starts this week. I have had my shows picked out for a few weeks now. Want to know?

Mondays – Castle, How I Met Your Mother, Two and a Half Men, Mike and Molly, Hawaii Five-O, Chuck, and The Event.
Tuesdays – No Ordinary Family, One Tree Hill, Biggest Loser, Raising Hope, Parenthood, and Glee
Wednesdays – Cougar Town, Modern Family, and Undercovers
Thursdays – Big Bang Theory, S**t My Dad Says, Vampire Diaries, Bones, CSI, and Fringe
Fridays – CSI: NY, Smallville, Supernatural, and Human Target
Sundays – Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

I know – what listing eh? However will I have time to watch it all? I am hoping some of the new shows suck and then I can drop to just my faves. But we all know how this works… And of course, this list is just for the fall season. There is still the winter season to worry about. Ack!!!!

Okay – that is all I have in me to share right now. It is late; I am tired. More to come…