Distraction – it’s what I need

It is one of those days, heck it’s been one of those weeks, where I am home and I just can’t let go. It was revelation week at work and I feel disappointed and disillusioned. It’s almost like the feeling you find out when you discover your parents are human with flaws and neuroses. Here I was at work, flying high cause things were going well and I felt supported and encouraged and wouldn’t you know, I let the optimist out and when the rug got pulled out from under my feet, my pessimist rose wanting a binge fest. And I am fighting – though anyone who is an emotional eater knows, it is a tough fight and if I lose, it goes downhill.

It was just a bad week. The bipolar-ish witch at the back decided that she would both yell and insult me and then turn around the next time she saw me and say how wonderful I was at my job. If I am so wonderful, then don’t come yelling at me and telling what my job entails. I know my job and I know what I am doing and obviously if I am doing something a specific way, there is a point. Instead of getting in my face and being accusatory, why not make it a polite suggestion? Instead of “why isn’t anyone doing x,” try “someone over here needs some help.” Heck, a smart person would even go as far to suggest that if the clients are bothering you when you walk past them to take your break, then why don’t you go out the back door to take your break where they clients won’t see you? It’s not like the whole office couldn’t stand the exercise. On top that, my supervisor and his boss decided that my involvement in the training was to end today. I would no longer be involved. All the work I have done and kept them informed of means naught. The network I established between trainers, the attempt to organize the vast amounts of information, the leadership I established for myself – all gone.

I will admit – certainly, part of it is my fault. I fell for the adage of building my confidence based on my job. I also didn’t listen to my realist/pessimist side that told me to not get comfortable. So instead I am back to being at their beck and call. Despite our office being too busy to spare me for training stuff for one day next week, the boss has decided that I will help her out for a day and a half. ARGHHHH!

So I need a distraction. I will probably either pull apart the office or the library, cause I just need something to take my mind off of this. It’s Canada Day weekend and I would like to enjoy it. I can’t help but think of my wish for a harem. That would certainly be a distraction… sighhh…

I don’t think the weather has helped either – its been a week of little sleep, too much heat and way too much light. Add on to that a very physical week of changing around the office, helping a friend clean the place she just moved out of and I am just emotionally and physically exhausted. Tonight is supposed to be cooler, so hopefully that means that I will get some decent sleep and tomorrow will be another day.

Anyway, I have 3000 more steps I want to do which means my arse needs to get out of this chair.

One more thing, my media player obviously can sense my moods since it is on random and so far it is playing a myriad of emotional heart wrenching songs... hmmm, sentient media player...? Wouldn't that be an awesome invention - a device that plays songs according to your mood, and it would just know - like a mood ring. Hmmm. I must think more on this... Heehee.

Pardon me, is my halo crooked?

You Are 70% Evil

You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

How Evil Are You?

Interesting news…

Check this story out.

Aussie saved by friend half a world away - Monday, June 26, 2006

CORNWALL, Ont. -- The 911 emergency system works, even when the emergency is on the other side of the world.

An Australian man got help after a 911 call was made to police in Cornwall, Ont. late last night.

A Cornwall woman was on her computer using a webcam to talk face-to-face with a friend in Australia.

At one point, say police, the man fell from a ladder and could not call for help.

His Canadian friend called 911 and Cornwall police dispatchers contacted emergency officials Down Under.

Paramedics in Australia arrived to help the man who was understandably confused and apparently suffered injuries to his ribs.

© Broadcast News 2006

Congratulations to 911 in Canada for providing such exceptional service. However, the first questions that came to mind was - why was he conversing via a webcam while climbing a ladder? Could just be me.

Ooh and today I received a flyer from the local church advertising their Free wacky Wednesday events for kids grades 1-6 and affordable day camps for children age 3 to grade 6. It looked like a lot of fun and great creativity, and then you read the little box on the side – WIN A MP3 PLAYER! The child who brings the most new friends to Wacky Wednesdays will win a MP3 player. Is that what it has come to? Churches are recruiting members at ages 3 to 12 in exchange for an MP3 player? Interesting concept. Guess all your soul is worth these days is 49.99.

In more personal news – we strived really hard today in this heat to change the office around. Looking good. Tonight we are hoping the cleaners actually clean the floors – icky – you can tell they use lots of water on the floor when they mop and it just seeps under the metal book stands and rusts. Tomorrow we hopefully get to finish moving things and voila – instant makeover for minimal costs.

The weird that is me…

So I received some cds in the mail today that I ordered from air miles (what? Who said you had to use them on actual travel?) and it was a reminder of how varied my tastes are. I received Eminem’s Curtain Call, Def Leppard’s the Vault and Rihanna’s A girl like me. Whoo! It was very hard to decide which to listen to first – but I decided on Rihanna. I love her song SOS, it always makes me move. My favorite of hers, thus far, is Unfaithful. I love the imagery that arises from this song.

Everytime I walk out the door I see him die a little more inside I don’t wanna hurt him anymore I don’t wanna take away his life I don’t wanna be a murderer.

I might as well take a gun and put it to his head.

I don’t know. There is just something about the song that I understand – it echoes similar tones to a poem I had written several years back about adultery.

Mind you, that is just me. And I also listen to Britney Spears and most of my friends are shuddering right now because of that. Heehee.

New considerations for the blog came up recently. A friend started his own blog and it’s very him and I commented on it a couple of time – cause who doesn’t like to receive comments? And so he asked for my blog address. It is amazing what goes through the mind when that happens. I had to ask myself did I want him to read it, was it safe to read, I am such a boring person why would anyone read it. I found myself telling him not to expect much because you know, it’s my blog. Part of me feels like I have to raise my standards of what I am writing, cause really I was able to this point pretend only a couple people were reading my blog and they adore me, so it’s okay if I am not on top of the game every time. The pressure. Which of course, led me to the conclusion that I should just kick my own arse, cause it’s my blog and what I want write is what I write and if it is the most boring blog around, then people who don’t know me will never read it and… that’s okay with me. I briefly thought I would say it wouldn’t matter if my friends didn’t read it, but that would bother me, so I will just pretend they all do. Heehee.

I am waiting as patiently as I can for the new Laurel K Hamilton book. I pre-ordered it. It comes out today I believe. Sighhhh. The cds are really good, but they are no replacement for Nathanial... or Micah... or Frost... or... so many to choose from.

Okay, as promised, some recipes. The first is... I know, hold the applause, its pancakes. Hear me out – I have never made pancakes from scratch until 2 weeks ago. On June 7, I cut a recipe out of the journal. Later that week, a coworker mentioned he had made pancakes for the first time from scratch. We thought it was funny that I hadn’t made them from scratch either. Pancakes always came from a box. Anyway, he raved about how good the pancakes were and so on my holidays I broke down and made them. Wow! I totally get what he was saying. What a difference. Even heated up a second time, they are just that much better than boxed pancakes. So I share with you the recipe that made me so ecstatic about pancakes again.

2 cups (500 ml) all-purpose flour
1/4 cups (50 ml) white sugar
1/2 tsp (2ml) salt
2 1/4 tsp (12 ml)baking powder
1/2tsp (2 ml) baking soda
2 large eggs
2 cups (500 ml) buttermilk (there is 1% buttermilk, to make up for the real butter)
1/4 cup (50 ml) butter, melted (I used Real butter)
1 cup (250 ml) berries (optional – I’m a purist and so no berries for me)

Stir dry ingredients together. In separate bowl, beat eggs, buttermilk and melted butter. Stir the egg mixture into the dry mixture with a spatula, forming a lumpy batter. Don’t overbeat.

How you cook them is your discretion. For Christmas, we received a funky pancake cooker that looks just like an indoor grill and it makes pancakes like a dream. (Omelets too, but that is another story.) Big thing is of course NEVER flip a pancake more than once.

If you put berries in, you are supposed to ladle 1/3 cup of batter onto your cooking surface and then sprinkle a few berries in.


And of course, the ever awaited Chicken and biscuits – the easy way – this recipe I got from the Travelin' Texans blog. It just looked so easy and yummy that I had to try it. It just took me a few months to remember to buy cream of chicken soup. Heehee oops!

2 cups cooked chicken
1/2 cup or more milk
1/2 tsp poultry seasoning (I didn’t have so I used Mrs. Dash seasoning)
1/4 tsp pepper
1 can cream of chick soup
1 package frozen mixed vegetables
1 package Philsbury country biscuits

Cook philsbury country biscuits as per directions. Cook the rest of the ingredients about 10 minutes on medium high heat and then pour over cooked biscuits.

Seriously, it is that easy and it tastes SO good, even the next day heated up for lunch. Even D raved about it.

Now I should move on to paying a few bills. Joy.

When the past returns...

I was out shopping with L last night and we ran into an old friend. Considering we were trying to avoid this person, it was not the best situation to be in when she called out my name and then proceeded to talk. It is not that neither L nor I wish this person anything bad; I know for me, I chose to remove this person from my life. There was a time when she and I were best friends who told each other everything and experienced a lot together. Then as time went, the relationship became less balanced. She seemed to need more attention focused on her and would often interrupt me with either a ‘related’ story or to ‘one up’ me. I tried confronting her like a civilized adult, but she neither heard nor wanted to hear my feelings. So I told her that I wasn’t going to put up with it and I stopped taking her calls or emails. I became busy with a life that did not include her.

It may seem harsh - she had been my friend for about 10 years. I just got tired of being a friend and not getting a friend in return. I realized that I was spending an awful lot of time being mad at her and it was adding negativity to my life. So I stopped it. And though there has been the odd occasion to wonder how she is doing, I really never regretted my decision.

So last night, I gave her another chance and interacted with her. I was impressed by some of the changes and I congratulated her on several of her accomplishments. But I also became aware that several things had not changed. She still interrupted to tell her story and she did not listen fully when either L or I talked. She hinted several times that she would like for her and I to get together and catch up, flagrantly ignoring L. I took the passive route and just hmmm’ed. But am I truly interested in allowing her back into my life…?

I wish her all the best that life can give her. I hope she is happy and she gets what she wishes from life. I do not think that it is in either of our best interests to resume our friendship. Really, I shouldn’t speak for her – I don’t think it is in MY best interest to resume our friendship.

It is so hard to let go of a friendship. So much happened though, that though I forgive her, I just don’t feel that I want to be in that situation again. You know, Shame on you, Shame on me. To forgive does not mean to forget. Just because I can forgive her doesn’t mean I have to lie down and let her do it again. I learned from that experience. Now I move on.

Doesn’t that ever-returning email state that people come into your life for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime? Can I not let her be a Season? Let her time come to rest and move on? Part of me thinks that L and I managed to reestablish our friendship, why can't I do so with her? The other part of me wants to smack me and tell me to remember what I had decided.

Yeah, that is what is going on in my head right now. Just thought I would share.

Holidays are done…

So the week of my holidays is now done. Sighhhh. Seems like I did nothing, though I know we got a lot done. It rained all week – of course, it is sunny today. Stupid weather.

News – 1 car paid off, 1 to go. Whew! Yes, we had to scrounge to finish paying the car, but a car is paid off. Surprisingly, not nearly as excited as I thought I would be about that. Drats!

Halloween stuff – I am sooooo stuck and D despite being helpful sporadically in the past is not being helpful now. I wanted the invites to go out. I am just about done the website. Do we have an idea on the invites? No. So much still to do and it feels like we have no time – I mean seriously, I have to get off my case – Halloween is still 4 months away – OMG – 4 months! – only 4 months?!? ------ okay, breathe, that is a lot of time. Really, it is…

We found a house exterior we like – we just need to figure out who can do that. It’s on Saskatchewan Drive – 204 I think or 212, or something like that. It looks like large castle stones. That is what I want my house to look like – something solid, something that has roots to the land. And it is my castle, so why shouldn’t it look like one.

Oilers – The rook had a great comment on his blog about people yelling out WOO every time the Oilers win and how he didn’t know this Woo person, so on Saturday, I yelled back to these people – WOO WHO? They just yelled WOO in response. I mean really people, how is anyone supposed to help if you can’t tell us which Woo you are looking for? Heehee

Stagette – awesome party! Despite the Oilers winning, the fans did not take over the bar. Pride week was much more important at the bar and I am very happy for that. There were some interesting people there – aren’t there always? There was ‘Trevor’ – who despite me table dancing with my elbow in his back, he refused to move away from our table. He also didn’t get the hint when A proceeded to ask him and his girl some pointed questions about his general lack of … well, let’s just say, bad hair, bad clothes, not a good impression. Then there was the 80’s guy – possibly a fabulous outfit, except as the 80’s and even the spring 2006 fashion, showed – wearing a skirt over pants ONLY works if the pants are tight. Loose khakis under a black flirty skirt do not work. The collar and the striped top that was pulled off the shoulders were fine, the bottom half – not so much. A&J were looking stunning. Chef Schmee was radiant despite having walked WEM all afternoon and milady_j was looking mighty fine both clothes and hair wise. D was hawt and had the butt cheek touched by someone walking by. Heehee. Still don’t know if the girl in the white dress that was tied on was actually wearing panties. The dj was rockin’ last night too. Good music – I almost hated to leave, but D was starving and I turn into a pumpkin at 1. No, really, I do… ;-)

Speaking of which, I should probably finish my chores before I head off to bed so I can return to work tomorrow. Sighhhh – should be interesting. I am not technically back to my official job until the end of June, so what do I do? Hmmmm…

Simmer Down now, Simmer Down

Sorry I have not been up to date in blogging. My wonderful service provider has basic dropped me down to dial-up service for the past few weeks and it has been getting slower. Today, it seems to be okay at this moment, so we are keeping our fingers crossed that I will be able to get this post on.

D stated today that I am not good at receiving compliments. I try really hard to just accept them and move on. Part of me, the polite Canadian part of me, wants to say Thanks and then repay them with a compliment as well. Sometimes, I don’t have a compliment to give though. I was talking with a trainer from Hay River about some stuff coming up and she mentioned that she heard that I had missed my calling, that I was a really good trainer and blah, blah, blah. I said thanks and then steered the conversation to her views on how the training itself was going and what we have learned from doing the training. The problem was that part of me wanted to say I had heard good things about her, but I hadn’t. D said I should have said, “I haven’t heard much about how you are doing, but none of it is bad.” Except some of it was. So I don’t know. I like receiving compliments. Flattery CAN work on me. But I have trouble just accepting it and not lessening the effect by counter complimenting. I am working very hard on just saying Thanks and letting it move along.

Mind you, she was not as bad as the one participant I had. What a darling, but man, she is persistent. She kept going on how good I was and what about me was so good as a trainer and when I interrupted to say Thanks, she would be like “No. I mean, you are really good at this.” Seriously, every time I thanked her, she wouldn’t accept it. All I can say is, people, if you thought I was that awesome please tell my superiors. A promotion would be nice.

The last training session went totally great. For the first time, everyone passed the first assessment. Yes! In fact, after all was said and done, they all passed each of the three challenges with flying colors. It was awesome. N and I worked like a dream together. Such a sweetie. I totally have hope for our dream that he become a big wig and I his assistant. Now, before y’all get irritated with that statement, I DON'T WANT to be the big wig. I want to be the power behind the figurehead. I want to plan someone’s life and organize things. It is what I do best and it is what I love. And… everyone knows the assistant really runs things.

Next week, I am on holidays. Yeah! So need the time off. No plans though. Just some window shopping, yes literally, and some siding shopping. There are interesting news that may be coming – we may… be able to pay off a car. I know, so shocking. I am not sure how we managed to save that amount of money, but we may be close. That will be such a relief. One debt down, a few more to go. Now, if Chapters hadn’t had that big sale on… I would have more money for the car. But really – they doubled their discount. I had to buy. Ack! So many books. Sighhh! And my magazine started showing up in my file – Romantic Times Book Reviews – I know it sounds hokey, but it reviews about 290 books a month, so I can read the reviews and see if I am interested, before I buy. It has saved me money in the past. Course it has also cost me money as it introduced me to a few new books in other genres I wouldn’t have looked at. It does all sorts of genres, not just romance.

I had too much sugar tonight. Note: It is very hard to get that last few Nerd ™ candies out of the package, especially when the other side is still full.

Anyway, before I come down from my sugar high, I want to get some of my Halloween stuff prepped – I am setting up a website for my Halloween party. Very interesting. Lots of work is going into it and Halloween is so close. Ack! Yeah, I should do that, so the first set of invites can go out. I know, I am such a keener!