How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

For the first time in probably 17 years, I put a book on my nightstand last night. You may think that’s no big deal. But for the last 16 years, that is where the kitty’s bed was. Even though I removed her bedding so long ago, last night was the first time I actually used the space. It is still the little things that I notice and that hurt the most. The hardest is still coming home after a long hard day of work and not having her at the door waiting for me. It feels weird being able to be in the bathroom without having company. And just when you think everything is okay, then someone says something and you feel the tears well up. Poor colleague at work has been working in another office for several weeks now and she came to see how the kitty was doing since the last time we had talked was just after the incident. We picked up the imprint of her paws and I was good until we got home and I could just touch them. I remember her pink little feet and how soft and ticklish they were. Monday will be seven weeks. I am ever grateful for her unconditional love for sixteen years and I miss her every day.

Taste of Edmonton just ended and I enjoyed myself quite nicely this year with six lunches being spent there. My scores (out of 5 stars) for this year were:

5 stars
Fantasia Caffe & Catering – Tuscan meatloaf with pesto-truffle aioli
- Gelato – Egg Nog and Limone
Hoang Long Causal Fare – Beef Lemongrass Skewer
4 stars
Korean Village Restaurant – Tempura vegetables
Naanolicious – Cinnamon Naan
Moksha –Beef Samosa
3.5 stars
Mama Lee’s Kitchen – Pork Bulgogi
Quick Meal Mediterranean Food – Donair Poutine
Lingnan Restaurant – Dry Spicy Chicken
Underground Tap & Grill – Mac and Cheese Ball
3 stars
Langano Skies Ethiopian Restaurant – Special Tibs-Beef Stir Fry & Injera
Our Truck is Your Truck – Kactus Chips with Homemade Dip (any other day this probably would have gotten higher, but I had the Tuscan meatloaf first which was utterly outstanding)
Japanese Village – Bean Spout Salad with Ginger Sauce

According to colleagues, their 5 star foods were the Old Spaghetti Factory's Bam Bam Shrimp and Melting Pot's Chocolate Fondue Cup.

The other exciting event in my life has been my Fitbit. I adore my Fitbit – ask anyone and it’s rare that they don’t know I have one or that I adore it. And recently they upgraded the sleep statistic section – ooooh – I am in heaven. To add to that adoration, Fitbit has proven that they have exceptional customer service. Last year, just after my warranty expired, my Fitbit died so I bought another one. I think the Force had just been pulled and the next one was coming out soon, but I refused to wait and bought another Flex. At the end of June this year, it died. No idea why – I charged it before I went to bed, put it on and set it for sleep mode. When I got up in the morning, it just refused to work. I tried resetting it and searched the website for tips. But it was a no go. So I wrote them asking for some help. Within a couple days, they wrote back saying they agreed there was something wrong and offered to send me a replacement since it was still under warranty. They sent me a whole new package – new strap and all. Awesome! And then tragedy struck again… As soon as I received it, I charged it and starting wearing it. Eight days later, I had synced it after work and then we went shopping. When I got home, it was missing. It had just fallen off my wrist. I could not think of when it did or what I might have done to loosen it. I again searched their website for assistance and followed their suggestions – retracing my steps trying to sync my phone, searching the house. No such luck so I sent them another email asking for any assistance. What is cool is that if you actually do some of what they suggest first and let them know you did, they thank you. I like that they acknowledge that you tried. Anyway, they are assisting me again with this lost Fitbit. To me, this is a sign of excellent customer service. They have acknowledged my problem, thanked me for my efforts, and kept me informed along the way. Honestly, I already recommended Fitbit to anyone interested and this just supports why I do. Thank you Fitbit!

Work wise – I am filling in for my manager for the next few weeks. Not sure what sadistic part of me agreed to this. That’s not completely true – I was just a bit shocked with how quickly it happened. I was just thinking later… my boss decided to start with her holidays right away. I am trying to have a positive attitude about the opportunity and use it as a chance to see where I want to go next. No one says I have to go management route and so if this ends up being something I am not interested in, then at least I will have tried.

Anyway, my body has decided it is exhausted and it’s time to bed.

Taking deep breaths...

It’s hard – trying to catch up on shows that you have recorded long after the date. If anything goes wrong, you’re screwed. On Demand has pulled all the shows already – really – that’s what the summer is for people. So I am still tracking down the final CSI: Cyber and the fifth last episode of Supernatural. I finally tracked down the final Fresh off the Boat. I almost caught up on iZombie – loving that show. It’s witty, engrossing, fascinating, and so much fun. I just got caught up with Lip Sync Battle (ignoring today’s). That show is so awesome… and I got reintroduced to Lonely Island who does so many songs I know, but never knew who sang them. I’m totally in love with “I just had sex” – just of thinking of the video and the words makes me smile. Teehee.

I have tracked down all by one Pentatonix albums as well. And while doing that, we picked up 2 Cellos. What an eclectic range of music I have. On my recently added list I have the following:

Kirby Krackle – nerd rock
The Who – old rock
Pentatonix – a cappella covers
2 Cellos – instrumental rock
Just the Hits 2015 – pop
Leonard Cohen – sung poetry
Adam Lambert – pop
Kelly Clarkson – pop
DJ Scandalous – rap
Maroon 5 – pop

I’m enjoying them all; although to be fair, Adam gets played the most. I just adore him too much.

I took today off – woke up exhausted and just not feeling well. I have had this feeling a lot in the last couple weeks. I can’t really describe what’s wrong other than I know I am not well. Between a heart that races when I try to sleep, to a headache that hovers in the background threateningly, to dizziness and nausea, and then the most random aches. Nothing that seems to add up to anything specific.

I made an impromptu appointment today with a doctor and first, I want to say I appreciated his bed side manner. He took time to talk with me. He asked a lot of questions, provided me with info, and made me laugh. We have no idea what’s wrong, but I left feeling less stressed about feeling unwell. He had me do an ECG to see if I have heart problems, but he said based on my numbers from my last checkup and the few tests in the office, I am pretty healthy. My blood pressure keeps randomly spiking, but because it then lowers quickly, there isn’t something obvious that’s wrong.

I graphed my blood pressure before I went and you can see the effect stress has had. My numbers were higher than last year, but still within normal levels – until May. As of May 16, my pressure had risen and the average from then til today is markedly higher. It’s not outrageous, but it’s not what I usually am. So what happened then – that was the middle of our second major project (technically my fourth). That was the start of me doing 53 hours of overtime in four weeks. That was my cat being ill and then us letting her go. That was a holiday full of ups and downs. My pressure was its worst the first day back to work after holidays. Partly because I talked about the cat and cried a lot. Partly because they weren’t done the project. I thought I’d left them in a good place and that I would have minimal stuff to do when I got back and instead, day one I was dragged back in on the same part that I left. Literally, I sent a message to my boss saying I had left a document needing review on the printer and no one touched it. I got back and I had to review it.

Our deadline ended and our unit all wanted some time to just have some easy days. Instead, it’s been catching up on all the stuff that wasn’t done during the deadline. I haven’t had time to do filing (the pile is almost 6 inches tall) or clean my emails (there are over 1200 in my inbox). And we are not getting a break – everyone wants the analysis on what we learned and what the next steps are on the project we just finished. And they want it yesterday.

So I struggle – I don’t want to give work my life. I want to do a good job and help people, but not at the risk of my health. I want my boss to push back, to say no, and to say the first next step is a break for our unit. I want to be able to come home and have energy and interest in my life. I want to do the many things on my hobby list. My friends are shocked that I am just not in the mood to be the sensuous person I am. I’m tired. I want a harem right now not to sleep with, but to help with what chores need to be done. I want someone to help lift the pressure off of me so I can enjoy exercising and sex and hobbies.

And this heat doesn’t help. I have never liked the heat. With June being so hot, I just don’t know how I am going to survive the rest of summer. The heat saps my energy. I think it is partly why I’m not feeling well. I just can’t get cool. I really think I need to get air conditioning. My bedroom is 28 degrees right now with a fan running. It’s 27 on the main floor. It’s ridiculous.

Anyway, that’s what is in my head right now. I need to work on being less stressed, on getting more exercise into my life, on being less of a worrier, and on not taking so much onto my shoulders.