2010: Memory Lane
Following my tradition, it is that time of year to review the last year and ponder all that has occurred – good, bad, fugly, and the rest.
Let’s start with work – as usual – because it is a major factor of my life (as depressing as that seems at times.) After last year’s near burnout, I found this year to be hard. The status of my job was up in the air – again. In March, I got a temporary promotion that last until Feb 2011, which coincidentally matches the time when my current big boss retires. Since the likelihood of the big boss being based in our office is not high, who knows what will happen to me at that time. I have been bascially keeping my head down recently, but that behavior isn’t helping me and with several people asking me when I am leaving (oh yes, can you feel the love?), I just want to know because part of me is hoping to get the heck out. Aside from that, summer to fall ended up being a very busy time at work and since I had not really recovered from last year’s h-e-double hockey sticks, I felt close to burn out again. I think this really cemented my need to get out of this area. Add to the fact that little boss is probably going to become a manager (without passing any testing/process to prove she has the skills) and this area is not going to be well. There is a part of me that adores a few people in the unit and therefore wants to be there to help them. Then another part of me wants to stand up for myself and do what I need. I have been trying to pass on some of the activities I do to a new person in the unit who doesn’t really have dedicated duties, but she just isn’t grasping what I need her to do - well, more importantly, what the big boss needs her to do. On the other hand, come February, what I do may all be for naught.
The bonus to work this year was I did some time within the christmas break to do some catch up, clean up, etc. My inbox is down to less than a screen’s worth. My sent items is down to 192 (with more work being needed). My desk has been tidied and wiped down. I am quite pleased with how I left things. So 2011 at least will start clean at work.
Both work-wise and home-wise, something happened in June/July to mess me completely up. I don’t know if it was all the extra hours at work (again) or the shit and caboodle of life, but my life took a nosedive. By June, I had an excellent exercise system in place, my life was running fairly well, my holidays were far too short, but I was surviving. Then by July, I was starving all the time. It didn’t matter what I ate, I was still hungry. Because I was doing more overtime, I wasn’t coming home and exercising. I started skipping my breaks at work and it was bad. It wasn’t until about October when things calmed down at work and home (so to speak) that I was able to look back and figure some stuff out. During that time, I gained back a bit of weight. Not a ton, only 10 pounds, but I worked hard to get rid of those 10 pounds and now I was right back up. I stopped being organized – which certainly didn’t help my feeling of ineffectiveness. And I mean, both at work and at home. I have daytimer at work and one at home. I write so much in these. At work, it is what I need to do and what I did do. At home, it is what happened, what I need to do, and what I did do. I stopped upkeeping my calendars. I seriously got lost and depressed. I hardly was seeing friends and I didn’t care. Besides, who had time to see friends when I was starving all the time! It still amazes me that I only gained 10 pounds. That I had enough willpower to at least at some level recognize what was happening and keep myself mostly in check. Come October – when I finally got two weeks in a row of vacation, I kicked myself and I tried to get things going again. It helped that yoga went long into spring (into June or almost) and then started at the end of September – amazing that no yoga and I was a mess. Yoga started again and all of a sudden, I was kicking myself. I seriously need to write down a routine and get my teacher to help me. If I can keep it up throughout the whole year, I think I would be so much better for it.
House wise – we are working on renos again. We had most of the spring and summer off due to health issues. Though we did get the deck mostly corrected. At least we used it this year, even had a couple of dinners on the deck with the new furniture. October we started working on the office. What should have been a quick job is still on-going. October we booked the sprayfoam people and tore the room apart. I loved Atomik when they did the basement – the guy did an exellent job and cleaned up after himself. Everyone recommended them when we tried to get quotes from other people. The first day their hose broke, the second day they finished, but what was supposed to be a 3 hour job ended up taking over a day. And that does not include the hour I spent cleaning after they left and the several hours we spent scraping down the foam so we could put drywall up. Oh, and because they got stuff on the ceiling, we have to fix the ceiling. They also forgot garbage bags and so used the plastic we had up on the ceiling and two walls they weren’t doing which means my walls are a mess. Sighhhh. But we now have most of the drywall up. once that is done, it is finishing scraping the popcorn off the ceiling, mudding, priming, painting (after I finally decide on a color), and then finally, the new floor goes in. I am hoping by spring this will be done. Just in time for me to appreciate the freezing area my computer is now set up in – because I am not enjoying it right now. Brrrrr.
Once that floor is in the office, then we are moving on to the main floor area to replace the carpet with laminate. And next year, we are looking at a couple of big renos for things that need to be done. Sighhhh. I love my house, I just want my money to go to the big vacation in 2012.
Healthwise – well, D snapped a tendon in early February which meant little stuff being done around the house. A constant reminder why I need a harem to assist me. In October, we found out D’s mom has some serious health concerns, so that has been a niggling worry since then. My mom finally got in to see the specialist, though it was not excellent news. No surgery yet as the exercise and stuff she is doing is working fairly well, but she is still on painkillers. They will re-evaluate in a year or so. My poor kitty is still not perfect. Her diabetes is possibly under control, but we need her weight down now and that means more curves and tests. None of us like doing the curves. I wish there was an easier way, but she is a cat and I can only do what the vet and specialist know.
Family – my brother and SIL are still working the timing out, though we have seen them a few times this year. Christmas is always a problem, though their theory is if they have kids, then they can dictate Christmas. I don’t care as long as I get my mom’s cooking! Teehee. My dad has gone back to work. Boredom did not sit well with him. He did another stint on Dr Bernstein’s and is maintaining the weight loss now, which is fabulous. Mom and dad seem to have cut back some of their exercising, so it doesn’t seem as excessive now. They are planning more trips and aren’t always at each other’s throats. With dad working part-time and mom on worksharing, they are finding their ways of doing things are very different. Dad took over the household when he retired and has gone around systematically tossing things mom has kept or used and he just doesn’t care. It is pissing mom off and I don’t blame her. I understand tossing a few things that needed replacing though mom couldn’t see that yet, but some of the stuff miraculously missing is good quality stuff that mom used on a regular basis – he just doesn’t know it. Sighhhhh.
Friends – I have made an effort this year to reach out to more friends and I have… somewhat. I have been out with N and M several times this year – which is amazing! S, who is working out of the country, and I have been emailing a whole bunch, though in December I have sucked royally for keeping in touch. I have been out with a few friends here and there. Overall though, I stayed home. A lot. Or I went shopping by myself. A lot. So I really want to try harder in 2011 to get out there are connect with people again. I adore my friends and I should spend more time showing them that.
Me – well, what else can I say? My weight loss journey had a rather large bump this year. At the end of the year, I gained 6 pounds. So overall, not too bad. I need to obviously step it up tough and get those pounds of again as well as some other pounds. My doctor has recommended me for the Weight Wise program and they did call before Christmas, except they only had weekday mornings and I work for a living. They are supposed to have evenings in the new year, so we will see how that goes. I don’t know how I am going to fit those in yet, but I will work through it if I can. I bought a recumbent bike to give me something new to do. The treadmill is great, but the volume on the tv has to be soooo loud if you are using the treadmill, that I hate to use it if someone else is in the house. The bike is really quiet and once I get my feet used to biking again, then I should be good.
Emotionally, I am tired. It has been a stressful year and I have felt lonely and alone a lot this year. I have craved new friends, a harem, something all year, but I could never quite figure out the how. I never implemented everything – I just lamented and wanted. That annoys me. I tend to stand back to listen a lot, but I am not generally a passive person. What has happened to cause this? Why am I being this way? How do I change?
Oh –the life of being a thinker, a feeler, an observer, while desiring to be alive. Despite my trials and tribulations, I do end the year feeling fairly positive and hopeful. I want change to happen, but I am aware that sometimes, that change is in my perspective. So to all my friends and readers, I wish you the best in 2011. I wish you a chance to live out your dreams and desires as I hope to do mine. Here’s to great friends, good times, cuddle piles, intimate conversations, fascinating opportunities, new learning, more love, healthy families, and thrilling adventure. Hugs to you all!
Quote for 2010:
Let’s start with work – as usual – because it is a major factor of my life (as depressing as that seems at times.) After last year’s near burnout, I found this year to be hard. The status of my job was up in the air – again. In March, I got a temporary promotion that last until Feb 2011, which coincidentally matches the time when my current big boss retires. Since the likelihood of the big boss being based in our office is not high, who knows what will happen to me at that time. I have been bascially keeping my head down recently, but that behavior isn’t helping me and with several people asking me when I am leaving (oh yes, can you feel the love?), I just want to know because part of me is hoping to get the heck out. Aside from that, summer to fall ended up being a very busy time at work and since I had not really recovered from last year’s h-e-double hockey sticks, I felt close to burn out again. I think this really cemented my need to get out of this area. Add to the fact that little boss is probably going to become a manager (without passing any testing/process to prove she has the skills) and this area is not going to be well. There is a part of me that adores a few people in the unit and therefore wants to be there to help them. Then another part of me wants to stand up for myself and do what I need. I have been trying to pass on some of the activities I do to a new person in the unit who doesn’t really have dedicated duties, but she just isn’t grasping what I need her to do - well, more importantly, what the big boss needs her to do. On the other hand, come February, what I do may all be for naught.
The bonus to work this year was I did some time within the christmas break to do some catch up, clean up, etc. My inbox is down to less than a screen’s worth. My sent items is down to 192 (with more work being needed). My desk has been tidied and wiped down. I am quite pleased with how I left things. So 2011 at least will start clean at work.
Both work-wise and home-wise, something happened in June/July to mess me completely up. I don’t know if it was all the extra hours at work (again) or the shit and caboodle of life, but my life took a nosedive. By June, I had an excellent exercise system in place, my life was running fairly well, my holidays were far too short, but I was surviving. Then by July, I was starving all the time. It didn’t matter what I ate, I was still hungry. Because I was doing more overtime, I wasn’t coming home and exercising. I started skipping my breaks at work and it was bad. It wasn’t until about October when things calmed down at work and home (so to speak) that I was able to look back and figure some stuff out. During that time, I gained back a bit of weight. Not a ton, only 10 pounds, but I worked hard to get rid of those 10 pounds and now I was right back up. I stopped being organized – which certainly didn’t help my feeling of ineffectiveness. And I mean, both at work and at home. I have daytimer at work and one at home. I write so much in these. At work, it is what I need to do and what I did do. At home, it is what happened, what I need to do, and what I did do. I stopped upkeeping my calendars. I seriously got lost and depressed. I hardly was seeing friends and I didn’t care. Besides, who had time to see friends when I was starving all the time! It still amazes me that I only gained 10 pounds. That I had enough willpower to at least at some level recognize what was happening and keep myself mostly in check. Come October – when I finally got two weeks in a row of vacation, I kicked myself and I tried to get things going again. It helped that yoga went long into spring (into June or almost) and then started at the end of September – amazing that no yoga and I was a mess. Yoga started again and all of a sudden, I was kicking myself. I seriously need to write down a routine and get my teacher to help me. If I can keep it up throughout the whole year, I think I would be so much better for it.
House wise – we are working on renos again. We had most of the spring and summer off due to health issues. Though we did get the deck mostly corrected. At least we used it this year, even had a couple of dinners on the deck with the new furniture. October we started working on the office. What should have been a quick job is still on-going. October we booked the sprayfoam people and tore the room apart. I loved Atomik when they did the basement – the guy did an exellent job and cleaned up after himself. Everyone recommended them when we tried to get quotes from other people. The first day their hose broke, the second day they finished, but what was supposed to be a 3 hour job ended up taking over a day. And that does not include the hour I spent cleaning after they left and the several hours we spent scraping down the foam so we could put drywall up. Oh, and because they got stuff on the ceiling, we have to fix the ceiling. They also forgot garbage bags and so used the plastic we had up on the ceiling and two walls they weren’t doing which means my walls are a mess. Sighhhh. But we now have most of the drywall up. once that is done, it is finishing scraping the popcorn off the ceiling, mudding, priming, painting (after I finally decide on a color), and then finally, the new floor goes in. I am hoping by spring this will be done. Just in time for me to appreciate the freezing area my computer is now set up in – because I am not enjoying it right now. Brrrrr.
Once that floor is in the office, then we are moving on to the main floor area to replace the carpet with laminate. And next year, we are looking at a couple of big renos for things that need to be done. Sighhhh. I love my house, I just want my money to go to the big vacation in 2012.
Healthwise – well, D snapped a tendon in early February which meant little stuff being done around the house. A constant reminder why I need a harem to assist me. In October, we found out D’s mom has some serious health concerns, so that has been a niggling worry since then. My mom finally got in to see the specialist, though it was not excellent news. No surgery yet as the exercise and stuff she is doing is working fairly well, but she is still on painkillers. They will re-evaluate in a year or so. My poor kitty is still not perfect. Her diabetes is possibly under control, but we need her weight down now and that means more curves and tests. None of us like doing the curves. I wish there was an easier way, but she is a cat and I can only do what the vet and specialist know.
Family – my brother and SIL are still working the timing out, though we have seen them a few times this year. Christmas is always a problem, though their theory is if they have kids, then they can dictate Christmas. I don’t care as long as I get my mom’s cooking! Teehee. My dad has gone back to work. Boredom did not sit well with him. He did another stint on Dr Bernstein’s and is maintaining the weight loss now, which is fabulous. Mom and dad seem to have cut back some of their exercising, so it doesn’t seem as excessive now. They are planning more trips and aren’t always at each other’s throats. With dad working part-time and mom on worksharing, they are finding their ways of doing things are very different. Dad took over the household when he retired and has gone around systematically tossing things mom has kept or used and he just doesn’t care. It is pissing mom off and I don’t blame her. I understand tossing a few things that needed replacing though mom couldn’t see that yet, but some of the stuff miraculously missing is good quality stuff that mom used on a regular basis – he just doesn’t know it. Sighhhhh.
Friends – I have made an effort this year to reach out to more friends and I have… somewhat. I have been out with N and M several times this year – which is amazing! S, who is working out of the country, and I have been emailing a whole bunch, though in December I have sucked royally for keeping in touch. I have been out with a few friends here and there. Overall though, I stayed home. A lot. Or I went shopping by myself. A lot. So I really want to try harder in 2011 to get out there are connect with people again. I adore my friends and I should spend more time showing them that.
Me – well, what else can I say? My weight loss journey had a rather large bump this year. At the end of the year, I gained 6 pounds. So overall, not too bad. I need to obviously step it up tough and get those pounds of again as well as some other pounds. My doctor has recommended me for the Weight Wise program and they did call before Christmas, except they only had weekday mornings and I work for a living. They are supposed to have evenings in the new year, so we will see how that goes. I don’t know how I am going to fit those in yet, but I will work through it if I can. I bought a recumbent bike to give me something new to do. The treadmill is great, but the volume on the tv has to be soooo loud if you are using the treadmill, that I hate to use it if someone else is in the house. The bike is really quiet and once I get my feet used to biking again, then I should be good.
Emotionally, I am tired. It has been a stressful year and I have felt lonely and alone a lot this year. I have craved new friends, a harem, something all year, but I could never quite figure out the how. I never implemented everything – I just lamented and wanted. That annoys me. I tend to stand back to listen a lot, but I am not generally a passive person. What has happened to cause this? Why am I being this way? How do I change?
Oh –the life of being a thinker, a feeler, an observer, while desiring to be alive. Despite my trials and tribulations, I do end the year feeling fairly positive and hopeful. I want change to happen, but I am aware that sometimes, that change is in my perspective. So to all my friends and readers, I wish you the best in 2011. I wish you a chance to live out your dreams and desires as I hope to do mine. Here’s to great friends, good times, cuddle piles, intimate conversations, fascinating opportunities, new learning, more love, healthy families, and thrilling adventure. Hugs to you all!
Quote for 2010:
Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.
Bruce Barton
Labels: life, quote of the day
posted by Taryn at 6:17 pm
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