(I got that) Boom Boom

So I woke up this morning with these grand thoughts of how I was going to work on D’s costume and imagined myself getting at least 1 vest done and maybe starting a second one. I would do the cravats but I need fusible interfacing. I was so excited and raring to go and then I go into the kitchen and the answering machine is blinking. (Yes, I know I am old fashioned with the answering machine, but I like to see the blinking red light – it makes me feel special – heehee) And the light is blinking twice, not once, but twice, so in the 20 minutes that the bathroom fan was on, 2 people called. Guess I should be happy they both called after noon. One is the girls’ nite presenter saying my replacement stuff was in (whoohoo) and then my parents stating they both need haircuts. Sighhhh. And of course D calls just as I was about to call the people back to say that we are going dancing tonight. So with the hopes of some good music and fun times, I call my parents and invite them over. I love my parents, they are great people, however, their hair grows like weeds – it feels like I just cut their hair. I think I still have the wound from last time. It was good though. We caught up and I cut their hair – I really need to learn something new for mom though – I’m not liking how the front is working out – though I have the back down pat. Dad’s cut turned out well though. And I only cut myself once this time and not between the fingers like normal, but actually on top of the hand.

So anyway, they left and nothing has been done. Well, I decided on supper and pulled it out of the freezer. Otherwise, nothing. Oh, except J called to say we weren’t going dancing now. Sighhh. I need to find something to do in Edmonton that will keep D and I busy. Or we need to break down and buy the pool table. I am soooo leaning towards doing that. Then we could be busy all the time. I love playing pool and I certainly can play by myself. Heehee. I am still restless and I really don’t feel like crouching over the sewing machine, pleading and praying for it to work. And my office…amazingly is most organized. D bought me an office set and it is working out surprisingly well. Though I do miss my penguin to hold my paperclips. The little magnetic holder that looks like a squished ball is not nearly as cute.

Ooh, findings for this week – I was listening to msn music, cause I wanted something new and they have a One Hit Wonders playlist that has 72 songs in it. Whee! So exciting. I listened to a sample of it and it was cool. So many memories.

And my fave quote for this week:

I’d really rather get to know their mind before I get to know their head.

How true.

Living vicariously

First – Ukrainian Love poem

My love is like a cabbage
Divided into two
The leaves I give to others
The heart I give to you.
Unknown

I don’t know if I am being stereotypically female and downplaying my life OR my life is truly boring. I think it is a bit of both. When people ask what is new, I usually can’t think of anything to say.

My friend milady is having the most exciting time as of late, between her car and certain new friendships. She goes out constantly, is losing weight fabulously and things are going great for her. And I am so HAPPY for her. But that small part of me misses her and is jealous that she has this wonderful life…and I am not even a third wheel observer, but a long distance, read it in the blog first kind of gatherer. Don’t think that she has been anything but awesome. She hasn’t deliberately left me out of the loop, as far as I know, but we just have been moving in along different paths. I am glad that she is having fun and finding new opportunities.

I am sad though that I seem to be living within myself. I know part of it is this weather. Winter, for me, usually involves nights spent at home watching tv or hanging with a few close friends. I usually don’t get out and I am usually fine with that. This weather though is very spring-like. And spring brings out the restless in me. I want to move and go out and DO something. I don’t know what I want to do, but I feel the need to DO something. And this weather is bringing that feeling. Only partially though, because there is the other half of me that is just withdrawing from everything. I have been procrastinating like crazy lately. D’s costume is planned, but not sewn, let alone the pattern cut out. (Thank you J for the pattern.) There is a list of stuff I want to do, but nothing seems to get done. I did complete the puzzle I got last year (2004) for Christmas. Hopefully, I will finish 2005’s puzzle before 2007. And even on my days off, I tend to wander around the house and let myself be distracted rather than actually doing what needs to be done. I want to get together with people, but I feel like I am intruding on their lives if I call to see what is up, so I don’t call and don’t see if they want to get together. Even D is tired of talking with me. Today, we sat in the mall and said nothing, because when asked D said there was nothing to talk about. I mean, oh my goodness, I didn’t think I was that dull.

At work, they think I am so exciting and energetic. And they still think I am the ultimate positive person. Phghhhhht. Whatever. I just need to get something going in my life. There is so much that I want to do, but where to start. And my office is a mess again. Did I mention how that aggravates me? Heehee.

Domestically, I have been trying to organize things again, but I always start in weird places – like the games room. Yesterday, in the midst of checking the basement phone cause the one upstairs wasn’t working, I got distracted and reorganized the gaming books. And I don’t mean, I just tidied them, I mean I reorganized 6 shelves worth so that not only were they divided into specific genres, but also versions. And the dice were separated into style and type. But why is any of that important? I don’t see that room a lot, so I don’t get to see my efforts often, but it was important at that moment, I guess. Meanwhile, my office is ignored, my craft room is piled up and my dressing room is messy. I think if I really wanted to analyze it, there would be some profound psychology behind it all, but realistically, I think I am just weird. Bored. And weird.

Politically, I just want to say it is interesting how adamant Harper was that people should not cross the floor and then as soon as someone does it to his side, he is all right with it. Not really a surprise from a politician, but one can always hope. I still think someone younger would be good- someone fresh and a little less cynical and political.

I am not sure I like the direction work is taking us. It’s like the big bosses have this idea. They try to implement it, doesn’t work, so they let it stew in the back, then they decide to bring it forward several years later and cram it down everyone’s throat. Here it is, people, now deal. I like trying new things, but there has to be some support. There has to be someone who has a vision of the end product and an idea of how to get there. What it seems is that the big bosses have the end product in their eyes and it all very “EXCITING” (trust me, they use this in Every memo about the new direction), but there is really no plan. And despite wanting to be uniform throughout all offices, each office is handling it differently as we are laid out different and we have different clientele depending on where the office is located. I feel like I am trying my hardest to keep up, but sometimes, it is like what is the point. Show us the final idea in detail, so we know why we are going through all of this. Arghh.

Did I mention recently how cute James Marsters is? I just looked up at my calendar of him and he has this blond wavy hairstyle going on and he is looking cutely curious? You just want to rip his shirt off and watch the eyebrow quirk. Heeheehee.

My brain hurts…

I was sent this intelligence test – which is cool and oh my, my head hurts. D and I gave up at 29/33 and though I was 4/5 of the way on one question and 2/7 on another one, we just looked at the answers and knew that at least 2 of them we never would have gotten. It would have taken more than just a leap of faith. But still, it never truly is bad to test the brain. We are currently working on part 2. And oy! It’s not looking good. We’ll see how it goes since I just received that one today. Give it a try – I encourage all of you.

I had one of those dreams this morning that impacts you emotionally and when you wake up, you just don’t feel right for most of the day. This dream had me really upset at some friend of D’s (no clue who, he was never really in focus) and so when I got up and there was no one to be mad at, it was surreal. So I spent most of the day just kind of off a step from reality. I feel better now, though I do plan on going to bed early. Plan being the operative word, cause while I may plan, sometimes it just doesn’t work out.

And speaking of which, since D and I just spent over 30 minutes working on a movie test, I am off to bed. Egh, tired now.

My house, in the middle of the street...

So I was reading one of the several blogs that I just randomly found while back – gotta love blog surfing - and he was writing about his parents selling his childhood home and how poignant the memories were of it. And it struck a chord in me. My parents also sold my childhood home about 3 years ago. I remember going to the first Christmas at the new house and it just felt wrong. Mind you, they did sell that house a year later, so the next Christmas was in their latest home. That first holiday though was a killer.

My parents had owned that home since about 1979. I had originally shared a room and bunk bed with my brother and I remember the ugly green carpet we had. My grandmother, aunt and uncle had lived with us for a bit, taking over the basement. Imagine 4 adults, 1 teen and 2 kids living in a house with only 1 bathroom.

When they moved out, I got to take the room in the basement. Somehow I got the smallest room, but it worked out. It had dark brown wood paneling on the walls, a mottled blue rug, and one small window. At night, it was pitch black, except when the neighbors turned on the outside lights. I love that room. And I mean, love, not loved. I still remember the warm cocooning that the room had. The only problem was the closet doors. One didn’t line up with the side and so there was this gap that I always had the feeling that something was watching me through.

I remember having just a regular bed and having what seemed like endless room to play. I remember having to kneel on the bed as I pulled the corner up to make the bed. I remember getting the waterbed when I was 12 or 13 and there being little space to move. But I still rearranged that room regularly.

I remember the hole we made in the door so my cat could get through and then later using the hole to watch what tv programs my parents were watching when I was supposed to be sleeping

I remember the posters of Corey Hart, Bryan Adams and Platinum Blonde being on my ceiling. They were arranged so that every morning when I awoke, I opened my eyes to Corey Hart staring down at me, roll to one side and there was Bryan and roll just a bit to the other side and there were the Blondes. I remember mom getting mad that I had taped pictures all over the paneling and when the pictures were removed, spending endless nights colouring the paneling in with pencil crayons, trying to match the colors and the wood grain.

I remember dad refinishing the hardwood floors that had been under the hideous carpet in the living room and learning that you should always use a sander in the corner first, not the door way. I remember dancing to music and sliding in my socks across the hardwood and down the hallway.

I remember screaming at my mother as we both fought for dominance, for acceptance, for independence.

I remember my parents moving out to an acreage with my brother, both to raise dogs and to get my brother with a better crowd. I remember the first Christmas there being weird and then having to come home early cause the house was broken into and then spending the nights there alone while the rest of the family was at the acreage.

I remember spending endless nights up with my roommate L, her sitting in the doorway of her bedroom, me sitting in the bathroom doorway, talking about anything and everything until the wee hours.

I remember locking the door to my room and throwing shoes at my closet doors so no one could hear me cry after my boyfriend had taken me for a ride in his truck, and while Garth Brooks was playing “The Dance”, he broke up with me.

I remember the stairs to the kitchen being the perfect height for me and another guy to ‘get it on’ against the wall.

I remember using a weed eater to mow the lawn before L and I had bought a lawn mower.

I remember long talks, back rubs and play fighting with another roommate LH before he left with no notice, owing me tons of money and ruining our friendship.

I remember standing at the back gate, looking at the sky, just thinking, on cool nights when the sky was so clear.

I remember moving out, so my brother could move in to go to post-secondary in the city. I remember my parents moving back to the city.

I remember my parents tearing down 2 of 3 huge spruce trees in the front yard and then the hedges that separated the street from our front yard.

I remember my parents telling me they were selling the house, and I swear…

I felt my heart break just a bit.

So many years spent in one place. D accuses me of having deep roots and I really can’t deny it. While yes, my life moves on and houses change. I can still just close my eyes and remember how secure I felt in that house, both in happy times and sad. The memory of that house is like a warm blanket I can wrap around me when I am feeling a little down and though new people have moved in and goodness knows, it is not the same now, in my head, it stands like a beacon in my life, always steady, always there.

Breaking the Habit

So 2006 has become the year that my head breaks down and that despite my supposed eleven-year trend of good luck, Murphy is out to get me. Normally, I am known for being the one who remembers everyone’s b-days and is always ready to make sure it is a good time for the b-day person. Lately, my mind is just gone. I remember beforehand. And often remember that day, at which point I delay the calling til I get home or something and then… it’s gone. The next day or several days later, I suddenly remember and it is like I am pathetic. 2 of my friends have recently had b-days and while a couple days prior I went to a shindig that was to celebrate their special day, the actual day went by and I didn’t call. Their gifts were ready, but I was not. So I suck. And I don’t like this ‘New’ me.

I think it has something to do with me just needing some ‘me’ time, some down time. Everything is just speeding past and while it is great, it just feels like it is so much to handle and a large part of me wants to hole up and hide from it. Which of course, I should not do, cause that’s the anti-social introvert talking. And it annoys D to no end, but since D gets energy from crowds and I get mine from being alone or with a very small group, it’s too bad. D gets what D wants a lot of the time. Sometimes, I need to be selfish.

Little things are annoying me and I don’t know if it’s because of all the uncertainty of my job, the non-winter weather or just because it seems like spring so I am going through my spring fever early. Despite all I do, I just don’t feel like I am doing enough and nothing seems to be getting done. And my head is working through things and I need to talk about it, but I don’t want to. And I am whining to the extreme tonight. Heehee.

And for some reason, my own blog is forbidden for me to see. That really annoys me.

Positive wise, I started my eeyore puzzle that I got last year. It is one of those one that each piece is made up of several other pictures, so you match not only the large picture, but you have to make sure the tiny pics match too. The toys from the girls’ nite come in tomorrow, so I can start arranging to get those to people. I have a couple more ideas of what I want to spend Ralph’s bonus on as well. We’ll see what I finally decide.

Oh, and Elizabethtown goes out on Tuesday. I am soooooo excited. We were discussing with friends about Nail bags –what celebrities you’d nail – Orlando Bloom is sooooo on that list and he has the totally hot name – so sexy to moan out and he is a total babe. So one of my Future Shop GCs is going to that on Tuesday. Yes!