Monday, April 25, 2011

It is important a man regain his strength after repeated beddings.

The fun you get when you cannot come up with an excellent title, so you grab the nearest book (In the Company of vampires by Katie MacAllister), randomly pick a page (page 215), and see where your eyes land. And so sets the tone of this entry…

Things I have thought about on this long weekend
1. My dreams are soooo utterly strange. And because of their strangeness, I am not sleeping well. It does no good to wake up because your dream is so wacked and then can’t fall back asleep because you need a new thought. Plus the dang cat keeps waking me up early. I don’t know what for… but it is getting annoying.

2. I need to get involved in something. I have decided I am lonely. My friends, wonderful being that they are, are all involved in something and so they get out of the city, they are doing things, and I am home being bored and lonely. Okay, not all the time, because being a scorpio also means acknowledging that sometimes you should only be by yourself (safest for all). I miss some of my long-ago friends. I miss calling someone up and saying “hey, let’s go shopping.” Or even better, someone calling me and saying ‘hey, let’s do something.’ I noticed that many of my interactions with friends revolve around food – not exactly conducive to the whole eating healthy kind of thing. I had friends who I used to shop with. If we stopped for a snack, it was rare and usually small and/or we shared. I should be out shopping today, but I just didn’t feel like shopping alone.

That is not to say, I don’t appreciate all of my friends who I go out with to eat. The bonus to eating with friends is you eat slower and you get to talk – lots. I love that. It just means I need to spread out these dates. Last week, I had dinner out on Tuesday, there was cake at work on Wednesday, and I went out for lunch on Thursday. That is a lot of eating out. I could have done without the cake (should have said no to all three pieces over Wednesday and Thursday… Heehee), but the dinner and the lunch were good events to attend. I had fun, ate good food, have great conversations, and all that. Supper at my parents yesterday was fabulous – I love my mom’s homemade ukranian food!!! And today I am out to dinner with some friends. I love it. There is just part of me that says “ACK!!! Look at all those calories!! What are you doing?!?” Got to shut that beyotch up somehow! And not by shoving potato chips in her mouth.

Last night, we had some friends over for Rock Band - and we had fun! I put out some juice, a bag of chips, and some peeps (which since I was the only one who likes them, I ate them all.) We had over 3 hours of fun, talking and playing. I need more nights like that!

3. Food diaries should never be copied into an easily readable format. I spent 2 hours or so the other night typing in the last three weeks of food into my computer (because my writing is atrocious) and I was exhausted from doing that. Why – oh why – the torture! It was interesting in the beginning to do the food diary, but now – after 3 weeks, I am bored now. I am tired of documenting/estimating/measuring all my food. I am tired of counting how many potato chips I put into my mouth. One might state – stop eating potato chips and you no longer need to count. My response – Bite me!

The whole point of my lifestyle journey is to make changes, but still eat what I like to eat and no make foods bad. I already changed my diet to meet other restrictions and the resentment still burns, especially Coke Classic. The giving up of caffeine is probably my biggest resentment. I understand I needed to for health reasons, but there are days when I want caffeine; when I need a coke slurpee. I don’t want to add to that resentment by not eating things I like – like caramels, like potato chips, like dessert. So I need a plan that allows me this freedom. And so I believe in moderation, in the 80/20 rule. As long as you eat healthy 80% of the time, then you can have that 20% freedom to eat the not so healthy stuff.

My dad supposedly kept a food diary for two years. Part of me is fascinated with that and things what an interesting piece of work. The other part of me is horrified with all the work involved. I can acknowledge that it takes away some of the mindless eating. When you have to count/measure/estimate all of your food, you are less likely to shovel it into your mouth without thinking. I am not counting calories; I am just writing down what I have eaten and approximately when. I know you should also do mood at the time and whether you were actually hungry, but my brain is really good at convincing me, and my body, that we are hungry regardless. I can be not hungry, but start focusing on food, even sub-consciously, and suddenly my stomach says it is starving. And if my stomach says it is hungry, then I am going to feed it.

What I have figured out is what I really knew, but have ignored – I snack. A lot! And I think sometimes I snack instead of hydrating. Especially at work. I drink a lot more when I am home than I do at work. At work, I will reach for my fruit or veggies before reaching for my water bottle. Not good. I used to drink two 591mL bottles a day. As my stress levels rose, I found I drank less and less. There have been some days when I have not actually drunk a drop all day. I got all of my fluids from eating fruit, veggies, and my lunch. Not optimal. Also, because I snack at work in front of a computer, I find at home I am hungry as soon as I spend some time on my computer. At home, I don’t reach for the veggies or fruit, I reach for candy and chips. I have other snack food at work – granola bars, some caramels, some pringle sticks (the honey butter is to die for and all for 100 calories!) for in case I am craving carbs or protein. I rarely eat them though. I find I tend to reach for my fruit/veggies first. At home, I ignore the fridge and dive into the cupboards for food. I had a conversation with my brother about that yesterday and whether it should be in the house or not. We both agreed if it is not in the house, we will go out and buy it and then buy more than we actually came for. If it is in the house, then we will eat it. Which is worse? That – I haven’t figured out yet.

I am pretty good at not eating 2 hours before bed – though sometimes, this means I stay up a bit later than I should. And since I don’t go to bed at the same time, this can mean various eating times.

So my goal this week is to get back to drinking at least 1 bottle, preferably 2 bottles of water (flavored with crystal lite – of course) before I leave work. I should be drinking 1 bottle by lunch and the other by the end of the day. Maybe that will help with all the snacking.

My other goal is to get out of the office at least once a day. I am horrible for not taking my breaks if fave coworker is not around. Just because I hate walking alone, but I am not eager to go with certain other people either. I am slowly moving from my old job into the new one (that should start happening rather rapidly soon – since the other managers ganged up on mine and decided my work is not required. Part of me believes firmly in accountability and preventing errors before they happen and I really want to help people with that. Another part of me hopes they get in really deep doo-doo for all the errors that won’t be caught once I am no longer reviewing the work. The other areas I review all believe strongly that it is easier to ask for forgiveness that to ask for permission. I hope karma teaches them a really good lesson. Okay, need to let go of that bitterness.). So maybe with the new work and the new people I hang with, I can find someone else to walk with. Or maybe it will be such that I will just go do whatever to get out. I know there are a couple people around who do some really good long walks – I just don’t know if I am up to that. They do the stairs in the river valley at the end of the walk – unless you are going down (and sometimes even then), those things are torture devices!

I will figure it out. Things will all be good.

Anyway, I should go do a few chores around the house before I go out tonight, so until next time when I further analyze my journey or when I just share something really funky, take care…

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Sunday, April 17, 2011

I’m inclined to believe the burden of knowledge is more compelling than the weight of ignorance. - CE Murphy

What a productive weekend. I got everything done on my list and more. Despite the constant back pain, the headaches, and the desire to venture outside, I managed to get things done and even relax. I did take a bath Friday night and went to bed early. That was nice. Then Saturday, I watch Easy A (I am totally buying this movie – what an homage to John Hughes) before getting settled into so many little things around the house and then settled down with updating my book list – both have and wants. Saturday night, D and I stopped by a family friend’s retirement party. We were a little late, but in actuality, it was perfect timing. The honoree was just a bit into her speech and we were provided dinner and dessert and then it was off (before Karaoke started) to Save On for groceries and home to put the fresh bedding on and sleep on fresh sheets. Squeee!!! Sunday, I started the day watching Eat Pray Love, which I enjoyed. It was not as good as the book, but it was long enough since I read the book that I was able to not pick it apart and just enjoy it. My critique would be that the book resonated emotionally with me and the movie tried a couple of times, but it just couldn’t get deep enough, couldn’t get past the hollywoodism. Then it was on to removing the light in the office and starting the taping and mudding. After a few hours of that, it was a yummy dinner of chicken kiev, jasmine rice, and peas. Mmmmmm… lovely goodness. Then off to London Drugs for shopping and home to do finances and taxes, both of which did not rob me of all of my hard earned money. So overall, a good weekend. I wish we could have spent a bit more time with friends, but everyone seemed busy this weekend. And next weekend is Easter, so yay – long weekend! Sleep – I love sleep. Heehee.

And this week should be so much better than last – Fave coworker is back! Little boss is away. Deadlines are over. We can’t play with our main system on Monday. There is a retirement party on Thursday. I am out for dinner on Tuesday and then book shopping! And it is a short week. Can it get any better?!? I hope so! Teehee.

I finished CE Murphy’s book – The Pretender’s Crown. Wow! I love this writer for the Retriever series and picked this one up because it looked intriguing. It is not a quick book to read – it took me a week to read in my usual fashion, but I don’t mind. Honestly, it is one of those books that you put down occasionally, not because you are tired of reading, but because you want time to absorb the last scene. It is a fascinating two book series (supposedly more may come about in the future) with political intrigue, sex, passion, self-discovery, betrayal, and at the heart, human courage and love. Of course, after a book like that, it is time for Katie MacAlister – something fun, with a great plot, witty dialogue, and lightness. Some books can be quite heavy and while Katie is great at plot, she makes it a fun read.

Interesting thoughts I had this weekend - Save On is laid out in such a way that I rarely walk through the bakery section or even notice it aside from bread/buns. I was trying to figure out where to go for groceries this weekend and as soon as I thought of Safeway, I knew I would be in the bakery section hoping for croissant donuts and Mountain Dew. If I went to Sobey's, I would be in the bakery section for blueberry scones and a mini cream pie (coconut or banana - does it really matter?!?). But when I thought of Save On, my head jumped around from veggies to the dairy section and I wasn't tempted by anything else. While this is probably bad news for Save On, it made me happy to not have to tempt myself. Waiting until D was with me is also another coping measure since I tend to give in to temptation more when I am alone. When I am with others, I prefer to encourage them to give in. Teehee.

Anyway, I should finish getting ready for bed. I am sure I have lots more to talk about, but perhaps another day. I am going to wrap myself in this good mood and cuddle into dreamland.

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Friday, April 15, 2011

You’re not smart. I’m not nice. Let’s not pretend.

I am exhausted. The last month or so have just been brutal. The last big deadline was today and I survived. Amazingly. I managed not to piss off too many people. Mind you, that could be because I keep doing far too much by myself. To my credit, I did set up to have help; however, the next day the person had a large workload dropped in his lap, so I am doing it all, all by myself. Sighhhh.

My overtime over the last 7 working days was 14 hours. That is the amount I claimed. Monday through Wednesday, I pretty much set myself up in front of the tv and worked on stuff until I went to bed. But that is all over with. In theory – things go back to normal again. Of course, the question is what is normal anymore? It has been so long since my job was not a bundle of chaos and stress.

This is how I described the week to some friends:
Monday was a two croissant donut day – I did not buy them nor eat them.

Tuesday was a 2L of coke and a bag of chips kind of day. I consumed neither.

Wednesday was a large blizzard day. I gave in and enjoyed it so much!!!

Thursday was yoga day – for an hour and a half, I let go of everything and focused on myself. Then I popped on the computer, caught up with my life, and went to bed late.

Tonight has been chip day – I can’t seem to get enough. I had chili cheese ones after work. I had jalapeno and cheddar ones after supper. But I am being good. Had a conversation with a co-worker about eating habits (because so many of us at work are trying to lose weight) and realized that while I often give into my cravings, I usually do so in a moderate way. And if I screw up and have, say, a large blizzard, my life isn’t ruined. I don’t continue the downward spiral, thinking the day is wasted anyway. I could have cooked up the loaf of garlic bread to go with the spaghetti dinner on Wednesday, but since I had a blizzard, I just had the spaghetti and there was no other snack. Isn’t that a better way of doing it? Or does this just making me a bored dud?

I can tell spring is coming. My mood has been picking up as we have had several days of sunshine. The snow was a bit of a downer, but it only lasted a day. The sun melted it all away so I barely had to shovel after work today. Yeah! I also have my overwhelming urge to get out and do things. Too bad this is tempered by my exhaustion. I really wanted to go out tonight – one friend is having a b-day dinner (Happy B-day N!); another is being set up at a multi-person dinner. Surely, I can go out with one of them and have some fun. Except after late nights and long days, I am just tired. My mind is excited and raring to go; my body is thinking a bath and bed sound like a great plan.

I have more to discuss, but I think my body is winning the war tonight. I think a bath and bed are going to be my goal. Perhaps tomorrow will be a higher energy day.

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Monday, April 04, 2011

Cause you feel like paradise and I need a vacation tonight!

Oh yeah, you know it – Britney is in the house! And I am loving the album. It is a fun, night out on the town, kind of album. People are complaining about this. They wanted depth. Um, really? From Britney? Firstly, when someone has gone through some crap in their life (brought on by themselves or otherwise), sometimes you don’t’ want to delve into the depths of analysis. Sometimes you just want to have some fun. Secondly, Britney is often at her best when she is just having some fun. So give the girl a break. And goodness knows, I love the line above… because I so understand it. Don’t we all need a vacation with someone who feels like paradise? I know, I do! Heehee.

Other than that, I have given into the need for assistance with my weight loss journey. My doctor is part of the Primary Care Network (PCN) and they have a weight loss program that takes all of the lifestyle parts of the Weight Wise program, but none of the extremism or surgery expectations. So far so good, right? When they called back in November, the lady I talked to sounded so supportive and when I said I work during the day, she said they would be running night classes and she would call back in December to let me know when. She never called and in my cleaning frenzy, I put the number somewhere safe and promptly forgot where it was. I found it a couple of weeks ago and they called again 3 days later. It took a week of phone tag (where I did most of the tagging) and I finally talked to the same lady I spoke with before on Friday. Except obviously, she must have been new before because her attitude now stunk. Suddenly, they don’t do night time classes. And the next class was Monday and the next was the beginning of May. And the time sucks – 9:30 to noon. Really?!? No use going to work in the morning, I would get about 45 minutes of work and then I would have to go. I didn’t feel like going back for 3 hours in the afternoon, so I used my accumulated overtime to attend. The class was the intro class and it was good. Very informative and the nurse doing the presentation sounded like she cared. AND she wasn’t wafer thin, so she has been there; she understands. The only problem was one of the attendees who showed up 25 minutes late and the proceeded to answer all the questions and make it all about her. Okay, so she missed the beginning where we kinda set some norms, but hey honey, if you are so interested in this, then how about investing in a clock and then taking some time to get a feel of the room before you blurt out your crap? And after half of the session is over, perhaps you will have noticed, no one else is making it about them. The nurse mentioned several times we are all different and we would have individual appointments with a nurse – so stop talking! And then I had to deal with the phone lady again to book an appointment. As I stood in line, I heard her making the appointments and the first person got a 2:30pm appointment and I am thinking yes, I will be able to put in a couple of extra hours on other days, so I can leave early for my appointment, no using my overtime. When I get up there and ask for a late afternoon appointment, I am told the latest they do is 1pm. Seriously?!? I am not deaf… Sighhhh. So that means I would have to leave at about noon from work and then take off extra time because I am not going back for 45 minutes of work. Arghhhhh! I understand we need to put effort in to this, but how about working with your clients? Many of us work and with your hours being 8 to 4:30 Monday to Friday, that kinda limits things. So we will see how things go. Our first activity is food journaling… sighhhhh. Maybe I won’t need it. The stress at work has gone down; summer is here, so I can get out and do stuff; and I have been gathering the energy to kick me own arse for awhile now. Maybe this class will be all I need to get moving again. But we will see how the first appointment goes and go from there.

Aside from that, so many things I wanted to talk about, but frankly, it is hard to care about it all. Harper is an idiot again and we have to have an election again in retaliation. Actually, it is not even Harper that is the idiot – I am disappointed with all of them – Layton for working with Harper and then going over to Iggy’s side, Iggy for… well, breathing – I so don’t like him, and Gilles because dude you are only in one province, you shouldn’t be in the debates or even someone to consider – although he does speak really well.

A flower shop in New Brunswick has refused to provide service when she found out the request was for a same-sex marriage. And the owner wrote in an email stating: “I am choosing to decline your business. As a born-again Christian, I must respect my conscience before God and have no part in this matter.” While you have to admire her honestly, one does have to ask her intelligence. You aren’t supposed to deny anyone service due to prejudice and that is blatantly what this is. Plus did you really think it wouldn’t get out (hello, internet?!?) and can your business really survive the hit bad press is going to bring? Sighhhh.

And the comments some people post? OMG!! Let’s put it out there – it is called spell check and you should write everything where it can be spell checked before you post on someone else’s blog. Because my first reaction is if you can’t spell opinion, then I can’t honor your right to have one. Really, it taints my perception. And yet, I am so forgiving to the author of the blog for spelling errors. Double standard – yep, I have those. Heehee.

Tangled is a fantastic movie. I really enjoyed Confessions of a Shopaholic. I am so far behind in so many shows I am debating whether I want to watch them – like The Event – should I even bother? I can’t believe they cancelled The Cape – that show was cool! Even if one of the female characters reminded me of someone.

I am running out of ideas for suppers for one. I am seriously bored of all my usual creations. Perhaps that is part of my depressive laziness coming out, or perhaps it is the fact that I cook just about every day and I am sooooo bored of cooking. I ate out far too often in March, because I just couldn't cook again.

And speaking of eating out, my favorite taco bell is getting renovated. Or torn down, I am not sure which. What the heck?!? They made the best chili cheese burritos and were clean and I never had a bad batch of food from them. And supposedly, Taco Bell/KFC/Pizza Hut are in trouble. The company has already sold the Ontario and BC stores, but what about Alberta? I need my Taco Bell fix occasionally. I am so sorry I haven't bought more often, but the only close one after grocery shopping day is a Taco Bell/KFC and after waiting for my food for forever and watching them in the back, I was grossed out and I have had bad food from them. You need to move one closer. I will also apologize to Mucho Burrito because now there is an Edo and a DQ right by my grocery store. I might start doing there for my after grocery supper. Location, location. :)

Alright- I just saw the time and I should move along and get the last bit done on the computer so I can figure out something for supper. Wheee!

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