I eat them out for breakfast and f**k them for lunch.

Ahhh, Yasmine Galenorn – how I love your descriptors. You make me smile and shiver and tear up at all the right moments. I am glad I found you and please – write more books!

My brain is a miasma of chaos. So much stress, so much loneliness, so many impulses lying in wait. And surprisingly, for once, I am not stuffing my face in response. Hmmmm… interesting. Of course, the sad thing is I am not surrounded by my harem, who can take care of all of the above. Sighhhh….

Okay – I am being distracted by the sub-woofer for my computer. Shite, that thing has power – my feet are vibrating. Whoot!

Grab my shoulders, grab my waist now, take it lower, to the floor now – you go Britney! Tonight I am in the mood… Sorry, keep getting distracted by the music.

I did resolve some of the loneliness today by shopping and goodness knows I don’t need to spend any more money. Yes, you can all be sick with me – I did some Christmas shopping. I got some more stuff for my office. I picked up some excellent vibrant hair color – now to get up the nerve to do my hair blue or a vibrant red. Teehee! Maybe I should have picked up the multi-color pack.

Tomorrow, I have plans to hit Sears – big sale on iTunes cards. And then of course, my desk is complete and that bill should be coming soon. On a positive note, tomorrow D and I will decide if we need to do anymore painting in the office. I couldn’t tell this morning – er, early afternoon, if it looked good enough or if I really didn’t want to do any more painting. Hard to tell. If it is done, then I can start cleaning the room and we can start the floor, which is good because the desk arrives probably Wednesday. Heehee – oops! Thank goodness, it took longer to get than anticipated. Heh heh.

I am stuck in my usual quagmire – being an introvert and yet wanting to get out and have some fun. But since I hate to go out by myself, I really don’t have a choice – I am stuck at home feeling lonely and sorry for myself. Wishing someone wanted to hang out with me, but not feeling like calling anyone. Wishing old crushes would just show up or my harem would suddenly exist. I know my friends are busy and D is off doing what D does. And I have so much to do around the house, but I am finding I can only do things for so long and then I get bored or antsy. My PVR is quite full, but I watched two movies today and that is enough. I wrote some long overdue emails to friends, did some chores, made supper, updated some lists. It is bad when you go shopping just to talk to someone, even if it is the cashier. I did stop by fave co-worker’s and pick up some boxes. This just reminds me I need to start packing up the basement… again. Sighhhh…

I know part of it is that at work I am now part of a virtual team and I am the only person in the team in my office. My desk hasn’t changed, so I still see my old co-workers, but I am not part of them anymore. And of course, Friday my other colleague went home early and there was no one in my old unit, so I basically went through emails, which was good and needed, but lonely. Add on that most this past week I have been alone in the evenings and you get a really lonely moi.

Wah, wah, wah – I know – poor me - wallowing in self-pity.

Sex is always the answer, it is never a question… – you know, my iTunes is playing really great music with lots of sexual overtones. Even it thinks my harem should be with me right now. Teehee.

I was going to whine about the renos, but I am thinking my problem is I have these expectations or perhaps hopes and dreams and it just seems like that is not to be my lot in life. I was looking forward to having my basement back to being a cool place to hang out and visit my books and music and videos. Instead, I need to tear it apart again. I was looking forward to cultivating a harem, but instead I spend so much time alone. Perhaps I am just remembering past lives when I had all of these things. Maybe it is not what I am to learn this life.

Positive notes – my inbox at work is down to 19 emails. Yes! My sent items at work is down to 1741. Yes! No seriously, it was almost 2000 before I started whittling. I thought the inbox was more important than the sent items. Now that the inbox is whittled, now I need to work on the sent items. The bonus to waiting this long to do some serious work on it is that I have been out of my old position long enough now that I am tossing more emails that I probably would have a few weeks ago.

Also positive – Christmas presents are started. I need to make my list and start determining who I have already bought for, but it is a good start.

Positive - I broke through the weight barrier that has been plaguing me for a couple of years and this is the 5th week in row in which I have been in this new range. Whoot!

Positive – I have learned to shut my mouth a bit more on calories. This means I hate myself less. Teehee. I hate being that person who counts calories and that is all they talk about. I understand it, but I am not fan of it and when I was doing it, it was driving me crazy. Doesn’t mean I am not thinking it, just means I am not opening my mouth.

Positive – my office is starting to look like I may finish this reno sometime soon. We started last October, so I will be very happy when I can get things loaded back into the room.

Positive – Despite being part of a virtual team, I really like working in my new position. I think it has lots of potential; there is currently no overtime, so I get off on time; I really like my colleague; and I appreciate that my boss is not a micro-manager.

Positive – I have a great music collection. I am smart and interesting and, sometimes surprisingly, open about a lot of things.

Anyway, I should get to bed. Hopefully, once the office is complete, I can write more often and perhaps have some coherent thoughts instead of just a jumble. Plus I have great recipes I want to share.